Accepting Loneliness?

Hi, I have a problem, I think i actually hate socializing. It's kind of weird, i am 19 years old now, and when i was in High school people thought i was some kind of a killer, because i never talked and was always serious. I am still like that, When someone tells a joke in school i just don't find it funny, and everyone in class is in tears from that joke. I guess people would say that i have "friends" but i don't consider them to be my friends just people i know, I would do anything for my friends, and these people that have been my so called "friends" have been taking advantage of that, when ever they were in need i was there to help them, but i never got anything back in return, even when they went out somewhere or on vocation to go camping or w/e they never called me, and many of the people i thought were my friends have betrayed me, and made fun of me. Well at first the fun thing wasn't that bad, because it was the truth, I could never get a girlfriend, I wouldn't say because I'm ugly, I am not, but im not one of those pretty boys either. My face has weird features, because it took punishment from fights (my friends needed help with fights, it was a childish thing in high school and got me into quite a bit of trouble) so yea i have a broken nose, i cant breathe through it. When ever i try talking to some girl, it takes a lot of courage to start talking(It is weird when i ask my self, i am not afraid of many things but socializing is what i am afraid of), and at first its cool, i guess they find me interesting, but at some point i just weird out and say something dumb or do something dumb, and the next day I really don't want to talk to the same girl again, Like i feel awkward, and try to avoid her, even if nothing weird happened the day before. So i have been thinking, if this goes on i will never find a mate, i have two sisters, one is a year older than me and another 2 years, they are still young i know but they are already married. I know i should get a job first and an education, but i am 19 and i never even kissed a girl, i just wanna go away and live in wilderness where there is no people, because i dont mind being alone I seem to actually prefer it, i know its weird.

and i cant talk to anyone about my feelings, my own parents dont even know who i really am, because i have never talked to them about anything besides how was my day, and half of that was probably lies.

I was kind of like you as well. There are times I still want to run to the wilderness and just disappear, if even just for a while. My husband doesn't like it when I talk like that but I can't help how I feel. In high school I didn't date either. I hung out with a lot of guys but I was always just "one of the boys" so I didn't get my first real date type kiss until I was 36 years old - don't laugh too hard. It's hard for me to talk to people even today, which is funny because I'm a teacher. You have to decide for yourself when you are ready to talk to girls and maybe start a relationship. It won't be easy, so expect some who don't return your calls, some who only want to talk to you when they are bored, and some who get too clingy right away. Remember that in the end the only person we have any hope to have control over is ourselves.

Good luck!

you know, it's funny because in high school, I wasn't the type of person that you were. Well, sorta/
My first few years in high school, I was really outgoing, friendly, and well known.. I had tons of friends.. it was fun, I must admit. But when I became a senior, I changed. I hated who I was. I still had those friends, though they weren't really good friends that you can count on.. but I avoided them. I wanted to spend most of my time alone and I just hated my old friends and who I was around them.
But.. through all my years in high school, even though I could have dated the popular guys, I was friends with most of them, but I wasn't interested. I liked guys like you.. the quiet ones, the angry looking ones, the loners. I always found them more interesting. Because with all the popular guys, you knew everything about them.. but the quiet ones were just so interesting to me.. Pretty much all the guys I ever liked in high school were like you sound. None of my friends ever understood because they were into the popular guys, but I didn't care.
The only bad thing was that I was shy around them and they were shy around me so it never got far.. so don't think that there's no hope. You can have a girlfriend. You just have to wait to find the right girl. Don't worry about how old you are; it doesn't matter. I'm 19 and i'm now married (six months), but I never dated during high school and didn't even go to prom.. haha.. so don't worry. My only serious boyfriend was my husband..
Just be patient.. and have some confidence in yourself. The right girl will come around, and she won't care if your nose was broken. I promise.