I Need Help

I am a female in my mid-thirties, involved with a male in his late 40s. We have been friends for about 6-7 years before starting to date (almost 1 year). I am not sure where the relationship is going, but, am confused because he does not seem to be attracted to me. There has been no intimacy - hand holding (3x), kissing (1-2x) other than innocently, let alone any more intimate contact. I have talked with him twice about this - to see if there is something else going on, or if he doesn't want to continue the relationship. He has indicated he is developing feelings of attraction for me. I feel lost and I am hurt. Please help.

It sounds more like he is uncertain that he wants to be more than friends. Maybe you should think about why you started to date and move away from being friends. It can be hard being friends with the opposite sex sometimes the harry met Sally syndrome comes in and you both move into a relationship that is perhaps not right for you.

I mrean ok he could have hang ups about physical contact I will agree about that but to me it sounds like he is not certain about this relationship if he is still developing feelings of affection, after a year you should be further on than this.

Maybe this relationship is just not right and you should have stayed as friends.

Let's see if I am reading this correctly, you were friends for years, have been dating a year with casual physical contact and you have talked about this twice.?

Obviously you are both slow moving, hesistant ppl... should I say give it more time, or do you want me to say, do some more talking about this!? Does he talk about it, or avoid it, or just doesn't seem like it's a high priority?

Welcome to our forums, btw.

Welcome to the forums, ConfusedGurl.

There are so many factors that enter into this. Some religions do not allow much physicality before marriage, and you haven't said whether this is true for both of you. That might explain some of the slow development.

Are you working together? That also presents ramifications.

Is, he, perhaps married or otherwise occupied in another, more sexual relationship? Would he be able to keep that a secret from you for so long? Possibly. We trust those we care about, so we are often more surprised by a deception than disinterested parties observing from the outside of the relationship.

Is it possible that he is in denial about gayness? This, too, can stem from cultural factors. Religion. Family. Our cultural prejudices. The prejudices of small-town life.

It seems like it might be time to move on. Perhaps the very act of moving on will motivate your BF to examine his feelings and decide that he doesn't want to live without you.