[iamtwilight]

I think something's wrong.

He makes music and has gigs. Most of his friends (at least the ones that I know) are in the music scene. The first time I was with him at a rave (which he had organised himself), a few of his friends introduced themselves to me. Then there's this one friend who usually greets me in SOME way. But most of the time we see his friends he doesn't introduce me even if I've never seen them before.

I've tried to take part in conversation, but I was ignored.

Now I've grown to hate raves because I know that if there are some of his friends, I'm completely ignored.

Maybe his friends think I'm taking up all his time? Maybe I should let him be just with his friends? I'd be okay with that. We only see on weekends, but if he wanted to see his friends I would be totally fine with that. I don't think I have to be EVERYWHERE with him. I don't want to be like that. I don't want his friends to think I'm clinging onto him.

Seriously I don't like that he drags me everywhere and then I get ignored. He doesn't ignore me all the time, just when he's with his friends.

Is there some polite way of saying this or bringing this up? Or some solutions I could bring up? If I said "I don't think your friends like me" he would say it's bull crap or that I don't have to care about what they think.

I just think it's really strange when you have to go spend the night over at someone's who doesn't say a word to you and doesn't say anything when you thank for being able to spend the night over there...

I'm sorry if I sound stupid. My T once told me that I don't really know what "normal" is because my mother taught me that I deserved the abuse that was done to me. So I'm kinda on the border here... I have a feeling but then again parts of me are defending him. because I love him. He's wonderful and I don't want our relationship to end to this, this is nothing. I just don't know how I could bring it up.

Any comments/opinions/advice is valued. Thanks.

[Doh2007]

Some of us have a harder time relating to a group and do better one-on-one. Maybe your boyfriend assumes you know how to jump into the group. There's nothing abnormal about feeling uncomfortable in a crowd.

[iamtwilight]

Good point Doh.

I didn't really think about it, though now I counted that in 3 hours I have formed 4 different opinions about this matter.

Hehe.

Thanks for your input though.

[Perna]

How old are his friends? I think common response has to be taught too; they may just look at you because you are odd in their experience for thanking them or trying to talk to them; maybe they're use to girlfriends that are just eye candy or shy or don't speak? Conversation, which can feel and seem obvious to us isn't necessarily to other people, especially sometimes young guys?

We have a 19 year old next door neighbor guy that helps us old folk and he's perfectly nice, well educated (going to school to become an engineer or architect) but won't "talk", even when you ask him a question he'll not respond but just look at you, LOL. Over time it has gotten a little easier to sometimes get him conversing but my husband still hasn't gotten the knack and will ask me, "Did you get Tri to say anything?" Some people are just like that, not experienced or skilled in conversation (yet).

[iamtwilight]

Perna, I don't think they're much older than me. The guy who always says hi to me is about a year older. The others are about the same age as my boyfriend, 22 or so.

maybe they're use to girlfriends that are just eye candy or shy or don't speak?

I was thinking of that too. Actually it was my first theory. I just find it kinda odd, I feel like I'm a parasite or something. In the past I've always been introduced to "the friends" heh.

-sigh- but why do I feel so bad if it's ok to be like that?

[Junerain]

I see this as a red flag, a sign of a break up to perhaps come....it is soooo important to include your girlfriend with your friends, I don't know how he truly feels about you.......

[bonaire]

Kids are strange... Us older folks never understand them :-) Of course, same thing for us when we were kids, right?

You guys are 20 or so in age? That's a tough time in terms of trying to find your personality. Lots of times, social skills are not great. You mentioned you go to raves and he doesn't do a good job of socializing you. In some ways, raves (I think) are somewhere to "escape". What about non-rave situations in which you have just people around? How does that go? I'd say you have a lot to look forward to in life. Enjoy what you have but it's not the end-all definition of your life. If you need more - ask for it from him. If he can't deliver, you need to make your own decisions of how you will want your life to go. Just my opionion, but you really need to almost develop a "business plan" for your life - what you want, when you want to get it and how you'll go about getting it. If he isn't meeting your needs - you need to treat yourself right and keep on looking. You may look for a number of years but you will find love, great social situations and happiness. It may not be from what you have now - who knows.

Remember - 6.6+ billion people on this planet. The world is huge - much bigger than your neighborhood.