[Gleak]

Hi guys,

I'm not exactly sure where to begin, so I guess i'll start from the beginning here. This past week has been very hectic with work and all.

Regardless, my fiancee (we were engaged late december of '08) has got 4 days off in the week. She left for work Tuesday morning and came back Thursday night - her usual shift.

She rushed off to bed thursday night soon after coming home - mainly because she needed to be up early as she had volunteered her time to help decorate a parade float for a parade that was to go on Saturday morning.

So friday morning rolls around, I wake up and get ready for work and my fiancee is already gone. No big deal there - I knew she would be as she told me of her plans.

Though, it turns out that they didn't really start decorating until about 3 pm - she finallly got back home at around 11 Pm. Again, she rushed off to bed because she needed to be at the parade by 8:30 am, so needed to be up by 6 to get ready, etc.

So she goes to the parade - and is there for one hour. It's done and she goes w/her boss to tear down the float again. We were texting each other (the most we've talked since she's gotten back from work) during the afternoon/evening.

Then I texted her again to say I love you, etc... and I didn't hear back from her for like 45 mins. Not a huge deal. Really.. that's not. She finally did text me back and was like I love you always.. sorry, I was on a bike ride.

I figured bicycle ride w/her boss/friend. Nope.

She was on the back of another mans motorcycle - Her bosses husbands trucker friend.

Mind you - she and I have barely spoke in the last few days. She's so busy w/the parade stuff and hanging out w/her boss that she's no time for me lately.

Like I said, we've hardly said 15 words to each other from Thursday night until Saturday night when she is telling me about this motorcycle ride and how she couldn't refuse it.

Now, I KNOW that her intentions were innocent. I trust her w/my life and my heart.

I just don't think she should have accepted a motorcycle ride from her bosses husbands trucker friend and - I got upset w/her.

In all actuality, she did nothing wrong. She was just having fun while I was at work -working late.

It just seems to me that I may have over reacted, but I still see her accepting a motorcycle ride from a man when i'm not around and haven't been around her in almost a week.

That made me feel pretty crappy seeing as she's out w/a group of people she described as great, really cool - i've never met any of them btw - having a great time but she just doesn't have time for me because she volunteered her time for these activities. I have been feeling very left out of our relationship.

What do you think? Did I over react by getting upset? Should I have just let it go?

Feeling a lil confused at the moment -

[profpaul3d]

I don't know that I am one who can speak to this issue with any authority, but the way it sounds, this could land on either side of the "trust" fence.

Four days to a week is a fairly short period for a relationship that is (close to/ more than?) a year old. You got engaged just in December. If this is an isolated series of events then let it go, but if the behavior persists for more than a few weeks there may be cause for concern.

A little insecurity can breed an lot of mistrust if it isn't tempered by common sense. Sometimes a ride is just a ride - even on the back of a strangers motorcycle. Don't jump to conclusions unless you see a definite pattern.

[Gleak]

Well, as I said - I KNOW for a fact that it was purely a ride on a motorbike.

Before I continue - heres a bit of a background: We've been living together for just about 4 years and were recently engaged. I'm an Auto Tech & she does Assisted Living.
_________

I did apologize to her for getting upset, but stood firm when I said I thought that was not something a woman in a committed relationship should be doing.

Even though it was purely an innocent thing - a simple ride on a bike that's really nice. At least it was for her.. Innocent I mean.

Regardless, I had a bike in my early twenties and what that meant was you were showing your buddies your girl. Sporting her around like a pair of $500.00 sunglasses. At least, that's how it was when I used to ride.

Her really close friend's husband also has a bike. I'm going to ask her & her husband what they would do - if her friends husband took another girl out on his bike, would his wife be upset? I imagine that she would be, but my way of thinking is sometimes off the beaten path.

All that aside, no conclusions have been drawn and I know she's committed to me and would not intentionally hurt our relationship in any way. She's much too sweet to be vindictive.

I do appreciate your reply.

[RomanSunburn]

Just to put this up front, but I'm pretty young, and dont know if you'll feel the need to weigh that in with my response. Also, my I key is broken...

