What is love?

Lately, I've been having problems at the mention of "Love", the assumed as well as the true meanings of it, the lack thereof not only from my husband towards me (or what I assume is a lack) and what my kids feel or don't feel, act or don't act in displaying love, affection and family loyalty.

The reason I've decided to post about it is because it's really causing me a problem. There are so many meanings to love and probably more wrong ideas of what love is.

Below, is what the Bible says love is. That's the only reference I have to what healthy love really is. However, I find some discrepancies in it. (Woe unto me! )

My heart has been broken for some time over my family situation. We're all very distant from each other. My husband came home from a trip to Canada on Saturday and brought some pictures home; one of them is of a son from a former marriage, but I raised the boy from age 3 to 18, when he graduated from high school. At that time, he moved from CA to OR and seldom remembers the family he grew up with, one of them being my youngest son. My youngest is 25 with a wife and a family. He's gone through a lot of rough times in his young life and has matured beyond his years, but... yesterday, when he saw a pic of his big brother with his family, he broke down and cried like a baby. A couple of things I'm sure of as far as his feelings go toward his brother. He feels abandoned and he's disappointed in the man his brother didn't grow up to be.

My oldest son also disappoints terribly in the "family" department. Seems the only "family" he has any consideration for is his wife and kids. He has failed to show to my youngest son's kids birthday parties, but look out if you don't go to one if HIS kid's parties!

I grew up in a matriarcal family. It was the women that kept the family together, including my grandmother, such as she was. I don't know if this dynamic is what's causing me problems because I don't act like the past generation, or if truly, the responsibility falls on me.

Anyway! This is getting long but I wanted to give some reference points. What my question of the moment is "What do YOU think love is? Do you agree with the interpretion found in the Bible (regardless of religious affiliation or faith.)" Any and all input will be appreciated.

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious,(Webster: 1-the act or an instance of boasting:- BRAG. 2-a cause for pride) does not display itself haughtily.

It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude and does not act unbecomingly. Love does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].

(((((Morn)))) So sorry you're going through so much.

I agree with that definition as a whole. The other things listed in that definition actually define other emotions so....as far as the love being patient and kind. I believe that. Sometimes people just are selfish and too self-centered to realize that they're not being kind to the ones that love them most. I've found that sometimes I have to throw a big major screaming fit to let my brothers and sisters (who are like my children) know that I feel like I'm being taken for granted. Things change for awhile and everything is great. Sometimes I think no one cares, but when one of us needs something there's always another standing right there beside them and that's really how I know someone loves me. Someone is by my side through the good and the bad. None of this fair-weather friend nonsense.

Ok now I'm rambling.

(((Morn))) another hug..you're going through so much.

Take Care of you.
Kimberly

Hi September Morn -- I come from a family with some similar dysfunctions. There was a time when I thought I didn't know how to love; I attached myself to women who seemed to emanate it, and they gently pointed out things I did for them and others that were "loving."

I've done a lot of reading on the topic, especially from the New Thought movement (which infuence Emerson, Science of Mind and Unity thinkers).

And others. Here's what I've come to believe: I believe that love is a divine force (or energy) for spiritual good in the universe. Or all creation. It is like a light that is too subtle to be apprehended by our 5 senses -- but we often feel love with our intuitive "sixth sense." The verses you quote seem to describe (to me) how love may manifest. But of course, there is the famous scene of Jesus overturning the money-changers' tables in the temple. Just as a parent may be angry with a child who is loved if the child does something dangerous -- play with matches, learn to unlock the patio doors that lead to the pool, drive drunk, etc. Anger may not always be the most effective way to demonstrate that the concern comes from love -- especially if it's a repeated offense. Perhaps the anger is a kind of perversion of the love energy; I'm just not a philosophic enough thinker to take it any further than this.

So that my $.02.

I think it may be true about God's 'meaning' of love, but it doesn't have anything to do with what PEOPLE do or feel.

Awww... you're not rambling! You were expressing how you have experienced love. I'd like to hear more since some of the dynamics at play in your family seem to be missing in mine.

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The verses you quote seem to describe (to me) how love may manifest.

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Exactly! I like the way you put that. The verses are a manifestation of love.

Got a question, however. In regards to

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there is the famous scene of Jesus overturning the money-changers' tables in the temple.

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How do you feel about "righteous anger"? If you think Jesus could have handled that situation better, how?

I hope that everyone reading this thread understands that it's not a discussion about religion or religious beliefs. It's about the feeling of Love and it's many manifestations.

Could you explain yourself a bit more clearly?

