[Nblbmxgrl2]

I have been dating this guy for almost 2years now, but we have major trust issues. He lies to me about the stupidest stuff like he'll say hes at home when hes not or he'll lie about what time he gets off work or he'll say he doesnt text other girls but then when i see his phone he is. He says he does lie some times because he thinks im going to get mad. And i hate to say it but i get really jealous when it comes to him and i dont know why. We have been on and off the last 3monts like taking breaks. We both truly love each other but i dont know what to do to trust him and have this relationship be like it used to be.

[bebop]

hon what is there to trust about him? you said yourself he lies to you about many things. I would not trust my man if he did all that to me. I would be asking my man what the heck he is hiding. I don't want to sound unsupportive but hon you should think about that stuff.

[Rose3]

what can you trust him about?
He already said that he lies. That is who he is. Open your eyes.

[concerned4stepkids]

I would calmly sit down with him.. express how much you love him. Then follow with how the lying and hiding isn't a healthy relationship, it is causing you to feel uncertain and jealous, which isn't good for the relationship either. Tell him that he needs to decide right now and forever who he is gong to be as no woman would be ok with his current actions. That you love him, but if he is not willing to work on himself and your relationship together, then he needs to move on. To continue this way it is isn't fair to you and you deserve to be treated better. Give him one chance and be very clear. Tell him, you hope he is willing to do what ever it takes. After that, it's all up to him. If he messes up.. move on.

Trust at this point is hard and will take time. Depending on what he says after talking to him... if he is willing to work on it, take a deep breath anytime you feel jealous and instead see if he is trying. He may have to tie up loose ends with other girls... allow him to or they'll be contacting him.

Open and honest relationship ( if he feels the need to hide anything, then he knows it's not right)
communication (he may be feeling insecure about something, what?)
devotion (Only you, what ever it takes)
love (will grow stronger if you can get past this)
effort (You can't control his effort, only your own)
trust (as much as you can, it will rebuild as you see him try)

[AAAAA]

Ok, complex issue here. My husband lies about stupid stuff just so I don’t get mad, worried or to avoid an argument. Examples: the lawn mower blade needs to be replaced so before I can mow the lawn. Work called, I have to go back in, but I’ll call if I’m too tired to drive home. My back is much better now (required surgery). My blood sugar is 180 (actually 300). My doctor is on vacation so I can’t get an appointment. The store was out of …. (in a rural area, can be believable sometimes).

So I completely understand about the lies to avoid an argument, they are frustrating and some days I’d like to wring his neck. I’ve tried to explain a million times that if he was just honest and up front, the arguments would be much less. I’m going to find out the truth, so why add anger to the mix when you don’t have to?

But on the other hand, my husband and I have been married 22 years, and if tomorrow I walked into a bedroom and found him naked with another woman, I know that there would be a perfectly logical explanation. I have absolutely no question in my mind about his fidelity and love.

It took many years but the lies to avoid argument have disappeared. Things like the lawn mower blade or the store he’ll now actually say he doesn’t feel like mowing the lawn right now or he forgot to get X at the store. He still won’t call if he’s too tired to drive home, or lie about his blood sugar or how much pain he’s really in.

Talk to him, let him know how much this bothers you,and how it's affecting your relationship. Let him know that you need to know what's going on.

(((((((((((((AAAAA)))))))))))))))))

i hear you hon, my hubby also avoids telling me stuff 'in order not to worry you' then when a letter comes thru the door involving bailiffs he thinks i wont have a panic attack? He leaves things right until the last minute too .... gas threatening to cut us off right now i'm past caring to be honest .... take care, huggies, Jin xoxoxoxoxo sorry this isn't helping, just don't know what to say, just wanted you to know you're not on your own ....

[Nblbmxgrl2]

Thanks everyone, now i have a new problem the other day i seen his phone and there was 31 missed calls from this grl and 30 placed calls to her, i freaked out but he claims there just friends and they just talk about life...but idk weather to believe it or not....?

[silver_tear]

Be careful. 30 calls aren't a few calls, i can understand talking about life like ''hey long time no speak, what have you been up to?'' but i dont think that would take 30 calls.

So be careful, i think you should talk to him, maybe suggest that you may be breaking up with him because of this just to see hsi reaction. If he plays cool and doesn't blink an eye, than probably you can break up with him for real, because probably he's interested in this other girl.

[Wants2Fly]

I agree: Be careful. 30 calls aren't a few calls, i can understand talking about life like ''hey long time no speak, what have you been up to?'' but i dont think that would take 30 calls.

Be careful about pretending to want to break up. That can be manipualtive, and it can backfire. What if he says, "Yes."

Some people create untenable situations hoping that the other person will be the first to cry Uncle.

[AAAAA]

Communication and trust are necessities in a relationship. What I would communicate to your boyfriend right now is that you’re not an idiot and 30 missed calls does not sound at all like a casual friendship. Tell him flat out that you want to know what’s going on, that you’re trying to build a relationship built on trust but this behavior doesn’t help. If it doesn’t make sense, then it’s probably not true.

[silver_tear]

If he says Yes just like that, i believe he was eagerly waiting for her to ask him that. At the end she would have done herself a favor by breaking up with him if that is the case, someone who truly loves a person wouldn't accept a break up immediately. Especially when he knows that its his fault.

[nightbird]

the last time i saw 17 calls in one day to a woman on my phone bill, i knew. this was an affair. was i going to take another one. another slap in the face from someone who would desert his family if the grass looked greener .... no, i said 'good-bye' and being the dumper, btw, is much better than being dumped by such a schmuck.

if you don't beliee he is just hanging out 30 clls a day with a gal for friendship, while you are probably alone, i'd ask her to explain too.

yup, today, you can ask everyone what the hell is going on. if you need that much input.

fact is, he is not trustworthy, i rest my case. do you want it to get worse witha family dependent?

i think not.

dump him before you have to suffer even mre.

i appreciate AAAAA's side of the story, and she is right aboutmen in relationships who have to grow up, but this is out-n-out another girl, not you, and lies. this is betrayal. you are his friend first, every girl comes after you, not before, and not hidden.

comfort,
night