My frustrations towards my friend - anyone have any advice ? -

<font color="blue"> I'm writing this post to let my frustrations I have with my friend Dagger out...I dunno what I expect as a response, but hopefully...maybe somebody can give me advice. Dagger chan gets angry alot with me...because of the way I am, she isn't a bad girl...though, so please don't think that...I'm not trying to make her seem that way...cuz she's done alot for me in the past...and I'm greatful for it. I feel though that I cannot be myself around her, that if I do or say something she will get angry at me...and leave. She has a did system and I try supporting her the best that I can, but sometimes that gets very stress ful. One of her personalities, Lee, is hard to deal with to a degree....he does't like to listen to much. Reminds me of myself...really. I'll be seeing a therapist tommorrow...and hopefully from now on, but I feel like dagger constantly nags at me for being the way I am. If I act in a way that is wrong according to her standards, she snaps at me. Earlier she said this to me " .... because you're a martyr and never shut up about what you're doing wrong to just go along with what you're good with and you want to be messed up and piss people off because you're addicted to drama? " Because I got a bit dissapointed in myself for not being able to make her laugh with my weak sense of humor, and complained about it. I feel like that was an attack towards me...it might not have been, but really....I only complained because I was dissapointed in myself for not being able to make her laugh. I'm worried about her and her pack....and I want to make her happier. It seems though, that no matter what I do...it's always wrong... I'm trying to get myself help, and do things for myself, but the more I do that..the more it seems she doesn't like it. I feel entirely inferior and like I'm nothing but a toy she likes to play with. It hurts me....I know she loves me...and I don't know what to think, when she gets so angry like that...I dunno how to respond, and I what to say....yeah...well...merg....that's basically it. She gets angry alot, and I have a hard time believing in her words now because she always snaps at me for being me. Now please don't say she's bad....cuz that's not my intent...i'm hjust....so very frustrated ;_; with her, and with everything else going on right now. I'd just like a lil support....but when I get sad or angry, she snaps....I just want to be comforted, not lectured or snapped at or told that I'm a matyr or whatever... ;_; Dunno what to do...frustrated. I'm afraid if she reads this post...she'll get mad, or upset at me too....and ***** at me, and stop being my friend....so uncertain....so scared, she'll do that. Dun wanna loose her....Miyu once said " Different people have different things that keep them balanced. For you, that's her " so basically...if I loose her...I loose myself....and it's happened before...and I'm so scared it will happen again...hard love...? maybe....but it breaks me....;_; -_- Please...don't say she's bad. I love her, and she's not...she's done alot for me.....

*sits in a corner and rocks herself in utter confusion and noneunderstanding * </font>

Hi lilah, I'm sorry you are having trouble with your friend. I don't get that your friend is bad, or even that you are a martyr. It sounds to me more like two friends who each have some trouble of their own which, strains things between you. We all learn different ways to balance that.

It's really good that you are getting help for yourself. That has to be your first priority, pretty much always. Sometimes a simple picture can illustrate a point that might take up too much space with words. (gotta laugh at myself for a moment, there.)

Picture: You and your best friend sailing together in seperate leaky sail boats. Niether boat will hold both of you. You help eachother bail water when one is leaking faster than the other. But when yours is about to go under, you have to bail your own first. And the same is true for your friend.

Life is just like that. I hope things feel better and you get back to some smooth sailing together.

8, all i can say is WOWOWOWOW. that hit me...the friendship boat thing. may i use that? please? thanks.

lilah, i so agree with 8 on this. this doesn't make either one of you bad friends or ppl. you're both very needy right now and have to focus on your own needs. for instance if i have a toothache...an abcess...it's the worst one that ever existed therefore no one can truly understand my pain or help me with it. it's kind of the way with you and dagger right now...you both have bad toothaches and have to tend to them and start feeling better before you can concentrate fully on the needs of each other. it doesn't mean that the friendship is over or anything. it just means that the friendship may be secondary (just for a short time) until each of you can get your crisis in a better place.

gl hon.

She just screamed she hated me and dissapeared. She hates me for being like her old self. Now im just blah....

Lilah, you can't live your life through Daggers, you must live your own
Angie

I just died. She removed me from her da watch list. She hates me now..he hates me...............................

-cough- I ish teh Daggah pershon you all keep talking about.

I realize all my pains were caused by myself, but eh....

These people are right. Live your life through yourself, not me.

I do not like you. I do not like you for every bit of tenderness and love and trust you spit right back in my face.

ciao

Lilah...I just want you to know that i care a great deal...I'm just not always able to deal with your pain and anger and those sudden outbursts . That's why sometimes i have to step out and away...i don't ever want to respond in a way that could cause you more pain...i just wanted you to know that...you're actually on my mind more than you'll every know. grace

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lilah)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thankyou.