I met a man before Christmas......he said he was single...some of the things he did, used a prepaid calling card, for one, made me suspicious...he finally confessed that he is married but he is "separated".......after a little prodding from me, he admitted that he isn't separated but "feels" separated........what is going on with people like this? I never went on a date with him because my "married" radar was beeping furiously but I did spend a lot of time talking to him .....was it time wasted? I'm a bit put out with myself and a lot with him.....It is so hard to find someone to go out with.....pat

[SweetCrusader]

What a JERK!

How come you're put out with yourself over this? You gave him the benefit of the doubt. That's not unreasonable. It was HIS mistake, not yours, honey.

Angela

I just feel particularly stupid over it....I'm not sure why. I wasted good time on him?????

[SpazKatt]

Don't be stupid *HUGS* good job on your "radar" usually they're right *hugs* NOT your fault, he's such an *** sorry that happened to you.

Oh, he FEELS separated? What, they ain't actually SEWN together???

Sweets, you were way smarter than a lot of people would have been in your shoes. Sadly, lots of women have no radar and they end up very hurt.

Congrats on getting out before you got in!!

emsky

[h0kie]

I'm very sorry this has happened to you. I've been on the other end and it sucks there too.

Please be careful and take care of you. (((((fayerody)))))

[Wants2Fly]

Oh honestly, what is with some men? You behaved very sensibly, so I don't think you should berate yourself for anything.

Sorry this happened to you.

[gracetoo71]

i am very sorry this happened to you, but don't beat yourself up. he was the stupid one, not you. you are a good person, that believed what he said, there is no fault in that.

it happened to me, but i fell for the "we are in the process of seperating" two years later, with a broken heart and alot of egg on my face, i finally realized that he was just getting his cake and eating it too.

don't beat yourself up, you did everything right, and listened to your radar. good for you!

take care,
grace

Well..........I feel better now! What saved me is the fact that I'm curious.....the calling card was weird, right? So, after sitting there about 10 minutes thinking about it...it hit me. And for the follow up on my telling him that I KNEW.....he became very angry. So, I'm much relieved.....no need do I have for an angry man in my life!! Pat

[h0kie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
s.....the calling card was weird, right?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Not to butt in, but the calling card alone isn't weird. We use one as they're cheaper for us than long distance. Hubby got a secret cell phone when he was relapsing. The other girl(s) had no idea.

However, the calling card in addition to the other things made the calling card weird.....did that make ANY sense?

[mortimer]

Hey, did you know that a large amount of people using online dating services are actually married. I think it's like, 40%. You're not stupid for HIS STUPID MISTAKE. Gotta make sure you know that. ^__^

Get back on that horse girl and you find a winner! ^___^

[MacD]

congratulate yourself for your radar response..this isn't anything new..but i wouldnt view it as time wasted..just time used learning a little more about human nature...with that knowledge will come the person you can really enjoy. hang in...grace

[JohnShaft]

I feel obligated to say that jerks come in all shapes, colors, sizes, and sexes. Dumb jerks... Hearts aren't toys!

[MacD]

truer words were never spoken, John, and jerks also come in both sexes..women are just as capable of playing w/hearts, feelings....it's too bad that selfishness leads so many to use others dishonestly.

Wow! Jerks do come in all sizes and shapes and colors and sexes.......His anger was so sudden and sharp that I'm very grateful that I saw him for what he is, a married jerk, and bailed before I went out with him. Thank God he went on a business trip that lasted a month.....one other thing that piqued my interest was his reaction when I mentioned that I might go to a state park for the weekend to see the bald eagles. He immediately said he never took "weekend" trips...at the time, I didn't notice it but after I hung up the phone I began to think his reaction was strange. I had not mentioned him going with me and in fact, didn't even think of it. ANYWAY, I'm grateful!! Pat

oh a subject i relate to all too well...
married guys often hit on me....
in the past, i was niave as well, overlooking obvious signs that they are shady.
not giving out phone numbers, only giving a cell number instead of a home phone, meeting you places, calling from payphones, etc....
screw those guys!
and respect yourself enough to not put up with their BS....
if he isnt honest with you, then he doesnt respect you. he is looking for a piece of ***, and thats all.
youre worth more than that so pay attention to cues, and dont give those guys any of your energy.
a nice one WILL come along .....

i hope a decent one surfaces one day. i think that moving to Austin, where Shar is, will increase the chances of meeting a decent, fun-loving, thinker, reader, good cooker, cleanerupper man.....

[kvinneakt]

That was a stupid man you spent time with, but the time was not wasted if you learned from it. Please don't rule out men as friends, just friends. It can happen - married or not.

Comment to men who do this: If you want a female friend, not your wife, and not for sexual congress, just be up front and honest about it with everyone concerned, including your wife. My 2 best "buddies" outside my marriage are both women! One is single and also a good friend of my wife, the other is a co-worker with whom I have lunch almost every day. We talk, laugh, joke, write each other, etc and all have found great value in our friendships.

People in this country are so incredibly insecure and downright insane about sexuality. It is just another appetite, like food essential to our survival, but so many of us make it into an ugly and horrible monster. Just like with food, you have to appease it appropriately or be responsible for the consequences.

There is great value in having friendships with anyone. It is a shame if you can't be friends with half the population because of sex differences.

(Admission here that may factor into my opinion. I am a straight, but feminine man who has, thanks to pharmacological technologies of the best anti depressants known, close to a zero sexuality. My compass doesn't point North, so to speak.)

Thank you so much for your kind reply. One of my very best friends is a man who is almost 20 years younger than I...I've always had male friends and cherish them dearly. You're right about sex.....a lot of people seem to use their sexual appetite as their only method of knowing women. women do it too with men. I'm so glad that I didn't actually SEE him...just phone and e.mails.....well, i "saw" him, but didn't go out and found out all the "news" while he was gone on the business trip........thanks again for your response. pat p.s. i know what the wonderful ADs can do to us!!!