[Merril]

There is this man I really like at work, and want to get to know him better. We seem to bump into each other throughout the day in the hallways, cafeteria etc. He smiles and stares at me all the time, but will not say hello. I think he is shy, or possibly afraid of rejection. How do I give nhim the confidence indirectly that I am okay to approach?

Try saying hi to him followed by a smile, you should both be able to take it from there.

[bebop]

I agree. speak to him. us women alot of times tend to wait for a man to say the first word or make the first move. Just say hello to him.

[mcelkins]

I can understand that because you work with him you would want to be indirect, but there are a lot of ways to be direct with him but keep from walking that "sexual harrassment" line.

You can ask him if he'd like to go with you to the coffee pot and get some coffee...

Maybe he'd like to sit next to you in the break room...

Maybe he'd like to go with you to get some water from the water cooler...

Would he like to go with you to the soda machine?

As you can see there are small ways that you can draw in his company without crossing any lines.

If he's interested in you, by making these gestures, it tells him it's ok to move forward and maybe ask if you'd like to grab lunch at the local restraunt...

Anyway, you'd know!

[whiteNight]

asking him if he wants to meet up sometime after work

meeting not at work gets u away from any legal stuff then take it from there

I'm a shy guy who works with a girl that I would really like to get to know better. We see each other in the hall or elevator and we smile and make good long eye contact, but neither of us has said more than "Hello" to each other.

Part of the problem is that I am shy. Not afraid, but guarded. If she started talking to me, I'd talk all day with her. It's just getting started. Another part of the problem is working for the same company. What if something goes wrong and you still have to see them. With normal breakups you might be able to avoid them, but at work you wouldn't as much. So, I'm also guarded about starting something with a co-worker.

If you can get past those issues, I'd suggest talking to him about what he does. Assuming you don't work WITH each other, asking him about what he does helps get a conversation started and if nothing else helps you learn a little more about what the company does or if you do work together might also help you learn more for your own job.

Once you have a conversational relationship, you might ask him to lunch or for coffee or whatever, so you can talk more about work. Then slowly work personal information and questions into the mix.

I think because we're shy and probably don't have a lot of relationships of any kind with women, we tend to put them on a pedestal and then we never feel we can measure up. Showing interest in us will help bring us out of our shell. Take it slowly, but go ahead and make the first move. We'll really appreciate it.

Good luck, to both of you!

[Lenny]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Xando said:
we tend to put them on a pedestal and then we never feel we can measure up.

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Wonderfull post Xando....perfect advise...

And I so agree with your pedestal comment...this often comes from triangulation in early childhood,,when a child is given emotional roles far beyond him/her..that the gender he or she supported becomes more than human...to be almost awed....

We never quite measure up to the roles we were expected to perform and live in a "less than" emotional trap...

The cure over time is equality via self esteme built through appropraite validation and self accomplishment...

Thank you for the wonderful contribution...

Lenny

[Timgt5]

Lots of good advice, suprisingly enough once you reach the conversational stage, your subconcious will do some of the work for you, here are a few indicators, that a woman is interested in a man...

while in conversation,

Reapeated touches own hair

Touches the man, ususally very delicately and frequently , on the arm, shoulder etc

When seated, faces the man directly throughout the conversation. If the woman sits at an angle during the convo, she is looking to leave and has lost interest.

Repeated leg crossing.

another thing, ask him a lot of questions about his life, nothing too personal, but about say his hobbies, his friends, what he does at the company, men like to feel important and at the center of attention