[dance59326]

I'm feeling that I've got an attachment disorder. I can't click with my mother nor my sister who was also adopted from a different area.

I was found about 2 wks as a newborn on the streets of China, picked up by the police. Sent to an orphanage which was an abusive orphanage, fed like 2X a week

adopted at age 1.5 years old, moved to North America, not giving where I live for privacy reasons

I'm growing up as a psychological mess in and out of the hospital, attempted suicide, am self-destructive, don't feel like I'm really here

is anyone a person like me?? highly unlikely, anyone a professional here??? I need some help

Main Question

Does Adoption affect the way a child grows up into their later life?

I feel that this is true

please help me, I really need some answers!

[FerretGuy5]

I can't say for adoption. But I was thrown out at age 9 when my mother remarried and no longer wanted me. I lived or survived on my own and lived in attics and basements of school mates parents. Not having parents sure does mess things up though. I have never been able to have close friendships and have never been in a relationship. At age 61, that doesn't sound probable.

[madisgram]

i'm no doc, but i do believe you may feel unattached in a psychological way. i have heard other people that have been adopted state pretty much what you are feeling. like who am i? where did i come from?
do u see a therapist to discuss these feelings? it may be a big job to untangle these feelings all by yourself. jme, but i think it would help for u to see a therapist to sort out all this. hope you will let us know how u're doing, k? we care about u and u do matter to us.

[dance59326]

Anyone else here and can post??? I'm trying to research this inquiry, but am needing more help to answer my question about both myself and typical adolescents

[ihateit]

Originally Posted by dance59326

Anyone else here and can post??? I'm trying to research this inquiry, but am needing more help to answer my question about both myself and typical adolescents

No, I wasn't adopted, yet my parents were very detached, no one ever said I love you, I'm proud of you, good job, etc., at 14 my mom left and married some other guy, I wanted to go with her but I ended up with my dad.

I will say many, if not most, adopted children will have a bit of an identiy problem, even if they loved thier adoptive parents and were treated great and part of the family etc.

It seems to me you have more problems than anyone here can handle, none of us are truly professionals, we help out with what we can from experience and learning from others and our therapists. You need to find a therapist and get working on you. You are an unique, wonderful human being...reading your first post it says you are growing up a mess...are you still at home? Are your parents aware of how you feel (even if you're not at home anymore)? Get some help, and let us know how it's going! We do care!

Good luck and God bless!

[ThePainNeverDies]

I was adopted and I am in much the same situation as you, Dance. I was very detached from my adoptive parents and we never ever clicked. In the end, they started stealing my stuff and such and I got kicked out because I caught them stealing my stuff..

If you have any questions, PM me anytime, I'm always happy to help

I believe that yes, adoption can affect the way a child grows up, but it doesn't have to stay that way, many adopted children can be better psychiatrists, social workers and such, because some have a lot more experience in life than others.

I hope this helps some

[madisgram]

there have many studies on how environment affects ones's personality versus genetics. you may wish to google this and see what u might find out. it may enlighten you on your inquiry. new england medical journal is a great place to start in your google to see the results of studies on adopted persons and the results of those studies. both environment and genetics contribute to who one is/becomes.
i hope this helps you. i'm not adopted but know ppl who are as i stated in a previous post. sometimes researching studies will help you find answers. having a therapist also helps many adoptees better understand their behaviors and feelings, too.
as "ihateit" stated we are here to support you in ways we can. perhaps another adoptee will see your post and reply. give a little time to see what happens. some days more people are active at the site than others. i wish you well and hope you can find some resolution to your questions.

[robin620]

Not sure how much is being adopted and how much is having no parents until you were a year and a half. My niece was adopted at birth (placed with her permanent family at 6 weeks and in a loving foster home before that) and has known all along that she has a birthmother and a mommy. She is as typical 10 year old with typical "growing up" issues with her parents - whom she loves very much. She was lucky. Babies feel love - or the lack thereof - well before they know how to express it or remember things. Experiences from that early in life build the foundation of later emotional identity. What happens later can either intensify that or, usually with a lot of time and work, can create a more stable foundation around the original one.

In short, I don't believe being adopted causes detachment, but the experiences in life surrounding the adoption issues can easily take one down that path.

[bonaire]

I think it does change your life - but your challenge is how can you allow yourself to be you despite your past circumstances.

I'm adopted. At 5-days old from the hospital. Older parents adopted me and dad died when I was 6yo and mom still is alive though we are 45 years apart in age. The challenge was her acting more like a grandmother in terms of her relationship with me, though she still is my mom. I'm greatful to have a family - but wonder what my original family of what I hear was 6 or possibly 7 siblings would have been like? I had it "easy" in this new family (less social issues) but I learned just that - less about social issues.

I have a friend in Ontario who adopted from an orphanage in China. Her daugher had some health problems - but they've addressed them I believe (haven't talked to her in a while).

Adoptive kids have to accept their situations - I didn't really understand or accept it fully when I was younger but really think it was for the better now. I had issues myself - shyness, fear of abandonment, fear of social situations, binge drinking but now I'm dealing with binge eating. Not great but I think I did get through a lot of my prior issues. By the time I'm 50, I should be fine

[dance59326]

Any adolescents or young adults here who are adopted

[ThePainNeverDies]

Originally Posted by dance59326

Any adolescents or young adults here who are adopted

I am!!

PM me if you need anything

[tat2doc]

I was adopted at 6 months of age. I never "clicked" with my adoptive parents either although dad and I had a better relationship then mom and I. We fought constantly. Maybe cause we were both Cancers. In fact, my high school sweetheart shared the same birthday as my mom. And we fought all the time too.

Dad said that when I turned 13, they lost all control of me.

I have problems fitting in, and bonding with people. Like there's a wall between me & them. I tend to be a loner and a hermit. Even at 51 years old, I have a hard time relating to people.

YOu could have an attachment disorder, I know in my child psych classes we learned that it is quite common in those adopted. I am sure you could find some books on adoption and attachment disorders, it is being researched more and more now days. I am sorry it hurts so much.......you missed out on a lot of attention and love that newborns usually get. I wasn't adopted, but my mom was totally detached and abusive, I do understand similar feelings. But I wasn't ever wanted. One good thing is that you WERE eventually by your adopted family. I am not sure how old you are, but relationships can change. The only thing I can offer is try to love yourself and treat yourself with care, you DO matter.

Originally Posted by dance59326

I'm feeling that I've got an attachment disorder. I can't click with my mother nor my sister who was also adopted from a different area.

I was found about 2 wks as a newborn on the streets of China, picked up by the police. Sent to an orphanage which was an abusive orphanage, fed like 2X a week

adopted at age 1.5 years old, moved to North America, not giving where I live for privacy reasons

I'm growing up as a psychological mess in and out of the hospital, attempted suicide, am self-destructive, don't feel like I'm really here

is anyone a person like me?? highly unlikely, anyone a professional here??? I need some help

Main Question

Does Adoption affect the way a child grows up into their later life?

I feel that this is true

please help me, I really need some answers!