[buckyuck1]

So my ex and i broke up about 2 to 3 months ago. Well about a month ago right after she left for the summer she said that she wanted to try and get back together or at least see what it would be like when she gets back. Well about a week into her being gone and meeting a bunch of new people communication between us has pretty much stopped. It went from i still want you to i don't know anymore and maybe she only felt that way because she was lonely.

Now I'm fairly certain that she likes another guy and has found somebody that she has feelings for and that is why she doesn't have these feelings for me anymore. This would explain why she thought she wanted me but then having these feelings for another guy showed her that maybe she just wants something. She won't tell me if she does like somebody even though i have asked. I know we aren't together but i still think that it would be something that she would tell me. I mean if she changes from wanting me to not and it's because of a guy i would like to know so i don't still put hope into something that is gone.

Now the fact that she has pretty much stopped talking to me and i have these feelings that she does want somebody else...i can say that she is over me.

I know that time is the best healer for everything but i was just wondering what some other people have done to try and get over an ex? I'm not sure if going out and trying to find something new is the best because i don't know if i would give this new person all my attention. I mean i know of one girl who does want to at least hang out with me and have fun...i think just going out with other people would help get over things.

Just sucks knowing that somebody you still feel for is over you.

[Rose3]

maybe spend time with someone else - just to be friends, to have some fun
and later think through to ask yourself why you would continue to feel for an ex
it'll pass with time

[sabby]

bucky, I know exactly what you are going through right now. I've just recently gone through the same issue. It was really hard for a number of weeks for me. It took time for me to come to the final conclusion that no matter what my ex said was the reason for the breakup, it didn't feel right.....but really, it didn't matter anymore. Why would I want to continue pining for a man who obviously doesn't want to be with me for whatever reason???

It hurts....there is no doubt about it. The best healer is time. Sounds like an old cliche, but it's so true. During that time you will come to terms with her decision. During that time you will go through the whole gambit of emotions...from love to hurt to anger etc. It's a grieving process...you are grieving the loss of your ex and what you thought you both could have had together. It's hard to let go of those dreams.

I hope you know that no matter what her reason truly is, that you deserve to find the right woman for you. She is not the one. Like my ex was not the right man for me. No matter how much I love him, he has his reasons for splitting up....so be it. I believe that things happen for a reason. I like to believe that the reason for me is that there is someone out there more worthy of my love and companionship. Maybe that person is only me....maybe it's a man who has the same convictions and interest as I have....the world is our oyster and we can keep digging for the perfect pearl


sabby

[AAAAA]

As you said, time is the only thing that will truly help you move on. In the mean time, keep yourself busy. Try not to dwell on it. Easier said than done I know.

[xtine]

we have the same situation. i still feel bad about my failed relationship & thinking that he has somebody new in his life really makes me cry, feel miserable, and helpless. i still love my ex & i was wondering how easily he had recovered. but life must go on, i still hope for that the best things will come. i always pray that i will overcome this feeling coz it's really killing me softly. i hope yo'll overcome what you're going through right now. i understand how you feel coz we share the same experience.

[bonaire]

It sounds like you're a young (ahem) buck. I went though a lot of this back in college 20+ years ago. I had a wonderful girlfriend - but when she was in her senior year in highschool (I was in college at the time) - she wanted to make Sr. year great and we just sort of split up. She found someone else local to her (I was 60 miles away). Eventually, she went to college near where I was but she was still with the other guy. In some ways, I was hurt by all of it - but we moved on. In the end, 20 years later, I can still feel the hurt when I think of it, but know that my family situation now with two great kids and a wonderful wife has me in a good place.

We never lose our memories, but we can regain our selves. Just consider that you have an opportunity to explore the world, meet new people and enjoy your life with a certain freedom (with the costs of the pain). You said: "Just sucks knowing that somebody you still feel for is over you. " You know, she probably isn't over you - but rather has fond memories of you but also living her life without too many regrets. Of course, in every situation where a split happens - one party hurts "more" (subjectively) than the other. Spend time with friends and doing your favorite hobbies. The pain will ease eventually. Maybe even see a family doctor or therapist to talk it over. Treatments EMDR helped me relieve some of the pain of my early breakups that I thought were "over with" but were really held deep inside me.

Time heals - but it just doesn't forget. Enjoy your memories, just don't get addicted to them.

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((Buckyuck1))))))))))))
I'm so sorry you are struggling. Just wanted to let you know that people care.

[seeker1950]

Buckyuck1, really good insights and advice here from our members.
I, too, have been there, like the other posters. I hate to repeat the cliche, but, yes, time is the best healer. At times I wished there was a "pill" that would make it all go away and I'd be over it immediately.
I"m 4 years since my last attempt at a relationship, the one that brought me here. In that time, despite the hurt I was feeling, I picked myself up and got my M.A. (from scratch), working very hard for the degree. At first I was a walking zombie, but as each year passed, I found myself more and more interested in my surroundings, my projects, and attaining my degree. I've just finished this, and I'm proud I didn't just wallow in the pain.
I don't think it's a good idea to plunge into another relationship quickly, which is what many people do. I went to dinner with one man who sat and cried over his "surf and turf" about his lost girlfriend! Lliterally, cried, LOL!
I say do good things for yourself! Be with friends, travel, and find things that interest you.
Love
Patty

[buckyuck1]

Thank you guys for all of your advice. I know time is going to be what's best.

The worst thing is that i really don't have any friends where i live and most of my friends are about 6 hours away so i don't get to be with them a lot. So i really don't have many people to do anything with so it makes it hard to move on. Especially when i live in the same apartment that was ours, with the same furniture that needs to be split up when she gets back, and the pets that we got together. So it's hard when i'm at home...which is a lot...to not think about her.

You are all right...time will be the best thing and it wouldn't be a good thing to get into a relationship right now...i'm just gonna try and find some people to hang out and have fun with.

[wanttoheal]

That sounds like a good idea buckyuck. Please keep us posted how you are doing.

[buckyuck1]

Well i went out tonight....went to dinner with somebody and then met up with some of her friends and went bowling. I had a lot of fun. It was nice to have a good time again. Just hanging out with people. Especially since i didn't know any of them it felt good to just meet random people like i used to when i was in school.

That's another thing...i will have tons of things to keep me busy in 2 months when i go back to school. I'll be going to school to get my MBA and working pretty much full time trying to pay my bills so i won't have time to think about anything. But that's in 2 months...so i just have to get through these 2 months. I know that's not a long time...but it seems like it right now.

Thank you all for your help again.

[wanttoheal]

That's great buckyuck1! I'm glad you were able to get out and have some fun.

[sabby]

Way to go buck for getting out and about! Sounds like a fun time and I hope there will be more to come very soon!


sabby

[Jazz91]

when i broke up with a guy that i had been with for a year and a half he got with another girl that night i was furious i was in love with him and i think it would have been alot easier if i hadnt found out i ended up breaking up their relationship and have hated myself since so what you are doing is the right thing go out make new friends dont think about judgement u r who u r and 1 day u will find someone who loves you and treats you right and hey if u and her were meant to be it will happen you just have to wait and see

live life happy its the only life you have