Why do some people tend to target people who are vulnerable, weak or sensitive?

Why do some people prey or bully those that they perceive to be weak, easy targets, or vulnerable? I have never fully understood that 100%. I do get that some people are oppurtunists.

I think it’s disgusting low life behavior. I think I’m to good of a person to ever take advantage or to abuse other people just because I could.

So it’s hard for me to understand why some people can do it without any regard for other peoples feelings.

Examples:

1) Someone will pretend to be interested in being your friend just so they can use you as a free therapist and then dump you when they no longer need you anymore.

2) A guy who will pretend to like you as a platonic friend & then when you reject him for sex, he’ll get mad & then tell you that he never liked you at all & that he had all these negative feelings about you the whole time.

3) A friend who knows that you have mental health issues like anxiety & depression but at some point uses that against you by say that you’re always a victim & that you’re always. ‘negative’, you always‘ complain’ about everything or that you’re to ‘’whiny’. Or a ‘drug addict’ for taking prescription medication.

4) Online: Trolls or rude, mean or insensitive people who makes fun of people with obvious disabilities or who judge other people for having problems or for disagreeing with others online. People shouldn’t be rude or disrespectful to other people online.

Also, is there a way for vulnerable sensitive target types to protect themselves from predators? I say this because I have had issues attracting people who seem to think it’s fun to mess with with me or use me on some level. It’s disgusting.

I try to avoid most people now because I have trouble trusting most people.

I think #1 and #2 have been around since the beginning of time. People can, by nature, be selfish. It sucks but that's the reality. I can't speak to #3.

For #4 I just think it's the decline of decency in society as we know it. Everything these days is about "likes", "followers", "subscribers", etc. Social media has created this monster and it's only getting worse. The bullying and shaming in presumed anonymity give cowards the "courage" to say things they would never dream of saying in person.

The Internet is great for communicating, research, and learning but, humans being humans, we found a way to even screw that up.

I think it helps to be selective. Of course we all run into nasty people here and there but in general they wouldn’t be your friends. So when you state you have friends like that, then it’s concerning why you build friendships with these folks? Not everyone should be your friend.

You don’t know who people are online. If it’s anonymous, there’s no way to know who you are even talking to. Might be completely different person than you think. Could even be a teenager for all you know. Be careful who you are talking to online

Yea you can protect yourself from predators by not trusting everyone you meet and not open up to strangers until you know them well

I don’t think it really matters “why” people are a problem. I have no control over them. I only have control over me.

So, I am careful. I do what is best to keep my own well-being in mind. I know the people I choose to interact with. I don’t go places alone unless I am very familiar with the location, its environment, and the types of people who frequent the venue. I make smart choices.

Not everyone I meet is “friend” material. Some people are just acquaintances for a particular activity, but I know that some people are just not my kind of people. Thus, beyond that particular activity, I don’t give them much thought, and even within an activity there are just people I steer clear of. I’m choosy.

I don’t interact personally with people I only know from forums or chats. That’s just incredibly unsafe (and honestly, I don’t privately interact with people I don’t personally know in real life on technology. Too many bad players out there.)

I don’t do drama. I just don’t. I am averse to adults who act like the teenagers I teach. I don’t interact with that kind of crowd.

I am generally rather private. I keep my crap to myself. I don’t want to be a therapist to people; it’s sort of that drama thing I avoid. And it goes both ways. I save my personal stuff ONLY for my most trusted friends and loved ones, and even then I am careful about what I share with which people. Not everyone needs to know everything about me, nor is everyone capable of truly hearing and being able to process everything. I am not either. We have to have common sense boundaries about ourselves.

That may sound like I must not do anything or have friends, but it isn’t the case. I am very actively involved in many activities and have trusted friends in each. But I am not a social butterfly either. I enjoy a small and supportive group of people and it is fun but very drama-free. We’re adults with the ability to have common interests and friendships without devolving into pettiness.

Some people like the feeling of superiority targeting and talking down to others gives them.

