[bunny_007_]

SO this is really personal but I really really am starting to get worried. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now with a 5 month old baby. Recently (the past month) he has not wanted anything to do with me. He used to come home from work and give my hugs and kisses and he would be intimate with me on a normal basis. Things have changed. When I told him that I would like to him to notice me and be intimate (sexually) with me, he said that he cannot because he's so tired after work and all he thinks about is going to sleep. But he said he would try. Well, his "trying" is him giving me a hug after work, only because i want him to. THen thats all. He goes to bed with a book at around 630pm. and he turns his back to me when he goes to sleep. this happens every night i am home. on the nights i have to work, he tells me he stays up until 9pm and he always masturbates. everytime i am gone. this really really irritates me because when he tells me that he doesnt ever think about sex and only wants to go to sleep, yet when i am gone, he finds time to do it himself and stays up later. i have not done anything wrong. i try everyday to make him happy and i do not understand what is going on. i do not tell him what to do or when to be home, all i ask of him is to be a boyfriend, not just a roommate, which is how it seems anymore. yet he calls me demanding because of that. am i out of line here? i would like to think im not. please anyone talk to me. i am hurting bad because i love him so much. i dont know what to do.

[Lenny]

Hi bunny and welcome..

Sorry for what you are experiencing...

A question...How is he with your child?

With care,

Lenny

[bunny_007_]

Well at first, he was really shy and didnt really want anything to do with her but now I can tell that he loves her and when he comes home from work he wants to hold her and play with her. He just doesnt do very well with her when she starts cying and he cant get her to stop. Of course, I get a little frustrated as well. but he doesnt continue trying to get her to stop crying, he just passes her on to me.

[salukigirl]

I sounds like one of the classic cases of cheating from the description of how he's changed. Has he upped his grooming or started getting new clothes or cologne without you mentioning anything of it?

Also, it could go the other way. A lot of times, when people are cheating theyre the total opposite. It gives them a bigger labido and makes them happier because of this new person so instead of being stand off-ish and irritated they have more energy etc...

Also, is he super protective of things like his cell phone? If he's doing something he doesnt want you to know about chances are there will be phone calls or texts to support it so if he flips out when you touch his phone that could be an indication.

Ive found that everyone worries every know and then but theres a difference between that and that feeling in the pit of your stomach where you just know something is up. Ive noticed that my worrying is usually wrong but my feeling in the pit of my stomach has always been right.

And it might not be cheating, he might just be not into it anymore. Maybe the sex has become routine and boring after a year and a half. Have you tried anything to spice it up bit to get him in the mood? This is easier for me then you because my boyfriend and I don't live together but one of his biggest fantasies is his girlfriend coming over to his house in underwear and a bath robe and no one had ever done that for him before. So when I noticed that things started to get a little routine I did it for him and hes been all over me since.

Even the littlest things like canging your hair style or switching up an outfit can make a guy go crazy for you. So my advice to you is to try something like having something set up for him when he gets home... candles y'know etc... and if that doesnt do the trick of spicing it up then you might have a problem.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

I sounds like one of the classic cases of cheating from the description of how he's changed.

I don't know... from my twenty-five years of experience with my husband and how he was after each one of our children was born (we had three) - I would say if he is coming home after work and not staying out all night this is probably just a typical case of daddy getting scared after having a child he is fully responsibly for come into his life... hence why he shy's away from sex (sex makes babies) and sleep is an escape from reality - give him some space and lots of unconditional love then see how he is in a few months.

[katheryn]

yes i agree here with rhapsody, there are lots of other reasons why he might gone of being intimate, could be how quickly his life changed and could be overwhelming him from being a bloke on his own he has a partner and a child to take care of ,

kathy

[bunny_007_]

Thanks for all the advice. It really helps and it does make sense about having a baby and all. I will wait it out and be my normal self towards him (loving and sweet) and I guess if nothing changes, then maybe I will have to worry. Thanks again,
Angel

[theama]

This probably won't help at all, but it's just to show how there can be many reasons for that behavior.

