Physical Pain of Memories

On another thread: re: "I think it was my wife who helped. I was really down, and she said "You've been here before and you always get through it."

It wasn't like that for me. I was squashed like a bug by my beloved.

The man I'd been with for 15 years left me as I slid downward, became ill, and lost a good-paying job. The person I most trusted in life, called "the best person I've known." Left 5 days before my birthday, and tore my character to shreds on the way out the door. It happened at this time of year, and sometimes the pain washes over me, a great wave of physical pain. I can be standing in a Home Depot -- the kind of place we'd usually be together --and I wonder if I am going to faint. His words -- that I am so filled with hate and anger and bitterness that he can't go out in public with anymore -- washes over me sweeping away any progress I've made, at least for a time.

I don't want to keep playing this tape. Like a skip on an old LP that keeps playing over and over. It's been almost two years.

Sometimes the thought of being with a man again nauseates me. I don't want anyone who can hurt me this much ever again to be in my energy field. Everyone with clothes on, one foot always on the floor when on a bed -- if it was good enough for the Hollywood moral censors, Rock Hudson and Doris Day, good enough for me now.

(((((((((( wants )))))))))) i am so sorry for your pain.

i have swore off men at this point in my life. it just isn't worth the pain, the agony, the disappointment, the losing of self, and the long painful journey back to finding yourself. i just can't do it anymore. i understand your pain and am sorry.

please take care
grace

Thank you for replying, Gracetoo. It really helps to know there is someone out there who has reached the same place in life and who has a caring word to say.

I hope your day is filled with peace and blessings.

*hugs*

Thanks, Katt