I confronted my mother for being negative my whole life

My mom always said, you will never amount to anything...you will get fired....you will not succeed...so when I was accepted at nursing school i told my dad and brother and left her out of it..she said did you think they wouldnt tell me i said you make it hard to tell you, mom. she said dont you remember failing out of home health aide 2 years ago...i said ever since then ive kept both my jobs and got promoted at both and im brimming with confidence and im a new person...home health aide is by yourself i want to work on a team...she said she had to hear the why's she needed to know why it would be different. i said how do you feel about ruining your own duaghters life..she said why do you bring up the past...i said YOU just brought up the past now im bringing up the past! she said im surprised your father wasnt negative i used to go to her before my father..i said we've all matured..and hes proven himself the more mature parent..she got up and left...

(((((((((((((( Junerain )))))))))))))))))

You go girl! You can do anything you put your mind to.


sabby

Junerain

Geesh, she forgot to add "and you'll die one day." Sounds like she doesn't/didn't want you to "outshine" her.

You've got the reins now, and you've already proven yourself. You have the power to maintain your course. Her words can't possibly have the impact they had when you were younger. Focus on nurturing yourself and facing your challenges head on. When things get tough, it's possible you'll hear her words in your ear. Just remember those are HER words, not yours. Use her words to give you strength (stubborn drive) to get you through whatever hurdle you are facing in life.

You'll be able to look back at all your accomplishments and giggle. It's kinda fun to watch moms like that "eat crow." What's REALLY weird is when you get to the point when you say "Thanks Mom, for having no faith in me."

Congratulations on your acceptance to nursing school.

Good for you!

Wish I could've done that before my mom passed. Not so sure I didn't but can't remember....

Good for you! I can't even imagine growing up with that negativity.

It's probably her style, to keep from being disappointed, just assume one can't succeed then when one fails, it's not so bad. I look for problems (some think of it as negative) so I'll be prepared. But I don't think I'll fail or anything. I can see how assuming failure so one doesn't have to try in the first place (she's afraid) would work.

Good for you using your anger at her negativity to work to succeed at what you want.

Being alive for 45 yrs now, I too confronted my mother about the way she treated me like a human punching bag.........all in the last 2 months calling her on the phone yabbering about my entire life since I was 5-45 yrs of age......and did she realize how this affected me and still does to this date. She kind of shrugs it off as if it never happened. That pains me. IN A BIG WAY. Trying to be the perfect kid - that turned out to be defective........in their minds......and not understanding mental illness. All black and white to many. They just say things like: "pull up your boot straps and pull yourself together" like it's that simple. If there was a miracle cure I would have cured myself 25 yrs ago. Ugh. I have kept my distance in the past month. As we tend to disagree on many things. Her views are very different from my views and recollection of mother/daughter relationship. I hear you all. I can relate. FULLY ! Yes, all of this makes me anxious.

May I add to what I just wrote-------I then made certain that I would SUCCEED in everything I did to prove them wrong about me. Was very successful at the insurance industry, made lots of money, nice cars etc. Still my mother found fault in everything I did. She use to make me practice writing for hours till I my hand hurt as I was to have the same penmanship that she learned. In fact today I can write exactly like her and my father to boot. uh hu

I think it's a very brave thing you did there,Junerain.You were honest with your mum.Often that's hard to do and hard to hear but never wrong.I hope your mum reflects on what you've said and respects you for it.

Junerain, Good for you for having the courage to acknowledge this to your mom.
I too have struggled with the abuse I experienced all my life from my mother, but I also knew she could never have tolerated hearing anything about it from me. I'm age 57, and I actually took care of her during her last months recently. There was never a questioin in my mind of being able to say, "Mom, your abuse toward me caused me a lot of problems." I was hit every day of my life growing up, not even knowing why. I often thought as a child how unusual it would be to not be hit for a day. I was never allowed to express myself, and grew up with a massive inferiority complex. My response to this has been to work extra hard to succeed, all the while striving also for approval and acceptance. I have realized this in my recent years, though I'm still working hard.
I've had to deal with this in my own way, rather than confronting her. She herself was an abused child, and emotionally incapable of self-examination or personal accountablily. I treated her lovingly during her last days. Interesting too, that my sister, the younger of the two of us, showed more resentment, though she never experienced any of the abuse I did, or the beatings.
Each of us has to deal with this in our own way, I guess. You are a brave girl, and you can do anything you choose to do and succeed.!
Love
Patty

I DO hear her words in my ear.......a bit less perhaps now that I confronted her, though.......I forgot to add.....at the end she admitted to being 'impatient..' and she grudgingly said yeah fine I believe in you too in mad way....... but she said........I hope you feel that I love you.....should i feel that love or no? what love exactly am I supposed to feel? The only thing we have in common is gossipping....what love did our relationship ever share

Yes, Junerain,
I too have heard my mother's voice in my head, especially when trying to succeed at something. Interesting that since her death, and treating her lovingly during her illness, the voice is not so negative now. I sense that her passing enabled her spirit to transcend the failures of her character and parenting skills.
Good that your mother told you she loves you, even in her own way.
Love
Patty

Wow, after reading that.... you r mom sounds a little like my mom.........


hmmm...

MrsLovett