Two years ago, I was engaged and living with a man - we had been together for a year before we moved in together, and we lived together for another year. Six months of that year, I spent trying to figure out how to break up with him. I didn't have sex with him (I'd claim that I was too tired or not in the mood), I'd masturbate on my own in the shower and whenever he was out or in a different room, I didn't show him any affection (avoided any physical contact with him) - and when he would confront me about it I'd say he was smothering me.

The reason was that it was too much too fast; I wasn't prepared at all for what it actually meant to move in with someone.. and we had been together longer than you and your man. I eventually broke up with him, because I was really beginning to feel smothered and restrained; I needed freedom. I told him that I needed "space" and he went to live with his parents for a week, and it was the best week I had had since we moved in together.

My bet is what Rhapsody said; he's freaking out cos of the baby. I mean, having a child after only a year and I half... I couldn't even deal with living with my bf! That would definitely freak me out. Sometimes people get into things without knowing how much it would actually affect their life, and then they freak out and feel smothered and restrained.

Communication is the key, confront him with it, you might have to argue and there might be tears - but at least you'll know, and then you can both work on fixing it.
My ex and I didn't do that; we just went on in silence, ignoring it, and hoping it would get better - so please don't make the same mistake as we did. Not talking about it was what killed us.

And also, I recommend you watch the movie "The last kiss" - it's about how things can turn to **** when everything seemed to be perfect. There's a couple in it that split up because he can't deal with the stress that the baby is adding and how the baby has taken over their lives. It might give you some perspective on what he's thinking; although the mother in the movie is a real pain.

PS. It has a happy ending.

[bunny_007_]

Oh my goodness. That is great advice!! I will definitely get that movie, or at least watch it. That really helps a lot. Thanks so much.

[theama]

Originally Posted by bunny_007_

Oh my goodness. That is great advice!!

Phew! :O
The movie is great. And starring Zach Braff, he's a bit of a hunk imo.

[eirich37]

I know how you must be feeling. My fiance (supposed to be) is the same way. We went through some difficult times over the summer and he actually moved out. When we got back together in September, he has not been interested in sex at all. We've only had sex twice since then. He says he just isn't in the mood and is tired from work. I do know he works long hours but on the other hand, he works four days and is off three, so.......He has told me that sex shouldn't be the biggest part of a relationship.......he will hold me at night sometimes but he has gone so far as to push me away if I kiss him on the neck or reject me completely if I bring up the subject of sex. He says he gave me everything of him before and after we broke up, he found a void in his life and he doesn't know if it will ever disappear....He says he loves me, but it doesn't feel like it much. I personally don't think anything I might try with him would improve things. I have analyzed it to death....tried different approaches, tried understanding he was hurt too when we broke up,,,,tried understanding how this might be going on, but i've also wondered if there is someone else. i just don't know the answer for you or me.

[GeneticlyBipolar1]

Originally Posted by bunny_007_

Thanks for all the advice. It really helps and it does make sense about having a baby and all. I will wait it out and be my normal self towards him (loving and sweet) and I guess if nothing changes, then maybe I will have to worry. Thanks again,
Angel

I am not trying to cause you to panic, I experienced the same from my husband, most of the pregnancy he was stand-offish, and when we had the baby, his usual self returned for all of a month, off &on. And this new stand-offish self returned. I checked the phone, and he was talking to women, I called one woman and she said that he told her he was getting a divorce. Our son is 3 months old. I checked text messages and he had 2 text from a girl. And now I don't know what to do, I love him, and yet even though he tells me that these women are lying or some other story, in my heart, I know that there is some truth to it, I thought there was another, checked the phone for about 1 month preiodically, and discoverd 3 of them. Give a shout for advice, anyhone, on " WHEN IS IT OVER ? "

[GeneticlyBipolar1]

[quote=bunny_007_;870029]Well at first, he was really shy and didnt really want anything to do with her but now I can tell that he loves her and when he comes home from work he wants to hold her and play with her. He just doesnt do very well with her when she starts cying and he cant get her to stop. Of course, I get a little frustrated as well. but he doesnt continue trying to get her to stop crying, he just passes her on to me.[/quote

Plus be careful, cause some men will infact have no where to live and use you for that, but not really even be interested in you, and do just enough to continue living there. Minus the bf part, the reason you want him there