When things like this keep happening it’s time to take an honest look in the mirror and say, I’m I too negative, do I whine. If the answer is yes then work on that.

So true. A lot these days is about likes & followers.

That’s true. I have been to often to often to soon for my own good. No more. I can’t even trust anyone I know anymore sadly.

Uh, really? You don’t know what goes on in another persons life exactly, so don’t judge, OK?

Extremely true. I remember what you told me. I. should block more of those unhelpful power trippers who seem to enjoy looking down on me soon, lol 😆

@jesyka, those who bully, target, and prey on more vulnerable types are in fact, deeply vulnerable insecure people who are overcompensating for their deep-seated feelings of inferiority.

Those who get targeted are typically the really nice people, the more trusting and open people. Those who share their weaknesses, problems, and vulnerabilities openly and in a more innocent and trusting manner. These types of people interpret "nice" as "weak" and therefore, you become a target.

In order to avoid being a target, you have to develop a thick skin and attitude, and be tough on the outside. It means you can't open up to new people so willingly, or expose your vulnerabilities, weaknesses, or issues. It means you have to hold you cards close to your chest, because anyone you meet can take advantage of you and you don't know yet whom you can trust and whom you cannot trust. It means adopting a poker face. It means keeping conversations lighthearted and fun and not personal. It means acting as though you are in a professional work environment and cannot open up or expose yourself to your peers and superiors. It means giving off a vibe of "don't mess with me". It means having strong boundaries and when people violate those boundaries, it means being strong and tough enough to stand up for yourself and walk away.

I am learning how to do this myself, as I too, have been a target for many bullies, abusers, and toxic types. And yes, once a pattern has revealed itself, you do have to ask yourself "what am I doing to attract these types of people over and over again?"

This is such an interesting topic and I may have more to add later, but for right now I can observe that I think part of it may be that some of us are extroverted or tend to be more "open books" and thus simply more likely to allow a toxic person into our lives. I recently moved to a new town and was seeking new friends, and had a bad experience that blindsided me because it happened via a writing group, a scenario that had previously seemed "safe" to me after years of participating in such groups without negative incidents.


When people are older - especially over 30 or 40, I think some people have settled into their friend groups and not really open to meeting new people. But extroverts like me (or sometimes less extroverted people who are in a new situation - new job, newly single, new city or whatever) will seek new contacts and affiliation. And Toxic people are sometimes the ones who sense that. Perhaps because they are toxic, they have less friends or are single and thus open to new contacts and finding new "victims."


I certainly notice with my newly single female friends that say dating is much more difficult when older, simply because the guys who are "good relationship" material are already taken. The remaining options may be players, confirmed bachelors, or have other issues.


Anyway, I have to go back to sleep but interested to see where this discussion leads. I am actually meeting someone from my depression support group tomorrow - she invited me to go for coffee. I am determined to take this super slow and very casual this time, since I don't know if she is friend material.

As a sidenote and my sincere apologies for going off topic but, @Samicat, I do not believe that all the "good relationship" material guys are gone at an older age. I refuse to believe that as a newly single 53 year old female, and I believe that it's very pessimistic and fatalistic for anyone single at my age to think that way. Of course there are still good men available at any age. And at my age, many "good" men have also been married and divorced. Over half the population in the US gets divorced. With that statistic, how can all the "good" men be gone? That is erroneous thinking and it makes it seem hopeless for those of us females who ARE single and who want a relationship. Females who think that way are far too pessimistic.

Sorry, but I had to reply to that.

I think if we say that all good men are taken, then it’s fair to say that all good women are taken but that’s just not true.

Dating as we age is harder because most decent people have much higher standard than when we were younger. We also have specific green lights and red flags that we maybe didn’t have when we were younger or less experienced in relationships. Both men and women. So it’s true that it’s harder, but not because good people are taken.

I actually don’t think that extraverted people are more likely to meet toxic folks. I think it might be the other way around. Extraverted people have lots of experiences with different people and they’d spot unsavory character rather quickly. Introverts and people who in general have limited experiences with others (work, school, hobby groups etc) don’t always recognize that someone is just no good because they don’t know as many people and don’t recognize unsavory behaviors.