Anyways, I'm in a long distance relationship, and my boyfriend and I often have to find activites to keep us entertained when the other isn't around. Now, I have a list of goals to do before I die, and riding on a motorcycle happens to be one of them. I have no intention of drivng one myself or ever owning one... just want to ride on it. My boss at my old work, when she found this out, told me that next time her SO stopped by work with his motorcycle that he would take me for a ride on it. So, the whole issue of a girl on the back of another guys motorcycle... Yes, it could mean more. But really, if you believe that she was being innocent, then let it go. Who cares what other people think as long as you and her are on the same page about being faithful? Personally, I'd be really upset if my boyfriend started telling me things I should and shouldn't do, just as I'd expect him to be upset if I told him what to do (as long as these things dont hurt or offend the other). He's going to go to parties, I'm going to go to clubs. He's going to go do whatever, I'm going to go ride on a motorcycle.

Also along the lines of a long distance relationshp, (which I understand you're not in), my boyfriend and I had to learn to trust each others judgements. About everything really, but especially about friends. Let her know that you'd like to hang out with these people with her. Dont make it sound lke youre going to interogate these people (you trust her, remember?). You just want to see this part of your fiancee's life, that's all.

To me, it sounds lke youre a little jealous cause you dont get to see your fiancee as much as you would like to. You might want to think about that, and talk to her about it. Perhaps you need to have weekly date, no ifs ands or buts. Just something little that you guys can do every week -- take out and a movie on TV.

I hope you can figure out your insecurities and the root of them. That way you can nip these troubles in the bud.

Best of luck,
Ro

[Gleak]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

Just to put this up front, but I'm pretty young, and dont know if you'll feel the need to weigh that in with my response. Also, my I key is broken...

Anyways, I'm in a long distance relationship, and my boyfriend and I often have to find activites to keep us entertained when the other isn't around. Now, I have a list of goals to do before I die, and riding on a motorcycle happens to be one of them. I have no intention of drivng one myself or ever owning one... just want to ride on it. My boss at my old work, when she found this out, told me that next time her SO stopped by work with his motorcycle that he would take me for a ride on it. So, the whole issue of a girl on the back of another guys motorcycle... Yes, it could mean more. But really, if you believe that she was being innocent, then let it go. Who cares what other people think as long as you and her are on the same page about being faithful? Personally, I'd be really upset if my boyfriend started telling me things I should and shouldn't do, just as I'd expect him to be upset if I told him what to do (as long as these things dont hurt or offend the other). He's going to go to parties, I'm going to go to clubs. He's going to go do whatever, I'm going to go ride on a motorcycle.

Also along the lines of a long distance relationshp, (which I understand you're not in), my boyfriend and I had to learn to trust each others judgements. About everything really, but especially about friends. Let her know that you'd like to hang out with these people with her. Dont make it sound lke youre going to interogate these people (you trust her, remember?). You just want to see this part of your fiancee's life, that's all.

To me, it sounds lke youre a little jealous cause you dont get to see your fiancee as much as you would like to. You might want to think about that, and talk to her about it. Perhaps you need to have weekly date, no ifs ands or buts. Just something little that you guys can do every week -- take out and a movie on TV.

I hope you can figure out your insecurities and the root of them. That way you can nip these troubles in the bud.

Best of luck,
Ro

Hi Ro,

I do appreciate your reply. Apparently, your age has nothing to do with how you're able to answer me. You did a pretty awesome job.

Now, I just want to explain a bit more about her and I: She's a free soul, as we all are here in the good old US of A - I have no intention on telling her what she can and cannot do. I want her to be herself. That's who I fell in love with to begin with, y'know?

She and I do live together and our relationship is very close. We DO spend plenty of time together, usually. It just seemed to me that her 4 days off she gets every week would be enough to squeeze me into her life, somewhere.

We did sit down and have a chat about why I felt the way I felt.. and the fact that she was so pre-occupied with everyone else that she's recently met and very interested in spending time with them - that our usual time together was seemingly not so important this week to her.

I dunno though, Like I said, I may have been jumping the gun a bit. Though, I believe there are certain activities that a couple just shouldn't engage in when they're not together.

Like, for example - Given that I still had my motorcycle - I wouldn't take another girl out for a bike ride. That's just bad business.

Another example - I wouldn't hug and accept gifts from a mental patient in a state run facility and text them on my cell phone and call them when it could potentially be against many different HIPPA laws as well as cost me my job and possibly prison time... She on the other hand, did these things and saw absolutely nothing wrong with them.

It doesn't truly matter though, not anymore. But thanks again for your reply!!