[BiscuitTin]

I often just think and feel that nobody is good enough for me. Sure, if i could get the typical smart+hot chick then yes, she would be adequate, but that's not happening. Anyone else with ridiculously high standards, and how do you learn to overcome them?

Cheers,

Tin.

[creshenda]

do i detect a hint of sarcasm?

[SpottedOwl]

The affect of having ridiculously high standards is not having to connect with people. It provides an element of emotional distance, and relative 'safety'.

What is it about a relationship that worries you?

If you can find out what you fear, then you can face it and risk the connection of a relationship.

[BiscuitTin]

Well, i have social anxiety disorder for one.

But I also worry that people will not approve of the person, it's a reflection on me, and they will think that i am 'settling' which i guess i am.

[salukigirl]

I think that's natural to feel that who you date is a reflection of you. Afterall, if I were dating a total jerk who had no manners etc... people would meet him and then might think "wow, if this is how he acts, I wonder how she acts?" y'know?

But I guess it depends on why you think you're settling. Why do you need a "super hot" chick? Have you ever considered that a person becomes more attractive and sexier to you if you like their personality? Cause I will admit that a few guys Ive dated I wasn't necessarily attracted to them right off the bat. But then after finding things about their personality that I liked, they became more attractive to me. And it really shouldn't matter what other people think about your mate as long as they make you happy.

[skymonk]

What about you? Are you "super hot",intelligent, charming&the best person in the whole world? No? Then why are you expecting someone else to be? There's no such thing as perfection-that's why you're human. If nobody is good enough for you-don't date-sounds like you'd be happier if you were by yourself. Then the only person you'd have to worry about being good enough would be you&you wouldn't hurt anybody but yourself.

[SpottedOwl]

Originally Posted by BiscuitTin

Well, i have social anxiety disorder for one.

But I also worry that people will not approve of the person, it's a reflection on me, and they will think that i am 'settling' which i guess i am.

It can be very scary to open ourselves up in social situations, and it can be exhausting to worry over everything people might be thinking. I've learned that the vast majority of the time, people are thinking about themselves. All those things I worried about in social situations were minor blips on other people's radar.

Bottom line, you deserve to be happy. If you meet someone who makes you happy, who cares what people think?

[Greenleaves]

I agree with skymonk. You better not date if you expect perfection. I feel bad for the people who would date you if you have this attitude about people not being good enough for you even though you have all these problems like social anxiety.

[AAAAA]

Biscuit haven’t you ever met someone that you thought was beautiful then got to know them and realized that they we’re as attractive have you thought they were? It works in the reverse as well.

I met one of the most beautiful women that I’d ever seen in real life. Once I got to know her I realized that she was she was narcissistic, rude, condescending, and not very intelligent. She’d used her looks to get through life. It got to the point that I no longer saw anything but that evil smile she had when she was particularly mean to someone. To date she’s been married 4 times.

On the other hand, I am ashamed to say, I met a man that was the ugliest person that I’d ever seen. His facial features looked like he’d been in some form of an accident and he had the worst skin I’d ever seen. He was kind, thoughtful, funny and intelligent. Once I got to know him I didn’t see those things that seemed so unattractive before. He ended up marrying a beautiful woman and has been married about 20 years.

There’s nothing wrong with having high standards. But when you meet the right person, you are not going to care what other people think. I just hope you give her a chance, some men and women are late bloomers.

Remember also, beauty fades. You cannot build a relationship a meaningful long term relationship on looks.