[Catriana]

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...=721000&Forum=,All_Forums&Words=&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Main=721000&Search=true&where=&Name=43602&daterange=&newerval=&newertype=&olderval=&oldertype=&bodyprev=#Post721000 This post is the backstory of my previous relationship. It's kinda long though.

I came to terms with the fact that my marriage of 3 years (legally 4) had been one of emotional abuse. Had I been a smarter person, I would have seen it while we were dating (He had done some pretty %#@&#! things to me even then) and never had married him. Well, that's just the way things go.

In any case, during said marriage, I had stopped being sexually active with him (which had angered and frustrated him). The reason being was because my ex-husband touched me ONLY when he wanted sex. He would never want to hold my hand or hug me or kiss me unless he wanted sex, and even then it wasn't intimate, it was just him feeling up on me. On top of that...let's just say that I didn't feel too much during the entire thing and it always ended quickly.

Sex became boring and shameful to me. I felt like a cheap ***** after a while, only being touched when he wanted sex, and being left alone and ignored when he didn't want it.

I started taking Zoloft, broke up with my ex-husband (who had been wanting to separate for a while but I was trying to work things out), started dating my current fiance and it was like a light switch went off.

I became very sexually active with him. It was wonderful. I felt like an entirely new person.

Then, I stopped taking my zoloft. I had increased my dosage to 2 pills and started having bad side effects (twitching, stuttering, shaking, ect).

Well, when I stopped taking my Zoloft I also starting having bad mood swings. It was a hard adjustment for me because of the things I went through with my ex, but Glenn was supportive of me...even though I had gone through so much.

But also when I stopped taking my Zoloft, my desire to have sex diminished. Glenn would touch me intimately and it would feel as if 'he' were touching me. Immediately I'd be turned off. Of course, Glenn is WAY more affectionate and loving and caring. We snuggle, cuddle, and we hug and all that good stuff all the time.

Glenn is much more patient with me about not wanting to have sex. He says that he'll wait as long as he has to...but I feel horrible. Even though I'm taking my Zoloft again...I still don't desire sex. When I do, I HAVE to be the one to initiate it, otherwise I'll immediately get turned off.

What should I do? Sex is an important part of any relationship. I don't like the fact that it takes me a month before I feel ready to take that step. I don't like the fact that I don't desire sex either. I just don't. I don't even understand why...I guess because in my previous marriage I just saw no benefit to it. Only the man was pleasured, and it was just boring and ultimately disappointing.

Is there something wrong with me? It's not even having sex with another person...I don't even have the desire to...well you know. That thing.

Also...there is also the thing were...well I guess the best way to explain it is while I love my fiance and I want to be only with him...it would be easier for me if he was a woman. Does that make sense? I've never been with a woman before, but I'd feel more comfortable being intimate with a woman than with a man. I feel like there's something seriously wrong with me here.

[CedarS]

Nothing wrong with you at all. What I mean is, you aren't weird or unusual or bad at all. I know from experience some of what you are describing for myself, and I know others go through it too.

Some ideas:

Tell your med person about the side effects you've gone through and tell them about your sex drive. Also can you talk with a therapist about what you are going through?

I had to work, and am still working, on taking my own sexuality back. Figuring out what works for me, what I want to enjoy.

What if you have your fiance do what works for you, even if it doesn't involve that thing you're not all that into right now?

Also works for me to think about what is sensual in my life, doesn't have to necessarily be outright sexual. Maybe soaking in a hot tub with my sweetheart. Sharing massages. Finding lots of ways to express love for each other.

Good luck in your journey, I think you'll do fine.

[Perna]

I think you have a lot of issues from your ex and are just carrying them forward. I'd go see a counselor/therapist and see if I could sort myself out some, explore what you want.

You can't go "back" to who you were before but you can get current with who you are now so you can help yourself and your finance know what to do for you and him.

[chaotic13]

Catriana,

I can relate to a lot of what you described in your marriage. Maybe I need to try some Zoloft. Actually I think my H could really use the Zoloft.

Are you sure the high sex drive was related to the Zoloft? It has been a long time since I dated, but I also recall a pattern where sex was great in the beginning of the relationship and then as the relationship progressed I became less interested. For me I think it is a trust/intimacy issue. I feel like crap for writing it but the best sex I can remember came in situations where there were no strings attached.

[seeker1950]

You do have a lot going on right now. And, speaking from experience, and having taken antidepressant meds for many years....they DO play havoc on the sex drive. Speak to your doctor about this. Maybe another medication would help.
patty