I think it’s also important to not only be selective but also take a look at overall life style and where you are meeting these toxic people. If these are club and bars and drinking and getting stoned (or even hard core drug abuse) take place, then it’s not that unusual that people get argumentative and come across toxic. That’s just come with the territory.

Making adjustment to one’s life style and looking for friends in other places might lead to finding healthier people. They might not become close friends every time but at least they won’t behave in a trashy manner.

Hopefully you're right. It's just speculation on my part or what I've heard.

I think you may be confusing extroversion, a personality trait, with social competence or confidence. I'm extroverted and was not able to spot an unsavory character or pick up on red flags recently - as least as far as a potential friendship. Extroverts can just as often be socially anxious or inexperienced as introverts. Just the drive for interaction is higher. I think it's actually better to be in the middle on the introversion-extroversion continuum.

I don’t know what’s better.

I am just saying that I don’t believe that extroverted people are more likely to allow toxic people in their lives. There’s just no evidence of that imho. It’s just an opinion. One opinion isn’t better than other. In absence of evidence both are just opinions.

No, I am not confusing things. No I wasn’t talking about social competence

What you said is very true. Sorry to hear thst you’ve had issues dealing with people who’ve bern toxic too.

I have unfortunately bern to trusting, open & naieve with people in the past. Also, some people who I thought were nice good people put up a very good act at first. Even someone who isn’t naieve might’ve been fooled by their b.s persona until they got to know them better.

Sorry to hear about your bad experience. It seems like toxic people have a sixth sense about detecting vulnerabilities & loneliness.

Toxic people are everywhere. One of the most toxic two faced person I ever met was from a womens meetup grouo. It was this fake Christian lady who was my former nest friend.

She spread numerous lies aboutbme to a mutual friend & another lady I know. She said that I was a drug addict for taking prescription medication.

Then she said that all I do all day is drink & eat since I don’t eant to eork & that I’m lazy. She revealed intimate detsils of my marriage too.

And she accused me of heing a lesbian too which isn’t true at all. I’m asexual but I still take care of my husband ls needs, so rhe moron thinks I must be gay, lol.

There’s more, but that’s the just of it. She was obviously extremely jealous of me since her dream in life was to get married & be taken care of by a man. She’s been divorced twice.

This trashy loser had an affair with a married man with kids too. And shes a good Christian lady, lol.

She sounds awful. What a loser. Terrible.

The only thing I’d suggest is to avoid sharing intimate details of your life with people you barely know. The only person who knows details of my sex life is my husband lol I’d not want to know what happens in a bedroom of even my closest friends, why would they need to know mine? No one can spread details of your marriage if they don’t know those details, and they shouldn’t know. It’s private

That’s quite strange that you want to share that with random person in a meetup group. Same about meds you take. Why would she need to know? I am not saying you must be secretive but why does everyone need to know?

I’d try to be more selective about what you share and when and why and with whom. Take your time to become close friends before disclosing too much. And some stuff like your sex life doesn’t need to be disclosed at all

I hear you and thanks...

I, too, have been trusting, open and naive when meeting new people, and that's precisely how I've made myself more vulnerable to being a target for toxic types of people. At times, I've even been desperate for companionship, male or female. People can pick up on that and take advantage of it.

Now I'm learning to be far more cautious and discerning. It takes practice and time.

Just be far more conscientious and careful going forward and you will make progress.

Yeah, she is a jealous loser. I made a big mistake telling her about my personal life. It’s actually common to share some personal details with close friends & best friends.

I don’t tell just anyone about these things even though it seems like it, lol. I have been open with people on here about what meds I take & other things as this us a support board, BUT I normally am more private & discreet with most people I don’t know that well irl, lol.

I thought that I could trust her. I was wrong obviously. I knew her for 2 or 3 years. So she wasn’t a stranger to me & we knew each other in person too.