Things to do/not to do in a relationship

There is a someone who came into my life recently, and through the insanity that I bring they have been a great inspiration. They said they care immensely about me, and that they would help me out in any way they can. There is reciprocity with that too.

I am awful at maintaining relationships. I don't want to test them/push them away, or run away at the slightest hint that they're going to leave like I always do.

Simply be yourself and let things fall into place.

that's going to scare them away

If being yourself might scare people away. It could mean you are either not ready for a relationship or looking for wrong people. For relationship to work you can’t be anything but yourself. Of course it’s different if it’a short encounter because people normally can’t pretend more than 2-3 months (unless someone is a professional spy or similar).

Communicate with tact and care. In a conflict, try to avoid letting emotions run away with you, or blaming the other person. I have learned to let my husband know that even though I may be upset about something, I just need to feel the feeling, and I'm not expecting him to come in and fix it.

Sometimes we expect people to be a certain way and things don't turn out to be what we expected. So, it is important to let go at this moment. If you hold on to the past, for example, abandonment, betrayal, then it will hurt you even more. Develop new hobbies and skills, it will give you a new meaning in life, a reason to live.

I never specified strictly romantic relationships if that seemed to be something implied. I do not wish to be a man on a deserted island. (Or a woman in a city with no human interaction)

I think this is just coming to the surface now and becoming a problem now that I'm in a city trying to make healthy connections, as opposed to being in a small town with an opiate problem, knowing every addict, and spiraling with them. And that being okay because it's the norm for meth addicts, alcoholics, or people that smoke weed dipped in formaldehyde or some shyt. Insight kinda sucks, but it's kinda great when you realize there are better ways that yield better results.

I seriously need to relearn the basics of the better ways and master them though and then master the ways of being better.

I'm just so stupid that my mind goes "perfect person in life->(perceived?) slight or faintest sign they won't always be around->do something that tests the relationship to see if they'll stay but eventually they leave sometimes because they realize I'm awful sometimes because I've straight up told them to fk off->screw it, gonna drink for days, make an attempt probably both->hospitalization and being convinced there's hope->restart of cycle.

But I've noticed this IS a repeat thing for me, the way I go about it is incredibly manipulative (even though I don't mean for it to be), and I'm going to put a stop to it no matter how uncomfortable I may feel.

Aren't you describing characteristic symptomatology of your BPD? And if so, being aware of why you have been in this cycle should help you develop healthier ways of relating. Say, you identify that event A has happened, e.g. the faintest sign that they won't always be around. Identify the typical response to events like that from your past. In your cycle, it is doing something that tests the relationship. OK, to stop the cycle, focus on NOT doing that specific thing. Do not test them. That is how you break the cycle, by focusing on specific segments of that cycle and breaking the individual "connectors" that, taken together, have made your relationships in the past deteriorate.

Totally right.

I've been learning about BPD thinking it's more of a problem than I thought. The way the T that dx'd me with described it made it seem like chaotic relationships were kinda a minor side thing combined with separate traits that just sometimes show up as a cluster in a person and then they're diagnosed, but nah, it's more like each symptom leads to and feeds off each other, usually because of a certain way of growing up. What I'm learning tells me this thing has affected a lot more than I thought. Kinda pissed it took 10 years of treatment for some one to say "hey, this is a thing," and then them brushing it off like it's just a cut that'll heal itself, and then to read and watch enough videos on it to get a decent understanding and be pissed at myself for seeing someone say "hey, this is incredibly unhealthy behavior" and me not seeing or ignoring that it's unhealthy behavior not just for myself but for people around me too.

I still feel like I need a step by step instruction guide on how to keep people in my life though.