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Old Jul 14, 2008, 01:16 AM
youOme youOme is offline
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Location: Some place beyond myself, West Virginia
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Basically what had been going on before in my relationships has taken a whole other turn towards hell. My husband and I finally declared that we are no longer together. We decided to separate, but not civilly. He wants the children, and of course I do too. We will be in court fighting for the custody of our children soon. I'm planning on moving out next month when I receive my student grants.

I've been having an extramarital affair on my husband for the last month. The man I had a one night stand with, (friends husband) is separated from my friend, his wife. We have been meeting up occasionally to be intimate. Daily, I fear the cat will come out of the bag and I will lose a friend and my husband will use it against me in court in the future. I guess I made my bed and now I have to lay it in. Although the risks involved, I crave him...I want him all the time. Not necessarily because of the sex, but because of the intimacy besides sex.

I despise my home and the environment my children and I have to face here. It's ghetto.


All I want to do is run away from here and never speak to my friends, husband, or lover ever again and start a new. It's not possible though, I will have to suffer because of my actions. I feel like an horrible person Relationships gone crazy

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  #2  
Old Jul 14, 2008, 03:06 AM
Anonymous29402
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I am sorry things have turned out this way for you.
  #3  
Old Jul 14, 2008, 05:32 AM
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AAAAA AAAAA is offline
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Are you not able to break your relationship off with the other man? I'm sorry that it's a tough time for you right now, but I think (based on previous posts) that you and hubby calling it quits is the best thing you can do for yourself and your children. I do not think adultery qualifies you as an unfit parent in the eyes of the court.
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  #4  
Old Jul 14, 2008, 05:33 AM
Anonymous29402
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Can I ask your husbands reasons for going for custody ?
  #5  
Old Jul 14, 2008, 05:34 AM
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Tish, things are different here in the states. Fathers can seek for full custody, but usually it ends up being joint 50/50 unless a parent is found unfit by the court.
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  #6  
Old Jul 14, 2008, 05:37 AM
Anonymous29402
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Ahhhhh, over here in the UK its assumed mother has custody or at least mum and dad sort it out themselves unless there is a disagreement then it goes to court but you normaly have a reason.
  #7  
Old Jul 14, 2008, 05:39 AM
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Yes, it can get quite complicated, one week at dads, one week at moms. Even split weeks as in the case of my cousin, he has them Sunday - Wednesday afternoon mom has them Wed evening til Sat night Sun morning.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
  #8  
Old Jul 14, 2008, 05:43 AM
Anonymous29402
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Isnt that confusing for the children ? The way i have heard of joint custody over here is one gets them weekends one gets during the week or one school time the other school holidays.
  #9  
Old Jul 14, 2008, 05:47 AM
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It can be, but in America they've been trying to give the father's that want custody of the kids their equal share. They do have a right to their children. The joint thing isn't really hard until they enter school, then it can get very difficult because the parent that moved out of the district will be required to transport child to school. But they no longer assume that the mother is the most fit parent. Unless proven otherwise, both are concidered equal until one is proven otherwise, and there can be some mud slinging going on there.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
  #10  
Old Jul 14, 2008, 02:30 PM
youOme youOme is offline
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We both want full custody of our children. I have offered him more civilized solutions, like taking care of them half and half and he could see them as much as he wanted, but they would live with me. I offered this to him many times and he argues i. When it all comes down to it and we both do appear in court all I will have to tell them is he has a severe alcohol problem. I am not as fearful as he should be.

It'll be very hard to completely break my relationship off with my friend though. He gives me things I need, especially through these difficult times with my husband. We've agreed that our relationship would not prosper into more then it is, but there is apart of me that wants him all the time. He is a married man and so am I....it's not easy. He's also in the middle of a ugly custody battle over his child and going through separation and divorce.....we need each other.
  #11  
Old Jul 15, 2008, 04:03 PM
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I hope everything turns out the way you want it to.
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  #12  
Old Jul 15, 2008, 07:01 PM
50guy 50guy is offline
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youOme;
Do you have solid proof of his alcoholism? Did he go through a rehab? Does he have any domestic violence caused by drinking? A DUI or anything on public record of his alcoholism? If not it is your word against his and even if you have character witnesses from friends, a Judge won't even consider it. If I were you and you don't have concrete proof for your claim of alcoholism I would be careful about bringing it up. Character assasination is frowned on in custody cases. It used to work, but not anymore and the courts are leaning heavily toward Father rights. Use caution if you don't have the goods on him because Judge's have been known to award custody to the one that is being accused without proof.

Good luck,
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