[faith224]

I have been in a serious relationship with this guy for awhile now and the relationship is getting a bit on the rough side and I don't know whether or not if I should stay with him or leave him alone. I know we both have feelings for each other, but as the relationship goes on he is starting to lie and he never keeps his words and he doesn't show any actions to back up his words. I have been hurt by that because I really believed in him and trusted him and I feel the opposite now. I mean he even admitted and said to me that he was taking me for granted and now that he sees I am not going to put up with his bull crap he is going to not do that. Why would he do that to begin with? Another issue is he is very flirtatious in front of me and it makes me feel like I cannot trust him when he is not with me. I know everyone flirts in one way or another, but it is really disrepectful to do it in front of your woman. Another issue I am having is that he always saids he is going to do something and then he never does it and lies about it. Another issue I am having is he is forever sleeping over his friends house, his uncles house, and one time recently some woman's house and each time his excuse was that he was drunk and his boys were drunk so there was no way for him to get home. He is 24 years old. I am upset that he slept over a chick's house that happened to be my neighbor and she gets around oif you know what I mean. I mean he said he didn't do anyhting and I don't know what to believe because you never know, but my thing is why even put yourself in that situation to make me feel the way I do. I would feel the way I do if he hasn't gave me any reasons. Also, another issue I am having with him is that I've started doing what he has done to me. Not on purpose becuase I am not doing tit for tat, but doing it because a part of me is falling out of love with him. When I do something just like he did to me he doesn't like it, but it is alight for him to do it. I am beginning not to care anymore and say the hell with him. I bring up my feelings up to him and he said tonight that he didn't give a [censored] what is bothering me. I mean damn why am I with him. If he doesn't care about what is bothering me then he is not the one for me. I mean I care about him, but I can't keep hurting. I keep seeing him trying to change for the best and he still does things some of the same things over and over again like he wasn't listening to anything I was talking to him about and what he said was a bunch of crap. What I mean by changing is changing the way he treats me. For the most part he has respect for me and treats me so good like a queen, but then the other him treats me like the complete opposite. I broke up with him once and he asked for another chance and I gave him another chance, then he turned sround and did the same [censored] again and then I broke up with him again and he wanted another chance well I am tired of giving him chances. Each day he shows me that he is not ready for a relationship. Another iss ue in the relationship is that I am struggling with money and he is constantly asking me for money and I don't mind giving him money, but he is starting to ask for it all the time. I don't make a lot of money and I am backed up on bills. I mean I can hardly take care of myself financailly and I don't think I can finaicailly raise both of us. I just don't know what to do. Should I try and work it out or just leave him all alone together before it just draggs on and we are both not happy. All I want is to be happy. I am better off being happy by myself because I don't need this extra unnessary stress. If I known what I should do then why don't I just do it. Let him go. It is so much easier said then done because I have feelings for him and I care about him, but I am tired of feeling the way I do. What should I do. Am I wrong for feeling the way I do? Thanks

[curlyq]

Hi. Welcome here. I read your post and felt bad at how he treats you. It is totally up to you to leave or stay. I guess I would ask myself how many more chances should he get, is he trustworthy, can the two of you make things better? For one thing it sounds like he may have a drinking problem. He is also not honest with you as you have explained. I think trust and honesty and faithfulness are very important. I guess it's possible he could change if he were to pay attention to what he does that hurts you and stops doing it. Maybe you could ask him to go to couples therapy. If he would go that could be a good indicator of his wanting to change and willing to work on the relationship. It will take time and patience, too. If it were I and he would not go and would not listen to me, I'd figure it was disrespectful to me and I would not stay with him. But that's just me and what I'd do. I'm at an age (in my 40s) where I can't waste time with guys who aren't 100% with me. I know you love him and want it to work and I hope that can come true for you if you so desire. Good luck to you.

<font color=red>HAPPY</font color=red> <font color=green>HOLIDAYS!</font color=green>

[faith224]

Thanks for responding to my post. Latly he has been trying to do better and he treats me really good, but I am just like how long is this going to last. I have already gave him 2 chances. It is like this three strikes and you are out. If he messes up one more time I am through with him. I deseerve so much better. To a degree he is trustworthy, but I am still learning him and his ways. I refuse to be with someone who I cannot trust. Yes I do think that the two of us can make things better. I know that he wants it to work. I do too. His attitude does change when he has been drinking. The thing is that when he is upset or mad at me he sais things tht really hurt my feelings. I mean really mean things and after what is said I am so ready to break up with him and then I ask myself why do I stay with him after he has said the things that he has said. The truth between two people really come out when your mad at one another. Right?? I feel the same way you do. If he keeps doing the same thing after I have talked to him I will break up with him, but latley he has been trying to not make the same mistakes. As long as I see him trying I think the relationship will work, but if not then I am just going to have to sdet my feelings aside and break up with him. I am 21 years old and the guy is 24 years old. I have the reat of my life ahead of me and I don't have time for bull crap. I have too many goals for myself that I need to achieve and I don't need time wasted. happiness is what I want and I am not going to stay if I am not happy. Right now I am content with our relationship, but I think the big problem now is the money situation. I am tired of him asking me for money. I don't really have any money. I shouldn't be with a man who is asking me for money all the time right? I mean we have only been involved now for one month. By the way thanks for the advice. I hope to hear from you soon.

[curlyq]

Glad to hear he has been treating you better. I, too, hope it will last. When people are mad they don't always say what they really think but sometimes things that hurt instead. I don't know why. It pushes the hurt person away from them that's for sure. He may regret what he says later, as you indicated. I would tell him something like when he gets mad he needs to slow down and even walk away instead if he is going to say something hurtful. He may have witnessed abuse of this kind or was abused that way himself. If he cannot seem to stop talking to you abusively, he needs to get some help to stop. Assertiveness training can help him to express feelings and ideas to you instead of mean things. If he gets really angry a lot he may also need anger management techniques. If he has an interest in changing, that's a positive step. If I meet a guy who displays lots of anger and says cruel things to me, I have to protect myself as I come before him. You sound like you have a good grip on the situation with standing up to him and telling him not to treat you wrongly. Another thing I might do when someone talks to me abusively is to leave that environment for awhile. If it continues more and more I stay away. I know there are others (I'm still looking for a good guy!) who will treat me well like I deserve. I hope he keeps treating you right like you deserve.

<font color=red>HAPPY</font color=red> <font color=green>HOLIDAYS!</font color=green>

[amandaheelen]

sounds to em like he knows he found himself a sugar mama. Sorry girl, but if it were me I would have been out the door long ago.