Guy trouble

So there is this guy whom I used to work with. And for a couple years he had feelings for me but I was with someone. Now, Im single and we talked for a few months and then went on a couple dates. I like him, he's a great guy. Well he lives 6 hours away (we both go to different schools) and I only really see him when I go home for holidays etc... and even then its not certain we'll see each other.

Well I told him that since I just got out of a long relationship that was very serious Im not ready for a serious relationship, especially one thats long distance. He says he's okay with it and insists that he doesn't want anyone ele etc... So he's kind of waiting on me I guess.

Well I told him that I want to date around etc... So I meet this guy in one of my classes and we hung out a couple times and he asked me on a date. So we went and I had an awesome time. Weve gone out a couple other times and hang out quite a bit now. We haven't had the "boyfriend girlfriend" talk yet so as of now we're just dating.

So I'm not sure how to go about telling the first guy about this. I know if I do he'll be crushed. But I don't want him to be sitting around thinking Im basically holding out for him. But at the same time I don't want to bring it up and hurt him about something that might never go further than just dating.

I don't know whether I should tell him or not. I know I should I just don't know how to go about it. Im going home this coming weekend and I think he might go home because he knows Ill be in town. And I don't want him to come in town thinking that we will be going on dates etc... while Im seeing this guy.

Ugh.... so basically I don't know if I should tell him.

If you don't want to date more than one person at a time & you are dating this new person at school even if you aren't boyfriend/girlfriend, I would tell your friend in your hometown just that. That you just met a person at school & have just started dating him & that you don't feel right dating more than one person at a time. If asked, you can tell your friend that your feelings for him just weren't there for the makings of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but that you like him as a friend.

I had a friend in college that I enjoyed doing things with, but knew would never turn into a serious relationship. I think he thought it might......but then I met the guy that I ended up marring & told my friend that I wasn't feeling ok with dating more than one person at that point but that I would love to stay friends. We actually stayed good friends for over 30 years. He went through a marriage /divorce, another marriage & a son & we stayed good friends all the time. He helped with all 3 moves we made & would house sit my cats while we went on vacation every year. Right after his son was born, he had an anurism burst in his head & was hospitalized in serious condition for a long time. I helped clean their condo & take care of getting them moved into the condo while his new wife was able to stay with him in the hospital. His wife stuck with him through all the rough times & through all the personality issues that were the reasons why I never would have married him. He died of cancer just 6 months before my Mother died of cancer & I helped her through that difficult time also. When my Mother was dying of cancer just a few months later, she was there for me also. It is amazing how relationships that someone wishes would turn into more can actually stay good friendships long into life.

But it's important to be honest up front....not hurtful.....just honest about where the relationship is & how you feel about dating more than one person at a time when you think you might end up having deeper feelings for the person you just met & are dating.

It's really not the serious problem you think it is.....just an issue of open communication.

Take care,
Debbie

Thanks eskie. That helps a lot. I know its not as big as Im making it. Thats why I wanted to tell someone and get it out cause I knew I would feel better about the situation.

Thanks again

I know exactly how you feel....I always feel better bouncing something off others so that I have other ways of looking at a situation......glad it helped.

Who knows....you migh end up with a good friend out of it.....sometimes friends can be more wonderful than serious relationships that go nowhere.

Debbie

well i told him and he seemed a little upset about it. but then yeserday he told me that he has a date on friday and that hes done "waiting" for me but it wasnt hateful. i understand why he would be and, honestly, i thought it felt a little awkward between us the few times we went out. so we talked quite a bit and we mutally decided that were better as friends and that its not worth possibly losing our friendship because of non-returned feelings. so everything worked out

thanks again for your help.