[KissFL110]

I am starting to wonder if I am the one who is insane. My boyfriend and I have been dating since January of '07. Everything seemed alright for the first few months, but then I started seeing some 'off' behavior. For example, I noticed that he judged people (usually friends) way too harshly in my opinion, but I let it go. His ethics and morals were pretty much interchangeable, and he usually didn't have a set opinion on ANYTHING. For example, if we were discussing something or exchanging ideas, even if he had given an opinion on the topic already, he MAY say the exact opposite of his original opinion. This was usually an opposing opinion to mine (which I don't mind at all. I just want him to tell the truth). This started to get to me after a while, because there wasn't really anything that he said that I could depend on. We had a few issues at the beginning of the relationship because he wanted to "live in the moment", and I just wanted to know what he wanted out of the relationship. This went on for months. We broke up in June last year, because I had found out that he had written an email to an ex of his, for the most part professing his undying love for her (she lives 3 states away). When I confronted him about this, he made up excuses and claimed that he was "depressed". Although he does have a history of bouts of depression and suicide attempts, I am not so sure that I can believe that this is what caused him to write the email.

So, yes, we break up, and immediately, I felt horrible. I felt like I had done something wrong. However, I got over those feelings after a few weeks. I knew that he was in contact with ANOTHER one of his exes during the time that we were broken up. I also knew that she rejected him because when they dated, they were going through a similar situation that he and I are now. She said that she cannot trust him, and did not want him back. He comes and weasels his way back in the beginning of August. He promises the sun, moon and stars. But a few weeks down the line, it's the same damned thing again. Our relationship since then has been a constant push and pull game. He'll start to distance himself, and when I give him space, he'll think that I'm upset at him. His constant lies about contact with the ex he sent the email to has driven me into a horrible depression. I've been on the brink of wanting to kill myself time and time again. I feel like I can't believe anything he says, and wonder if he has the ability to feel. I feel like I have met the Devil himself. I know that I cannot stay in a relationship that is destroying me like this, but I feel insane for loving him. I feel insane for wanting to know the truth. I feel insane for having the urge to snoop on him when I KNOW for a fact that he is lying to me. It's maddening. What the hell is wrong with him? What the hell is wrong with me??

[Rose3]

Why do people lie?
Because it gets them what they want - so they've learned to keep telling lies.
And you want to know the truth. Do you think that he'll tell the truth?
You've been hoping for things to work out okay.
Will the liars change? (not if people keep falling for their lies)
I have met who do this - they tell lies to manipulate people.

[KissFL110]

I've come to terms with the fact that he's going to keep lying. I suppose I needed a reality check. I've walked away feeling like I'm absolutely batsh*t crazy. I just think it's a little sick that even at the expense of another's mental and emotional well being, he cannot tell the truth. But I've also come to the conclusion that he never, doesn't, and never will give a crap about me. It's just crushing to know that someone could be like that.

[Rose3]

Unfortunately there are many people who have a pattern of telling lies, and when you find this out - then look after yourself, because they are not going to care about you.
I know people like this, I can see it happen. I don't understand it.
But, once they get to know you, then they know what to lie about, they know what you will believe, they know how you will react (and they learn about others too).
Will they change? Don't count on it.
And consider yourself lucky that you have found out now before things are worse.

[KissFL110]

Thanks. I've decided that enough was truly enough after this last breakup, when I actually started planning out how I was going to kill myself. It's been a real eye opener. I know I must have some issues of my own if I let things get to this point, but I'm ready to deal with them alone.

[Rose3]

Yes, keep your eyes open.
And there's no need for you to take things out on yourself (there's no need for you to kill yourself).
Please take care of yourself, and be kind to yourself.

[KissFL110]

Thanks I know what ya mean. I am definitely not going through with those thoughts. I'm still feeling a little empty, but this too shall pass.

[Rose3]

That sense of emptiness will pass with time - so allow yourself
to realize it, and then to fill it in ways that are happier for you.
I remember when I was younger and had to tell a trouble-making
young male that I was breaking up with him and that I didn't want him to come around to my house any more. I was very clear.
Then I focused on my schoolwork.
Then later - on career.
You can build a much better life for yourself.

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((((KissFL110)))))))))))))
Sounds like you are getting a lot of awareness! It also sounds pretty hard, but will be a good thing in the long run. I agree that he will probably never change. I think you deserve someone you can trust. I think I sound like a broken record because I always think therapy first, but do you have a therapist or something you can work on yourself with? Therapy has helped me so much that it's always the first thing I think of.

I'm glad you are going to keep yourself safe. You are worth so much! We're glad you're here.