[sofrustrated]

My husband of 5 1/2 years, has left march 4th. We are having the same small issues since we got married. Never getting resolved, due to him not getting the point. And not talking. Short temper. I know we could work things out if he would get back on his meds but he refuses. So he left to "think". Cause it was to hard for him to think and being here. Says he will be back but sometimes not so sure. I know he is being immature about the whole thing. yet at the same time I know he is hurting. I have tried to be patent with his ADHD but hard to deal with it when I dont know what to do. I have 4 kids so trying to do what is best for the family. Please help I dont know what to do and cant take it anymore. He also refuses marriage counseling or therapy.

If he is refusing meds and councling then there is not alot you can do.

You have to put your children and yourself first he certainly is putting himself first.

Your right it does sound very childish.

[Lenny]

Hi sofrustrated....

You sound frustrated and I can't blame you. I'm sure your children are as confused, if not more so...Where is Daddy?...It is heartbreaking what illness can do to families...

I know this is hard but my suggestion is a viable one...Something must change here if real long term progress is be realized.

Make a boundary,,a loving one,,,but one that is not negotiable. He will enter therapy and agree to continue and take the advice and prescribed medication. You will agree to enter therapy with him at a later date after he is properly diagnosed and medicated.

Refusal to agree to this for his sake and the sake of the family means he is not done "thinking".

He cannot return to the house until he has had his first appointment.

I know this is hard, but his illness will take him down and you and your children too if you let it...

IMHO.

Lenny

[sofrustrated]

Thankyou for posting, ya I was thinking the same thing. Just so confused right now.

[sofrustrated]

Thank you I was thinking the same thing.
I dont want it to end, but I know he wont seek counseling and def no meds. And now he has high blood pressure. Before the hi BP i had mentioned to just try it for a few months. Wasnt asking him to stay on it forever, just to give it a try for the sake of our family, and that now that he is older he wouldnt be changing in his weight so the meds wouldnt have to keep fluctuating. But he still refused. I have also sent him this site, So that if we cant work things out at least maybe he can try to have a better relationship in the future.

[sofrustrated]

Right now is a crucial time. I am afraid he wont get help and I know I deserve someone who will. But I am willing to still try I love him so. And so do my kids most of the time. Just wish I knew what to say to him. To be able to talk to him. How do you talk to someone who cant concentrate. and prob only gets half of what I am saying. Tried waiting till he decides to talk sometimes it works most of the time not. Tried only talking about one thing, I dont know just wish I knew how to talk to him.

[Perna]

There's a good site with adult ADHD info, including a section on relationship issues: http://www.add.org/articles/index.html

Sounds like a real tough situation. Hope you all can work it out.