[ruby2023]

I never intended to come across that way. I only meant to be nice back to those who liked me and treated me nicely. I was ALOT nicer to certain people than to everyone else cuz those few people were my favorites. Shouldn’t they be flattered?

It’s cost me every job I ever had and my current one is in jeopardy

[Molinit]

Many of us have gone over why when you used to post about it before. You need a therapist to assist you with this-it goes way beyond what anyone here can help with.

[ruby2023]

Making REAL effort not to come across that way. I don’t talk to her every chance as i get, but I been guilty of whining to her before. And it took until after she deleted me on social media before she finally explained what exactly was wrong. And now sometimes I slip up and sometimes I don’t. And I get bad results when I do only for her to come back around a few days later.

It’s been a roller coaster

[divine1966]

We discussed with you many times that it’s not flattering for people at all. Especially not on the job. It doesn’t matter why people don’t like it. They just don’t.

Talk to your therapist and case manager about it if you need more help understanding it

[Nammu]

You keep on asking the same question hoping someone will give you the answer you want to hear. You need to accept that your behavior is out of line, and you need to change that behavior if you want a different outcome.

[unaluna]

You cant be super nice to some people and then rude to other people. People wont trust you, and they wont like you.

When your at work you do need to be nice to the customers and your colleagues - even when you don't like them

[Mendingmysoul]

When people discuss about you,the inconsistency in your behaviour may be noticed. People will find it weird that you have different behaviours with different people.I mean I am not suggesting you be nice with toxic people.But if you pick some to treat well not others,that's noticeable.

Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul

When people discuss about you,the inconsistency in your behaviour may be noticed. People will find it weird that you have different behaviours with different people.I mean I am not suggesting you be nice with toxic people.But if you pick some to treat well not others,that's noticeable.

Even with toxic people, its best to be civil

cause you never know if by being unkind to them, you might be painting a target on your back

[ruby2023]

Her only problem with me the past 6 months is that I’m always “whining and complaining” to her. It just took a few months to understand and that’s only when she finally told me in December. But it’s only now that it totally sinks in. I push back against things I don’t understand.

[Rive.]

There is a difference between ''being nice'' and ''obsessing'' over someone. Obsession is scary and unhealthy.

These people might not like you back or not want your attention. They are 'uncomfortable' because they want you to leave them alone. You not respecting their boundaries is not 'flattering', it is scary and disrespectful.

The message is clear: you have lost jobs and the current one is at stake. So, stop doing what is costing you jobs and relationships. Seek help.

[OafFish]

I think attention needs to be equal and fair. If two people feel the same about each other it's fair and generally healthy. If it's one sided or off balance, I think people sense that it's wrong and can be unwelcome

I think you can't make someone want something they just don't want, that includes attention

[Mendingmysoul]

If she has a problem with your whining and complaining, you have your answer right there.Refect on your own behaviours and see if you are whining and complaining too much and driving people away who are nice to you.

[Bill3]

I push back against things I don’t understand

I kindly suggest that you might want to rethink this. If someone is resisting you, they don't need to explain why. When you notice resistance, you should step back. It makes people uneasy and/or frightened when someone ignores social cues to step back.

[*Beth*]

I don't know your history, so I'm kind-of guessing at it. I can give you an example from my own life. A while ago I had a friend who I really liked and respected. But she pushed for more of a friendship from me than I could give. Eventually, she wanted so much time and attention that it felt like I was being smothered. Like my time wasn't my own. I felt overwhelmed. My friend's behavior began to remind me of my mother when I was growing up. Manipulating and very needy.

By "obsessing" do you mean needy and smothering, maybe?

[divine1966]

I think in work environment we have to behave certain way no matter how and what we feel. It’s not easy but if we want to keep a job, we must suck it up and it’s better to keep interactions neutral

[ArmorPlate108]

I also am not familiar with your history, but this is what comes to my mind:

In some of the self-improvement I've been doing recently, they use the term "fawn." Perhaps this is what you are doing? You fawn over certain people in an attempt to build closer relationships? No, people don't like it, work or not, and for some of us, that can be hard to understand- especially if no one much fawns over us and we'd like a little of that from time to time.

