[letgo]

I've been with this man for 30+ yrs. At firt he was very good to me. He was there when I was pregnant and whenever I had to go to the hospital. He has saved my life on 2 occasions. Since we've been married he has beaten me with his fists, a bat, hammers and a loaded gun.

You may ask why do I stay. I have left him 30+ times and he always suffers some illness. Now, he has cancer and I'm afraid to leave. I should be afraid to stay and I am but I'm more afraid to leave. I think no job is worth the abuse. He has kicked me called me every name he can think of and threathened my family. Fortunately, we have no children. I've had to stay home because he wouldn't let me go to work. I feel like a failure for accepting the abuse. He says I shouldn't have hit him, true. I hit him 33 yrs ago and since we've been married I've been abused so many times. Nothing I do is right. He must pay me back for not talking to him or as he says b.s.ing him. I've been to shelters and he knows all the shelters in this state. He knows where my family lives and he has family that will be glad to kill me or my family.

Most of the time, my life is so bad that I just want to end it but then I think, if I can just survive until he dies, I'll be ok. He hates everyone and everything every where. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Perna]

Hi, letgo, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

What does your family say about your life? I would borrow money and get as far away as I could from the man and stay there; nevermind that he is sick; that's his problem this time. You cannot live like you are. Move away and make sure you don't ask after him, how he is or isn't doing. If he has family they can take care of him if they want; you don't want to because he isn't/hasn't treated you well. You owe him nothing!

[StarPonysMama]

I second Perna

You owe him nothing and his sickness this time is HIS problem. Not yours.

Not to say this is a good idea but it's a thought. I had a friend (actually a friend of my moms) whose husband beat her. She was not allowed to work so she bought the cheapest groceries she could buy and stashed the money in the cracks of the cupboards.

Pocket change from his pants, money laying around, change on the floor, anything.....scrape it up, stash it. AT LEAST if you make a run for it......you tried.

I cant even imagine what you go through on a daily basis. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[StarPonysMama]

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letgo said:
He has saved my life on 2 occasions. Since we've been married he has beaten me with his fists, a bat, hammers and a loaded gun.


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Any question that the "life saving" episodes could have been planned to make you feel connected/obligated to him? Just a question. I had a very controlling boyfriend that was physically abusive at one time. He had a way of doing nice things for me or setting up a disaster to rescue me when I didn't want him to. Just a thought.

[50guy]

Hi and welcome to PC.
Your life is in danger from this man and you stay? Why?
If he is sick, now is the perfect time to make an escape.
Drop this man like a bad habit and get on with living.

Not all and a real man wouldn't ever treat his wife or lover in this manner.

Get out now.

[CedarS]

Get away. You can have a new life.

Talk with the police, talk with domestic violence support people. If the local shelters don't work for you somehow, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Tell them all your concerns.

I fully agree with what everyone else has written so far. Get away. Make a safety plan, save up what $ you can. Call in all the help available.

Let everyone else take care of themselves. You don't owe him anything, cancer or not. Anyone he and his family could threaten, they all have the ability to ask for police and other help.

You come first. You deserve safety.

[Wants2Fly]

You must get out, my dear, as others say here, and as I am sure you have heard from those at shelters. I will pray that you find the inner strength to take care of yourself. Best wishes.