[557lover]

For some reason, I bring out the bully in every person I meet. These are just regular, non problematic people. Something about me causes them to laugh at me. It seems like they need to find others who agree with their assessment of me, so they vocalize their hatred or annoyance with me with other people. If there's one thing they can agree on, it's their shared feelings of dislike and hatred for me.

People will either make fun of me or angrily vent their feelings about me with one another. They don't say why they dislike me, they just complain about me being around.

On the other hand there are those who will mock me. They will make fun of just about everything about me and call me a loser. I get called that word so much! It's not she's a loser for dropping out of college or something (just an example), it's she's a loser said in a mean girl type of way followed by laughter. Like, it seems like an attack on the person I am.

I kind of get it, I hardly talk, I'm socially anxious, awkward and fail to connect with people, but I've never seen other people who are the same way get bullied so much, especially in adulthood. Honestly, it makes me feel super alone!

Women who are my age and in their 20's act like mean girls and start saying rude things within earshot. It's not just women wjo are my age, it's men too and people of every age. Something abput me just makes people either enraged or feel like they need to bully me.

I will admit, I am very awkward and shy. I am different. I guess it's really noticeable because people will hate me immediately without me even having to speak a word! Like in a store, I was waiting in line and the woman behind me said "I don't want to be in line behind HER!" Was at a hospital and the nurse went out to get me a pamphlet and said "I have to get HER a pamphlet!" In an annoyed mocking kind of voice.

There are more instances. At hospitals it's the worst because they go right outside my room and start talking negatively about me. I HATE it when I'm being made fun of! Everyone around me tells me I need to stop caring what everyone thinks, but it's easy for them to say! I know we've all had this happen to us, but with a normal person, it's just like 1 or 2 people. With me, it feels like the whole world is laughing at me, which Is why I'll never put myself in the public eye!

I go to stores I frequent and all the employees there start making fun of me the way someone would get made fun of in highschool.

I'm not paranoid, most of the time, people will insult me to get me to hear it. They'll do anything to get a reaction out of me because according to them they hate me. This is said a lot!

I feel like a bad person. Every bad intention gets pasted onto me. She must've be doing this because she's selfish! Every accidental thing I do is percieved as being done to harm the other person or it was necause I did it on purpose and it wasn't an accident. Nothing good gets said about me. My whole family talks badly about me too.

I wish I knew it wasn't my fault,but two psychiatrists told me I was "being nicer". I never thought I was being mean at all! I feel like I walk on eggshells to avoid making people mad, but they get mad at me anyway!

I don't know what to do. I've been told the bullying thing is because I lack confidemce. Which is true. I am REALLY socially anxious! I don't look people in the eyes because I'm worried they may think things about me. Lol

[CANDC]

Hi @557lover welcome to MSF - I am sorry you are bullied. That must be rough on you.

What do you like to do the most; find most enjoyable?

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]

[557lover]

Hi, @CANDC. I guess I enjoy going on hikes and listening to music if that's what you're asking. I never really put thought into it, but travel is fun.

[Zena99]

You don't sound like a mean person. Am I missing something? I sometimes have problems with people bullying me, although they don't seem to gang up on me. I think these people are usually trying with all their might to conform and be part of a group, and they see me as an isolated individual. So they want to find out if their conformist group membership makes them more powerful than me. Just for the heck of it. I didn't do anything to piss them off. Sometimes they think they need to establish that I did something bad, so they'll lay traps. For instance, they'll catch me rushing around, then deliberately stand in my walkway hoping I'll bump into them.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by 557lover

Hi, @CANDC. I guess I enjoy going on hikes and listening to music if that's what you're asking. I never really put thought into it, but travel is fun.

I guess what I was seeking to find something positive you enjoy. My own experience is that what I focus on has a big effect on my mood.

CANDC

[557lover]

Thank you, @CANDC. What you are telling me is what a friend has been trying to tell me for a long time. I do put too much focus onto this. I've ruminated on it for a long time.

[557lover]

Originally Posted by Zena99

You don't sound like a mean person. Am I missing something? I sometimes have problems with people bullying me, although they don't seem to gang up on me. I think these people are usually trying with all their might to conform and be part of a group, and they see me as an isolated individual. So they want to find out if their conformist group membership makes them more powerful than me. Just for the heck of it. I didn't do anything to piss them off. Sometimes they think they need to establish that I did something bad, so they'll lay traps. For instance, they'll catch me rushing around, then deliberately stand in my walkway hoping I'll bump into them.

Similar things happen to me. I always thought they were just trying to get on my nerves or get a reaction. Lol. I don't remember if I said that before.

It's nice to know that I'm not completely alone.

[Tart Cherry Jam]

Your analysis of the situation (group dynamics, conformity, etc) is really profound. I would volunteer at a local hospice. Or, if there is a children's hospital in your vicinity, ask if you can volunteer to read to or play with pediatric cancer patients. Being of service to others who are in grave distress can change your life and your whole outlook. You won't be ruminating so much, won't be on high alert all the time, and will become less socially anxious and awkward.

[557lover]

Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam

Your analysis of the situation (group dynamics, conformity, etc) is really profound. I would volunteer at a local hospice. Or, if there is a children's hospital in your vicinity, ask if you can volunteer to read to or play with pediatric cancer patients. Being of service to others who are in grave distress can change your life and your whole outlook. You won't be ruminating so much, won't be on high alert all the time, and will become less socially anxious and awkward.

This is what I planned to do. I guess this is my sign to do it as soon as I get well. I'm kind of sick rn.

[Tart Cherry Jam]

Originally Posted by 557lover

This is what I planned to do. I guess this is my sign to do it as soon as I get well. I'm kind of sick rn.

Wait until you are well. You need to be well to give of yourself. Best!