As she was continously cursing, which is a habit she knows I hate. And in a very negative way.

So, I calmly asked her if she remembered my rule about no cursing in the apartment.

Well, she got very indignant, saying that she didn't have to stop cursing because I (apparently) don't follow her rules when I am in her apartment (which I do, for the most part, all the time) and that since she was 55 years old, she did not have to follow my rules.

I calmly explained that this was my apartment and asked if she could please respect me while she was here. She refused, and therefore I advised her if she wanted to continue cursing she would have to go home.

Well, what a huff she got in. She began pacing around and yelling, threw my apartment key I lent her, complained about how she works her butt off and had spent a whole five minutes warming up my dinner, and said she would never come back and would have my aunt pick up her stuff tomorrow.

This is a prime example of how immature my mother is and why I feel the need to have rules in my apartment that I need her to follow. She is overdramatic and mentally unstable too, and has very poor coping skills.

I am pleased with the way I handled the situation though. I remained calm the entire time, giving her choices which she could follow. In the end, it was her who chose to leave over stopping the negative cursing.

Thoughts?

ETA: I also forgot to mention that she claimed she had been told off like a little child. I don't think that I told her off like a child in any way, and I think this is more her perception of any criticism than me coming down on her in a way that makes her feel badly.

[sabby]

((((( Rainbowzz )))))

You handled the situation perfectly from what you say. When you give someone choices and they choose, then it's all on them right? You have every right to expect her to watch her language around you and the baby....if she won't respect you now, I hate to think of how she will talk and behave around the baby *sigh*.

Good for you for keeping calm cool and collected. You and your baby need that right now and you did wonderfully!


sabby

[bebop]

I applaud you hon! you stand your ground! it is up to you to protect you and that baby you are carrying! good for you!

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_sabby_ said:
((((( Rainbowzz )))))

You have every right to expect her to watch her language around you and the baby....if she won't respect you now, I hate to think of how she will talk and behave around the baby *sigh*.
sabby

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This is exactly why I am enforcing these rules now, rather than later. It might seem like it doesn't matter but she needs to understand now that in my house, with my little family, she needs to have respect for my rules. Sadly alot of time it is like dealing with a child.

[Gracey]

Rain honey, I think our mothers were separated at birth.

Even now. . .after a five year separation with my mother, I have to remind her at times what our family rules are, and that IF she wants to be a part of this family (ie Grandma) then she has to follow the rules. Some are negotiable. . .some aren't.

Stand your ground. You're a mama now. . .and your child needs you.

[ECHOES]

I love how you stood up for your boundaries and values, and in a rational and matter-of-fact manner. That is so hard to do when something like that is happening.

[BalishBun]

I would have asked mine to do the same thing. My sister has a cursing problem and I have a totally different outlook. I think its disrespectful to swear in front of family, but my sister does it like its part of normal speech. It drives me crazy!

Thanks all of you for backing me up on this one.

I also made sure last night after a couple hours had passed to call my mother at home and have a normal conversation with her, to let her know that I still cared about her and wasn't holding a grudge of any kind. She was just as normal with me, and did not bring up the upset. I think once she had time to think about it it probably made a little more sense to her and she is coming back over now and then we are going for groceries together. So I am interested to see how she does with this.

[AAAAA]

(((((rain))))) You handled the situation perfectly! It's so hard to put your foot down when it comes to a parent, but you've got a little one to think of now, and it's better she knows the ground rules now. You're going to be a great mom!

[Perna]

That's wonderful that you stated your postion/boundary AND followed it up by enforcing the consequence. I love that she's coming over again and you're still working on this. Might take her awhile to get her cussing habit under control though? Any other way you all can work on it together rather than having to ask her to go away each time?

Perna, I have been thinking and thinking and haven't come up with much to be honest. I almost wish I knew more about therapeutic ways to approach this with her, as it might help. I am certainly open to anything you might have to offer or anything else. It really does pain me to have to ask her to leave, I just feel if she doesn't get it down now what is going to happen when my son is born, you know?

And of course notwithstanding the baby I should be able to have control over my own house and the experiences I have in it, to the best of my ability. She did REALLY well though when she was here today, I did not hear one curse the whole time she was here, and we sat around (didn't end up going for groceries) for some time chatting. I was pleased. I hope that it lasts, but I am still open to suggestions.

[StarPonysMama]

I think along with Gracey, our mothers were separated at birth. Great job for the way you handled it and being kind enough to try to WORK on it. It is very hard. I had a little different situation with my mom but kind of the same. She had no respect for my space and my want to have a life of my own. She would make it very difficult for me to have relationships with men, as I guess she never wanted to "lose" me. She's also very co-dependent although she rationalizes it in her own mind as "caring".

Anyhew, hope things get better and KUDOS to you for demanding the respect you deserve as a person!

[CedarS]

Rainbowzz I am so impressed, good for you! You are an inspiration.

[youOme]

sounds A LOT like my Mom...

I feel for ya hun, there ain't much that can be done but some boundary control. Over these years with my children she's learned that she does what I expect of her around my kids and if she doesn't then she ain't welcomed around here....she does very well for the most part.

[timeforsleep]

Rainbowz, I feel you. It is no fun to deal with your parents being childish and foolish. It is worse than no fun it is a loss of dignity for me.