[sally_j]

When I met my boyfriend then now my (husband) we had no problems as far as commnication and relationship wise i finally got into a healty relationship where he respected me, cared for me, showed me he really did love me. And that's what i wanted a healty relationship. Before all this happened I had a history of depression in my past. I remember being taken to a pscyhologist by my mom and being put on medication I remember to this degree and I think I was 17 or 18 or younger then that. I had boyfriends before that were really bad influence in my life and got rid of them. As I remember I once had a close relationship with my parents especially my mom. I had gotten out of a 4 year relationship which I dont want to talk about that problem. I know I didnt do a right thing jumpin from one to another without even healing from it. I was at an age where I wanted to get on with my , i had finished college, and was just working and that's all and have a life and have a family of my own. I wanted to wait for at least 2 years of my engagment getting to know the guy that I was gonna marry. We were engaged for 1 year I wanted to wait another year until I really healed then get married. But in the persian culture its not like that.. To stay engaged for about 2 to 3 years then get married. When I had gotten married alot of problems arised in my life. 1) having not healed from the past relationship 2) my husband having a full time scheduel from 7 in the morning till 9 at night and constantly arguing and fighting back and fourth on not being the wife i was suppose to be 3) lost total trust in my parents.
4) being vebally attacked by ex-bf , and so much has gone in my life that I cant be able to explain on the things that happened. My life was spinning out of control. And as I remember it. To a point I didnt know how to take control anymore of my life anymore. Here my husband ic comming home late at night having doubts on where he's been what's he been doing and had no one to talk too. I have no real friends at all. I try to turn for support from my family either my mom is concerend for my father that how his business is going and my father under alot of stress from his business I didnt get much as help as i needed or the support and here I am crying for help. I basicaly lost it and tried to committ sucide and landed myself in the hospital then off to the psycatric unit for 2 day's. I experinced mild anixty to panic attack, to sleepless nights and alot more. My husband and mom came to the hospital. My dad was no where in sight when I needed him the most. When I was sent to the Pscyatirc Unit he came as a guest and left like a guest. That pissed me off cuz at one point i was becoming so close to my father that I couldn't be that close to my mother. He didnt bother to come to the hospital cuz his Business was important then his own child. i've sacrficed alot in my life. i lived with my in laws for the past 9 months cuz we couldn't keep up with rent and me not working for the past month i hadn't really helped my husband that much cuz i was barely making money to help him. So we moved in with the in laws for 9 months and my mom had gotten me help as far as seeing a therpist and a pschyologist as well which they prescribed me medication Depression Pills. Ablify and Effexor. I was taking those for about a month or 2. I knew nothing was wrong with me so I stopped taking them and both the therpist and pscyhologist bailed on me due to the fact that I wasn't taking the meidcation the right way. So I tried this on my own and was getting better. My health became at risk. I was disagonsed with being a diabetic and high blood pressure. I was never like this before. was perfectly fine. i know some say the use drinking as too cope with stress with life I use food to cope with stress in life. So many times so many times my mom has begged me to watch myself but I could care less about what she say's. Because at one point I was in good shape. With my mom telling me to watch myself and begging me to get back in shape just made it worser everytime she mentioned it. The more she said it the more it made my relationship further away from my mother. My relationship with my father was on the mend because all he cared about his business and nothing more. I had talked to my mom before about little stuff on her to back off a little cuz they weren't helping at all. Instead of them asking what has been happening in my life and comming to me and actually giving their support they've made things alot worser by teaming up with my husband and trying to find a way for him to divorce me and leave me. And tha'ts none of their business to get in the way of my marriage to be telling me or ordering me on how to handel my marriage. I"ve already had my hands full on my marriage problems. So many times my husband taken me out threatening me that he's gonna file for divorce and leave me if i dont get my act together I didnt need other people to preach me on how to handel my own life. All I ever wanted was to live a happy and a normal life and I cant have that anymore. I've reported to work from 9 in the morning till 4 in the afternoon every freakin single day and try to make the best out of my life and to overcome my problems on my own with some help from my husband but still there still alot left that has left unresolved in my life and from everything that has happened. I dont want to be like this anymore. I"m tierd of all this. I"m tierd from all that's happened. I swear i've would have gone through with the sucide because I"ve got nothing to live for. I lost trust in my family. I ended up in the hospital again for stress in my life again. I swear I dont know how much more I can take. My mom knew I had a history of depression she saw me everytime when I came home I always end up crying when ever I had a fight with my ex boyfriend. She didnt do her part of being the caring mom. Instead of making things better they've made it worser. And that's not help. Everytime I go to sleep I have nightmares of my husband cheating on me. I dont have time for myself anymore. I really dont. The only thing i'm trying to do is repair my marriage right now that's all I care about.

[sally_j]

and lately i have not been myself for a long time. I seem to have these outbursts. I start cusing for no reason when I get aggrivated. I made my husband embarrassed at my families house. Even he dont understand what's going on anymore. I seem to cry alot these day's. I dont know what's wrong with me anymore

[Doh2007]

It sounds like you are depressed. I'd get with a psychiatrist and follow his instructions to the letter.

[Gosten]

I have to agree with the above suggestion. You've lost confidence in your ability to help yourself and thus the ability to simply cure yourself by force of will. You've also lost confidence in every single member of your social support structure.

Your best bet is to find a councelor/psychistrist/therapist that you feel you can trust and then do so. A sympathetic person to listen to your fears and offer advice with no alterior motives. I know many churches offer free marriage counceling, which could be a good place to start. Personalized professional therapy can be expensive and you're not well off financially, but you can find friends and relatives willing to foot the bill if they believe it'll help. Even among people you're not close to you will always be supprised how willing people are to care for someone who really needs their help.