[Kayle]

I have been in a relationship for over 2 years now and everytime I tell my boyfriend that I want him to be romantic, he thinks that romance is only about sex. What can I do in order for him to see that romance is more than sex and that I need more from him in the romance department? When I even bring up the subject he avoids it. I'm lost....

[JohnShaft]

In my past relationships I always liked when my partner would sit me down and explain exactly what she needed and wanted. Words like "romance" can be mean completely different things to people, especially between men and women. When I knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling, without the abstract terms, I think we would communicate much better. It showed me that she trusted and loved me, and was willing to work for our relationship. Plus, I want to make her happy and fulfilled, it makes me feel good too. But that's me, everyone is different.

[Kayle]

There have been times I have tried to tell him what I like but it seems as though he is afraid of romance. He never talks about it and when I start to talk about it he clams up and goes quiet. I have never been in a relationship before where I couldn't get the guy to express how he feels. This one is different, it is so hard to find out his feelings and thoughts. I don't know if I think differently in terms of romance because I am a girl. How can I make sense to him about what romance is without making it sound weird?

[kimmydawn]

kayle,

men are very different from women on that one...well, most of them are. women want intimacy and with alot of men intimacy is synonomous with sex...my t said that. my husband, for instance has a low drive because of the meds he's on and that was that. i had to tell him that sex wasn't an issue with me. however, i still required intimacy and had to explain to him what that meant to me. at 46 he was shocked to learn what i perceived as intimacy. now, he's doing better with meds, etc...and things are better, but things have been GREAT since we've combined the both. they're never too old or young to learn what you, the woman in their life, needs. you must make that clear...whether he clams up or not, he's still has ears to listen.

tell him that your sex life isn't fullfulling. that should perk his ears up. if he still doesn't listen, then you may have a problem on your hands, as he might not change. he may have a problem with intimacy...that emotional closeness that bonds two partners. does he clam up on other forms of closeness or expression? that might be your clue. at that point, you may have to decide if this is something you can live with.

gl and let us know.

kd

[chloepie]

Most men need straightforward answers. The one thing I needed to learn to have healthier relationships is to tell people what I need. If I need to be told I'm beautiful, then I will ask him to tell him I'm beautiful more often. If I need to be cuddled more, then I ask for that. Don't be afraid to ask or tell someone what you want. No one can be a mind reader and men and women are so different that miscommunication happens all the time. Telling someone what you want won't ruin the romance of it, if you don't let it. If you want flowers and he comes home with flowers, don't think, he is only doing that because I asked him to...think, man, he's so sweet, he listened and cared enough to do what I asked! What an amazing guy!

It's a hard transition to make, but if you do it, I promise, you'll be happier. Plus, you know a good guy from a bad guy, because the good guy will always do what he can to give you what you want!