My temptation to cheat

I'm 37 and totally love my wife. She is awesome in every way and I couldn't imagine not growing old with her. Unfortunately, I'm full of lust for other women. I feel like I'm just a small step away from having a sexual tryst. Not an affair with a relationship - just a one time romp in the hay like back in college.

I don't know what to do to curb my lustful cravings. I am usually good about not masturbating and thinking lustfully about coworkers, but I'm a fairly attractive man and I have women flirt with me frequently. It's hard not to think of having recreational romance with them. Currently, I'm on a two week business trip throughout Europe, I'm so charmed by the women over here. My wife is great but the women in Paris, Amsterdam, Helsinki...

Any advice is really appreciated.

Hi Immature37 and welcome to PC...

"Ah,,what harm can it do?..Just a quick romp with a beautifull, sexy stranger..."

Since you have taken the time to ask this question while giving us a view of your wonderfull wife,,,means you love and appreciate her,,,and have a conscience.

Your moral fabric will be torn by a tryst and the shame that will work on you like rust upon the pail will steal moments from your marriage and may very well take from you what you value most...

A conscience is our human barometer,,it tells us when a potential path will have costs,,sometimes dire...

My advice would be to stay busy,,find things to do,,visit places,,,purchase little gifts for your wife at every stop...anticipate with hunger that moment when you will see your wife again,,,,and think about how wonderfull you will feel in making the decision to look upon your vows to this great woman with the respect they and she deserve...

Have fun....

IMHO.

Lenny

It certainly sounds like you love your wife. If you start cheating, you won't stop. Imagine what it will do to her emotionally and your life as you know it. What kind of man do you wish to be? Are you willing to give it all up for moments of pleasure with someone else? Don't think for a second that you'll get away with it, she may already suspect your thoughts.
Try to think of ways to spice up your love life with your wife. Come up with ideas and share them with her, for now and something very exciting once you get back.
When other woman flirt, start talking about your lovely wife, that will take care of that.
When you're attracted to someone else... divert your thoughts back to your wife and remove yourself from the area.

Do what's right and you'll never feel guilty or bad.

Hi,
Welcome to PC. I don't think there is a man alive that hasn't had the same thoughts as you at least once. It all comes down to how you act on it. I am a believer that flirting is harmless as long as it doesn't get physical. I would tell you to transmute that lust onto your wife.

How would you feel if she cheated on you while you were away?
Trust is a big factor and you will violate that trust if she ever found out. You could justify it by saying you are overseas and no one will ever know, but you will know and you never know how it may come back to haunt you. I speak out of experience. Are you ready for the consequences a temporary sexual moment may cause?

Just because you can have a one time sexual fling doesn't mean you should. Just knowing that you could have another woman and you don't should make you feel much stronger morally.

In short, I wouldn't do it. Do you know how many men that woman has had sex with? What if you bring home a unwelcome present to your wife in the form of an STD. How do you explain that? Don't do it, your marriage isn't worth a one night fling.

Have a great time and think about your wonderful wife.

Hello immature37, welcome to PC.

I can’t put it any better than 50guy but I’d like to give you a woman’s perspective. Sure a fling would be fun, and I’m sure that your wife has had or will have these thoughts at some point in your marriage. Surely you know that you’re not the only one that finds your wife attractive. There is someone out there right now looking at your wife, thinking the same thing about her that you are thinking about these other women.

What stops any of us is that relationships are very fragile things, you make a trade a lifetime together for momentary thrill. Once you break that trust for mere lust, it will be very difficult if not impossible to get back. She will find out, they always do.

As concerned mentioned once you scratch that itch, you’ll do it again. Things will get in a rut at home and suddenly that “fling” is better than what you have at home, because it’s make believe, not reality. No responsibilities, no mortgage, no arguments about whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher or take the kids to soccer.

50guy mentioned diseases (and since you are only slightly younger than myself I find it hard to believe that you would have risked your health and had those kinds of flings in college with the information of diseases out there) but what about fathering a child out there? From personal experience no form of birth control is 100%. Condoms break and I have 15 year old twins to (and hubby has more scars) prove that vasectomies done in the late 80s early 90s were not always permanent (and yes he did the lab work after surgery and had a zero count at that time).

Could you look your wife in the eye knowing that you’ve disrespected her in this way? How would you feel if someone treated your daughter in this manner? Your mother? Do your marriage vows really mean that little to you?

Just imagine your wife leaving you.

My husband has cheated (albeit only via the computer and phone), and let me tell you, the pain he inflicted cut me to my very soul. You quickly realize how trust is the thing which holds a relationship together, because as soon as the trust is taken away, the relationship falls apart. In my situation, my husband went looking for fantasy to escape the presssures, stress and frustration of every day life, and to run away from issues in his past that he was incapable of dealing with. He is just now realizing that his actions were just the symptoms of a bunch of whole other issues, and is working very hard to fix what is "broken" within himself.

My advice to you is to look at what you think is missing in your own life. Your attraction to other women, and your temptation to cheat may be signs of something else, like depression or anxiety. And most likely it has nothing to do with your relationship with your wife at all, but everything to do with how you feel about yourself.

I wish you luck in with your internal struggle.