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#1
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Not really sure where to start this off, but let's give it a go. I'm not having a problem, just curious. And sorry, I may give an excess of information, but just want to give the whole story.
I've been dating a girl for about a year now. Everything is great, except that I'm living in Japan and she is back at home. We talk twice a day, and I would say that the distance has not really put any stress (other than not being with eachother) on our relationship. I saw her over the winter holidays, and will see her this summer when I go home, and will be back home for good in August 2008. Back to business - she was diagnosed several years ago as having schizoaffective bipolar-(I think) disorder, before I really knew her. She had some episodes (2 maybe) either during or right after high school (she is 20 now, I'm 24). I've known her family for several years. Her aunt is a psychologist at our university and her mom works for a small mental health group. She is very open with me about her condition and history. She was put in the psych ward at a local hospital for about 2 weeks following one of her episodes. Around this time she and her mom were on bad terms, and she was living with her grandmother. Now, for the past, about, 2 or 3 years, she gets along just fine with her mom. She has taken a few different medications, but has been taking Seroquel since we've been together. She takes 200mg at night to help her sleep, otherwise she doesn't feel rested in the morning. She has never exhibited any strange behaviors around me, except after having too much rum one night, and handles other things much better than me, which I won't go into unless anyone feels it important to do so. Another situation I helped her through was the death of a very close cousin. She seemed to handle it as anyone else would. She wasn't depressive, nor did she act like nothing had happened. She was sad, cried, talked about it with me and her family, and came through it well. I guess all this is leading up to this - what do you guys think? I plan to stay with her through whatever, but in my opinion she seems fine. I know there is a problem somewhere, or has been, but for someone with that disorder, is it normal to go a year, perhaps longer, without exhibiting serious symptoms. If so, would this suggest a good prognosis? Guess I'm just digging for any ideas or comments. Thanks, and sorry so long. |
#2
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I think it's like many other medical conditions and so I'd ask you what is the prognosis for "asthma," "diabetes," or even "heart disease" where the person is taking the meds they're prescribed and eating right, working hard to live a healthy life? Can't know what might happen down the road, only what seems to be working now. Bipolar can have physical components that don't "cure" so it's not like she'll be able to stop paying attention to her health and say to heck with the meds or doctor checkups. I'd say, "what you see is what you get" just like for anyone else :-)
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#3
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I understand that, but, how about this. If you have a person that had a few serious episodes in their late teens, received help and support, is taking meds, may still have a few symptoms, but not that adversely affect their life, would it be common for her (has it been common for people in similar situations) to go the rest of her without having any more, for lack of a better word, episodes? I know each case is different, but, in general, research shows, statics say...
Thanks for your responses. |
#4
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Hi,
I do understand your concerns. I'd love to give you a guarantee, but there is no such thing in life. Maybe she'll need med adjustments someday. Maybe she'll have another rough time someday. Can you guarantee that you are going to stay healthy for the rest of your life? Of course not. Would you expect her not to want to be with you if you became ill? Of course not. Enjoy the good times, work through the bad times. That's life and it sounds like you've got a pretty good one going. I applaud your friend for being upfront and honest with you about her previous illness. It's sounds like you've got a keeper to me. I wish you well, January
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I still dream and I still hope, therefore I can take what comes today. Jan is in Lothlorien reading 'neath a mallorn tree. My avatar and signature were created for my use only and may not be copied or used by anyone else. |
#5
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With schizoaffective disorder, one episode in a lifetime is enough to have a person diagnosed. The same goes for bipolar; one major episode of mania in a lifetime is enough.
It could be the medication is working. If everything is going fine, don't worry about it too much. |
#6
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I appreciate everyone's responses. And yeah, she's serious about taking her meds. She can't stand going to bed without it because she feels crappy in the morning, sometime nausea and headaches, but I imagine that could just be withdrawal. She wants to eventually get off of it, but that will be sometime down the road I'm sure, and of course after talking to her doctor.
Oh yeah, bassplayer, my girlfriend plays bass too, well, dabbles in it a little bit. The reason I got curious was because my sister and her husband are friends with this couple who have been married for several years, and she (the friend) has a history of schizophrenia. Now, I'm not worried about this from my girlfriend (just got me curious about this type of disorder), but he woke up to his wife beating and cutting him for 'no reason'. He got her calmed down and went back to sleep and it happened again. Then that morning or the next she came at him with a shovel, and he got it from her, and then got an axe and busted out the windows in their $50k truck and around the house. They tried to get her into a facility, but for some reason they wouldn't accept her, so they were going the next day to a hospital for an evaluation. She got it in her head that he was cheating on her, so she made an account for him on matchmaker.com, and then accused him of doing it. All of this stuff she does when she's kinda blacked out, but still remembers doing it. All I can say is I feel terribly sorry for both of them. But, like I said, I don't expect this from my girlfriend (and hope it doesn't ever turn into that), just wanted to ask some questions and get whatever comments or ideas that I could concerning these types of disorders. Thanks again. |
#7
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What you describe is certainly erratic and frightening behavior, but personally, I would want to know much more information before drawing any absolute conclusions from it.
Some people do cheat on their partners and when this fact is discovered, they will go to great lengths to distance themselves from their own shame and responsibility, typically, by blaming their partner. Often, criticism is made of the sexual relationship (i.e., you don't meet my needs) but if the partner has previously received a diagnosis of "mental illness" that can be used as a convenient scapegoat. The individual involved in the adulterous affair can claim that their partner is "crazy". They didn't create that web profile -- their partner did! They didn't meet with that woman -- their partner is insanely jealous! I recall hearing of one man whose wife walked into their home to discover him in their bed with another woman -- he tried to convince her she was suffering from "delusions" and needed to be medicated. A great many injustices and brutalities unfold on a daily basis in this world, some of them between husbands and wives. But the vast majority of individuals involved in those acts have never received a diagnosis of bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia. I suggest you base your expectations of your relationship on your relationship. If it has been stable, equitable, respectful, loving... that's probably a very good indication that it's likely to continue in that vein.
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