[vandutch]

First off I dont know how this is going to go, its all new to me and a little scary. I have been in a committed relationship with the same girl for almost 7 years now. We are ( or were) engaged and expecting to be married in May 2010. But this last Wednesday night she found some emails in my account from dating sites and personals adds I had sent out. They were in my sent box and i had never thought to delete them, just never occurred to me. I know most people would assume (as she did) that I was cheating on her and hooking up behind her back with random women. But I swear on my life I have never touched anyone but her.

I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. This sounds corny but she is my soulmate and best friend and it sucks being away from her now. I never should have looked at those sites or responded, but I just wanted to know what was out there, I guess she what was available but never having the desire to act them out.

It is now Monday and I havent talked to her since Thursday. i dont know what i should do, leave her alone, wait( how long?, or call her and see if she will talk. unfortunately the last conversation she told me she never wants to see or talk to me, and that I disgust her and she doesnt even know me.

I took the last few days off work to try and get some clarity. i have spent a while looking online to see what my problem is. The answer that keeps coming up is a sex addiction and the first step is to admitt it. Well i will do whatever I need to to maybe one day follow through with my dreams and plans with my fiance. This seems like a good first step I hope.

[Capp]

vandutch, hello

It's good that you recognize that you have a problem. It took courage for you to post about it...
Perhaps now that you are aware of it you can seek therapy for it?
There is also a Men Focused Support Group available where you might be able to get direction and help. From the main page, scroll down nearly all the way and you will find it.

I wish you luck,
Cap

[cantstopcrying]

Welcome to pc. As capp has said, there is a Men Focused Group and a Sexual Issues Group as well.

If you have been together 7 years, did you just now start wondering was out there? I also wonder what is it hat made her look through your sent emails? That's not something that is normally done when there is trust. Another question to think about is once you saw "what was out there", what were your plans with it?

Is very brave of you to acknowledge your mistake and to want help for it. I have no magic answer for how long to wait to contact her. Have you thought about writing a letter and mailing it to her? Reassure her that it was your (excuse me, please don't get mad) stupidity and not anything missing in her or missing in your relationship. Let her know that it was a case of "cold feet" not "cold heart", that you do still love her and you are (hopefully soon) going to talk to a therapist about why you did this. I know you think she is mad at you--and she probably is--but remember her heart is breaking, too. Please be gentle with yourself, gentle with her and honest with both yourself and her. Continue posting here if you feel comfortable. You will find pc to be a warm and caring place, non-judgemental is how we all try to be. Check out the forums and message a community liaison if you have any questions.

[MysticalMoon]

Hello,
I think you toke one step into the right direction. Keep up the good work!
Just like others have mentioned, if you show that you know that you messed up. And you are working on yourself. Maybe in time, she will understand what happened.

Keep your head up. There is help out there.

Mystical Moon