One self help person I follow says that those of us who have trouble with relationships tend to do the four F's. Those are fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. None of them are good. We engage too quickly on an emotional level. Detaching and learning/ practicing good boundaries are good places to start.

Do you go to counseling or engage in self improvement practices otherwise?

[SlumberKitty]

I think I would feel uncomfortable if someone were obsessing over me. I would step back and try to establish boundaries. It's great that you like people and that you want to show them attention, but especially in the workplaces, relationships need to be and stay pretty neutral.

One thing I would suggest is finding a place to volunteer. You can get involved with people there and show them how much you care.

Best of luck, Kit

[Mendingmysoul]

Ruby 2023,people are subtly letting you know they are not comfortable with you by pushing you away.You should take the heed of it.If you stubbornly continue,try to push their boundaries more and more or go overboard with your clingy behaviours, they may report you to authorities for staking behaviours. You need to understand other people's boundaries regarding friendships.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I don't know your history, so I'm kind-of guessing at it. I can give you an example from my own life. A while ago I had a friend who I really liked and respected. But she pushed for more of a friendship from me than I could give. Eventually, she wanted so much time and attention that it felt like I was being smothered. Like my time wasn't my own. I felt overwhelmed. My friend's behavior began to remind me of my mother when I was growing up. Manipulating and very needy.

By "obsessing" do you mean needy and smothering, maybe?

She means stalking, which she has had problems with before.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by ruby2023

I never intended to come across that way. I only meant to be nice back to those who liked me and treated me nicely. I was ALOT nicer to certain people than to everyone else cuz those few people were my favorites. Shouldn’t they be flattered?

It’s cost me every job I ever had and my current one is in jeopardy

Ruby, you need to learn to accept and respect other people's boundaries and that no means no.

I'm not sure that it's possible for you to understand anyone's reasons, but you certainly can respect someone's boundaries when they establish them and that no means no, and while you may have questions, you are not entitled to answer. If someone wants to be left alone, you need to do so without question.

I recommend you ask your therapist about DBT and distress tolerance so you can work on respecting people's boundaries without stalking or getting in trouble.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by ruby2023

I never intended to come across that way. I only meant to be nice back to those who liked me and treated me nicely. I was ALOT nicer to certain people than to everyone else cuz those few people were my favorites. Shouldn’t they be flattered?

It’s cost me every job I ever had and my current one is in jeopardy

I thought you were done asking these questions, you keep asking the same thing and obsessing over the same people. It's not flattering, it is downright creepy and disrespectful. You need to talk to a therapist, this has gone way past what we can handle. Also you seem to expect us to give you different advice and side with you, I know this is going to sound incredibly harsh but no one is going to change their viewpoint. You need to realize how creepy you're coming off and stop obsessing over others, you are so lucky no one has pressed charges or at least have a restraining order against you and that's probably because you have a disorder so people are cutting you a break.

[VeronicaDavis10]

It's important to treat everyone with kindness and respect, regardless of whether or not they treat you the same way. Playing favorites can create a toxic work environment and make others feel excluded or undervalued. It's understandable that you may have thought you were being nice, but it's important to be mindful of how your actions and behavior may be perceived by others. It's unfortunate that this has caused you problems in the past, and it's important to learn from those experiences and strive to do better moving forward. If your current job is in jeopardy, it's important to take responsibility for your actions and make efforts to improve your behavior and relationships with your coworkers.

[Jany Pearson]

It sounds like things are hard for you. Even though it's natural to want to be nicer to people who are nice to you, it's important to be kind and respectful to everyone in a professional setting. Your actions could be seen as favoritism or discrimination, which could get you in trouble at work.

It might help to think about why you feel like you have to pick favorites and work on treating everyone the same. Also, try to build good relationships with all of your coworkers, not just the ones you like best. Good luck!

[ruby2023]

It’s just been really frustrating that I scare off ALL my favorite people. She’s the 8th one since I came to this town all these years ago. I tend to favorite those who been super nice to me. And they had all indeed started off liking me.

I’m now pushing 5 years at my mcdonalds location. I also previously worked at another mcdonalds store but thst lasted only a year cuz my favorite person stopped scheduling me any hours. She found me too much. And at both stores, managers and crew friend each other on social media and message each other outside work.

At both locations, my favorite person deleted me but they still friend my coworkers. It’s sad that they stopped liking me