Part of my homework from my T appointment was to talk with my father about his relentless phone calls… while I’m at work, while I’m trying to relax at home, or just doing my thing for me. It gets extremely irritating simply because of the hell he put me through. I’m not always in the mind frame to talk to him and if I don’t answer the phone, I wind up with, oh I don’t know, a MILLION voice mails from him wondering if I’m ok, how am I feeling, is work ok. Sometimes I want to get him on the phone and scream at him to leave me the hell alone. I want the good part of our relationship to flourish and the negative part to fade away, and he isn’t helping. So I was terrified to tell him that I need to be the one to call him when I feel up to it, to put that leash on him. I was afraid that he would be offended and our fragile relationship would shatter. Well, I couldn’t have been more wrong. He completely understood. Which is a good thing, but there was a part of me that wanted a confrontation. Weird, huh? But it went well, and now I’m not gonna have anymore unwanted, anger inducing phone calls. I know it seems petty to get upset like that over a phone call, but whatever. It’s how I feel so it’s genuine. Thanks for reading.

Ryan

[SweetCrusader]

I don't think that's petty at all, Ryan. And I really admire you for being so brave to set that boundary! I think it will be good for your relationship with your father.

I can relate to feeling angry when your dad calls. My calls at the most once about every 2 months, but I still feel angry. I just don't feel good toward him at all. Most of the bad stuff is in the past. He's not abusive anymore. It's just that he has some annoying habits that really drive me bonkers. And when there is years of buried hostility, I think little things get to you MUCH easier. Don't you think?? I would try what you did with your dad, except that I would NEVER call him and things wouldn't get repaired. I guess sometimes you just have to accept that things are never going to be ideal?

Anyway, I didn't mean to turn it to me. Just wanted you to know that your feelings are NOT petty, and that you're not the only one who has felt this way. I don't know what the relationship with your father has been like in the past, so I don't know for sure that what brought this about is similar. But I DEFINITELY relate to not wanting to always hear from your parents.

Congrats again on being so brave!!

Angela

[SpazKatt]

I'm really glad he seemed ok with it! Good job! that's great progress!!!

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Rem -- I'm in my 50s and still working out bondaries and relationships with my mom. What you did was incredibly brave. I am so glad that it had a positive outcome for you.

[h0kie]

Good job Ryan! My dad calls me all the time (3-4 times a night...and he lives next door). Luckily, he is not malicious in any way...just curious. So it doesn't bother me....(most of the time) lol.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself! You are worth it!

SweetCrusader, my dad was abusive both verbally and physically when I was a child/teenager. At 16 we came to blows and I was "punished" for standing up to him. We didn't speak for 2 years. We've been on speaking terms for almost 8 years now and some is good, and some bad. He is a completely different man now... a wonderful person to look up to except that I just can't bring myself to do it just yet. That will come with time. He treats me like a child to this day sometimes. Maybe that's because he never really got to be my dad. My step dad raised me as his own and I think my dad is jealous of my feelings for my step dad. That could be part of the reason for all the phone calls. I whole heartedly agree that the little things can eat at you, but for me, the little things drudge up all the big things... like a nasty trigger. Maybe someday he and I will have that "ideal" relationship you spoke up and maybe not. I guess this is gonna take effort on both our parts, but I'm willing and he seems to be. Thanks for posting.

Ryan

Spaz, Erin, Wants2, thank you so much for your encouragement and positive feedback. I'm lucky to have friends like you guys and SweetCrusader.

Ryan

[SeptemberMorn]

How brave of you!! Hope you're really proud of yourself because you deserve it!!

[SweetCrusader]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I whole heartedly agree that the little things can eat at you, but for me, the little things drudge up all the big things... like a nasty trigger.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes, that's what I meant. The little things can set off all the feelings from the big things of the past.

I'm sorry your dad was so hurtful. Even when they change, it's pretty hard to deal with, isn't it?

You are in my thoughts,
Angela

Angela, it is hard... very hard as you well know. I'm determined that THIS time, I'll get past it. THIS time, I'll find my happiness and a healthy relationship with him. Thanks for your positive thoughts and encouragement. It means the world to me.

Ryan

[jmo531]

(((((rem)))))