[aisyna]

I'm hoping to get some advice or suggestions.

I'm 25 in a committed relationship with a 36-year-old man. We are going on five months. Everything is good, but I'm not feeling like I used to in the relationship. Whenever we make plans for the future, I feel anxious. This is my first serious adult relationshp, and I feel inexperienced.

My father dislikes my boyfriend, but recently became more open to him. I recently created an online personal ad to help me see what else is out there and to make sure I have made the right choice with my boyfriend. A friend of his saw my online ad and showed it to him and he flipped out, saying he didn't understand, and reactionally ended the relationship. We are still talking and plan on talking about this soon--either to stay together or split.

I don't feel the same when we started dating, and I'm not sure if it's my inexperience or what. I can't really say what it is. I feel like I need to meet more guys to make sure I've made the right choice even though everything is good with us.

I'm lost and I'm not sure what to do. Should I stay in my good relationship even though it doesn't feel right or should I start dating other guys (and I don't really like dating).

[SpottedOwl]

Hi Aisyna!

Originally Posted by aisyna

I'm lost and I'm not sure what to do. Should I stay in my good relationship even though it doesn't feel right or should I start dating other guys (and I don't really like dating).

How can the relationship be good if it doesn't feel right?

I've had a relationship with a man 10 yrs my senior, and I'm not against the principle of it. What I learned was the age is not so important, but the stage of life is important.

You and your partner need to have compatible stages of life. If he is wanting to settle down, and you are wanting to expand and explore, it will be a source of conflict.

The 20s are all about exploring life, figuring out who you are and what you want. If you boyfriend is supportive of that -- great! You can explore life, and come back to the stability of the relationship. If your boyfriend is not supportive of that, I would reconsider how strong the relationship really is.

You are one half of the relationship, one *equal* part. Just because you feel 'inexperienced' does not mean that your opinions and feelings are any less important than his.

HTH

[aisyna]

Hi SpottedOwl,

Thanks for the comments.

Are you suggesting we have an open relationship or an on-again, off-again relationship? Aren't those big no-nos and tend to create all kinds of problems? I'm just not sure about how one has a relationship without commitment and faithfulness.

How do I go about regaining his trust now after my posting the personal ad? Neither of us are sure about what to do here or how to go about it.

Still confused!

[SpottedOwl]

((aisyna))

I don't mean to have an open relationship. I meant it on more of a philosophical level -- ideally your boyfriend would be supportive of you exploring *why* you feel the way you do.

Think about why you posted the personal ad. Think about what feels different in the relationship. Maybe journal about it or talk to a trusted friend.

You are doing the best you can to figure this out, if you can be honest with your boyfriend, I hope he would understand and forgive you. We all make mistakes, but taking responsiblity and being as honest as possible with our loved ones can repair those wounds.

Try to approach this as an opportunity to learn. To learn more about yourself and what you want in this life.