[ajm218]

Okay so im new here but definately need some advice. I was dating somebody for close to a year and a half. We lived together for a while but he ended up breaking up with me in June 08. We didn't talk for awhile after that because i was absolutely heartbroken. I met someone else and we began casually seeing more of each other. I made clear to this person i did not want a serious relationship and after a while began realizing that i really did love my ex and wanted things to work. I guess you can say i was talking to my ex and this guy i had met at the same time because i was very unsure of what i wanted to do. Once i realized my ex was who i wanted and he wanted me back, i let the other one go. He did not really like my decision and then decided to get my ex's phone number and portray me as this "player type" He exaggerated stories of the time we had spent together all on my ex's voicemail. About 2 weeks before my ex received the voicemail I had told him i met someone else while we were broken up and that it was nothing serious and i loved and wanted to be with him. We agreed we would move on but he did not want to know any of the details. Then he received the voicemail last week and will not speak to me because he believes i was physically with both of them at the same time, and he is very hurt and upset by all of the details he did not originally want to know. I do not know what to do at this point. Ive apologized endlessly and he knows he is the only person i want and love. I dont know if i should just give him some time, or should i keep making attempts to call him? It's already been a week, and I am absolutely just wrecked about this and desperate for help!

[Umm_kelly]

Have you asked him what you can do to make it better? I would try writing him a letter, because you can look at what you're saying, and better see how you will appear to him. It would be easier to get your thoughts together. Also, it would help to try and be calm. I've ruined a lot of situations with guys by not being able to maintain my composure and think clearly and calmly. Hand him the letter in person and then walk away. Give him some time to think about what you've said and what he wants to say back. I hope that helped.

[kjetterman]

Take a deep breath.

First of all, you need to recognize that this is not all your fault. Boyfriend A broke up with *you*. I'm sure that situation alone put you into some serious emotional turmoil, especially since the two of you were living together and committed to longevity. When you broke up, you found comfort in someone else. It happens, right? You were broken up with Boyfriend A and Boyfriend B came along. You recognized right away that your feelings for Boyfriend B weren't serious and you let him know as much. No harm done.

I am giving kudos to you because throughout all of this you have been totally honest with both men.

First, cut off ties to Boyfriend B. Let him know that you felt that what he did bordered harassment and you are not happy about it. If he continues you will get the law involved.

Write a letter to Boyfriend A (or talk to him) about all of the feelings you had from June of 08 (the breakup) to when the two of you got back together. Let him know that you cannot control the actions of others. He didn't want details and you didn't give him any. How could you know that Boyfriend B would pull a fatal attraction move on you? You didn't.

If he wants to get back together with you, then all things (including the initial breakup) need to be hashed out between the two of you. After that has been done (and not a moment before), then you two can start on a clean slate.

I understand why he has hurt feelings and I am not telling you to be insensitive to those feelings. But you must only take responsibility for the feelings that are yours to take responsibility of.

We women have a tendency to take the world upon our shoulders and to take the blame for everything under the sun...even the weather. If we could manage to compartmentalize those feelings, I think we'd all be better off. But alas, it's not how we roll.

Good luck!

[gimmeice]

Hello ajm, it's nice to meet you, welcome to psych central.
I agree with what has been said above maybe writing a letter detailing all of your emotions and then giving him some space to decide what he wants is the best course of action.

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