{{{{{{{{Tomi}}}}}}}}}}

How to describe love is very hard for me. In my entire life, it has always had strings to it. Which to me, means it never was love.

I can tell you what it feels like for me with Alex. When I look at him, I get this overwhelming warmth of emotion. The joy I feel knowing that he is mine, a part of me. I want to protect him from harm, and give him all the affection and love I have inside of me.

In a relationship, I would think it would be a sense of two parts as one - incomplete without the other. To feel safe and secure with one another, to know the peace and contentment of simply being with each other. Trust, honesty, open communication..........giving of yourself emotionally to the other.

A sense of rightness in being with the other person, wanting to share everything no matter how small or large.

Geez I sound like a romantic novel......lol.

All I know right now is that I don't know what love is. Some times I do. When I look at my husband, after 30 yrs, I still get butterflies even if he doesn't deserve it! I wish I could stop feeling that way! He was just very rude and hateful to me and I told him I was tired of having to walk on eggshells so that I didn't upset him but he can treat me anyway he wants. It's over! I told him he was welcome to leave and go back to Canada if being home was such a pain in the *** for him! He said he was, but went to bed instead. He may be waiting for tomorrow and in the meantime, I have to hurt by myself, know that I'm not getting any kind of apology or acknowledgement that he did wrong, I have to face the doctor tomorrow with whatever his prognosis is by myself and who knows what HE's gonna do! I know I don't need his kind of treatment!

OH HELL!!! WHAT'S THE USE!?!?!?

Good morning, September Morn. I am very, very concerned about that last statement, that you are going to hurt yourself. I wasn't online after early evening last night; I wasn't refusing to answer, or anything like that.

Re: Righteous anger. I have a religious mentor, a dear woman in her 80s, who completely practices the positive thinking philosophy of New Thought. She rarely gets angry with anyone, even in the most exasperating situations with "customer service" representatives, who recite from scripts that are designed to provide exactly service or assistance for the caller. She sensible, firm, and completely stands within her own self-respect and dignity. Here's an anecdotal conversation that for me, really sums up, her sense of self-worth.

Rev. B, her husband, and she had run a little storefront church for some years in S. Florida. Eventually, they retired, her husband died, and she was living alone in their home. A small church about an hour-and-a-half or more drive away and asked if she would come and do the Sunday service. She was past the age of enjoying long drives and said, No, she was retired now. "Oh, but you have so much to give," the caller gushed. "Yes," my friend said, "I do. And I gave it."

I suspect that sounds snotty in print, but from her, it would have sounded common-sensical and not at all arrogant or pretentious. She knows her worth; she knows where she stands; and she says it.

As for "righteous anger," I think that probably Jesus was able to embody RA, and perhaps some other holy men -- the Dalai Lama, for example. I'm not there yet, and my anger is likely to be self-preserving and self-serving for the most part. I hold as my example my friend, who is able to be honest and set boundaries without hurting others.

It's terrif that you still feel butterflies when you see your mate. That kind of connection is a wonderful thing, especially when it's motivated by love, not lust.

Oh, another definition of love just popped into my mind. Love is standing guard over the other person's weaknesses. Isn't that a love-ly thought?

Please let me know that you are okay, September Morn. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time in your relationship.

I'm not sure right now either ((((((((((((((((((Tomi))))))))))))))))))

I really appreciate the responses from you three ladies. Please don't worry. I'm not suicidal at all. The last time I had that thought was over 30 yrs ago and saw how stupid that was. I've come to realize a whole lot of things since then. I know myself and some of my worth a whole lot better now than I did then. Again, I'm NOT going to hurt myself in any way... except maybe to continue to put myself in the way of my husband's irrational behavior, but not for long. What I meant about "what's the use" is trying to figure out what love is. My kids and their behavior towards each other is the only thing that bothers me now. To expect any possitive thought or action from my husband is just another exercise in futility.

Sis Tomi,
Want me to give your hubby a knuckle sandwich? Sounds like he needs it. I am sorry that he is not being supportive. We are here though.

Jessica

Dear, Dear September:

I love you post so much! That question haunts me and hounds me forever.

As for the Bible bit, to me it sort of describes different types of love, like "love your enemy" or "love you family" and "forgiveness is a manifestation of love as well"...

As for your own family issues, all I can say is ((((((September))))))

And that I believe a lot in family love, but I also enjoy the love of the family whose members I pick myself: friends. Close friends are the family that we choose and I praise that very much as one of love's shapes.

I take it one day at a time :-)

Cheers, baby.

To me; love is the unconditional acceptance of the weaknesses and gifts each of us cary inside of us.

You can experience it through your children when they are little.