[CrazyComedy]

Hey there! I'm Ruby and 24 years old. I can see so many wonderful and interesting stories here, and I was hoping that someone out there would help me with my story. I know I am new to the site, but I am in such need of an opinion right now...

To make an EXTREMELY long story story short, I meet my boyfriend when we were 14 in a mental hospital and we had been friends for 3 years, then going out till now.

Neither of us have had great adventures in our abusive households, and we slowly began to imagine a new paradise together with just us and our new family. I was suggesting it to keep him going, but he became glued to it and would never leave my side...

... Well, he is VERY emotional and just recently began becoming very angry with himself. He has so many friends, a one day a week job, full time student at a college, and all the games and electronics one can hope for. But I have realized over a long period of time that he is, in some crazy way, spoiled with the people who felt sorry for him. He is not growing out of his boyish nature and refuses to find another job to help his parents pay for his food, water, and electricity. Well, his parents are crazy anyway, so that's fine by me.

The only thing is, I'm moving on and I want a professional career with what I love to do, and at first I wanted him with me, only now that he's acting like a 6 year old, I'm having second thoughts about being with him. I don't know what suddenly made him change, but he has been acting weird this past year, and just started stalking me when I lest expected it. He has not found a goal for himself and is suddenly fearful I am cheating on him.

He has NEVER hit me before, and at worst grabbed my wrist to keep me from turning away. When that happened, we separated for a while, and he went crazy and locked himself up in the hospital voluntarily.

Like I said, he is emotional. His latest act is screaming and crying while jumping up and down, then throwing himself to the ground and begging me not to go. That happened when I said I needed to be alone for the weekend to work on my school project!!! When I got upset, he became more insane and began slamming trees outside and punching holes through his wall.

I now desperately want him to move on, but my problem is not that I am not strong enough... my problem is that he IS suicidal, and has tried it in the past before (not when he was with me though). My problem is that if I leave him, he will most likely kill himself.

If there is anyone out there who has had any kind of similar experience or knows about these stories, I need your opinion on weather or not I might be able to leave him without his death haunting me, or what I should do to help change him. I never thought I would be trapped like this, but here I am. His family and friends already blame me for second guessing him. Unbelievable.

Please help! I will try to help you back! Thank you so much!!!

[salukigirl]

first off, welcome to PC! I know this sounds harsh but his emotions (or inability to control or interpret them) are not your fault. You can't stay with a person just because youre afraid that they will become suicidal if you leave. That is unneeded stress on you and you need to think of yourself first.

Even though you say he has never hit you, I would be weary. I don't know him personally but someone who has such dramatic mood swings - I would be careful. Is there any way that you could warn a hospital or therapist that you need to leave but are worried he might kill himself?

People change and grow over time, thats just what happens. If were lucky, our relationships will grow together but sometimes they grow apart. Thats just a part of life. I ended up leaving my ex-fiancee because I had all these aspirations of grad school, traveling etc... and he was fine working at Wendy's forever and playing video games. And even though I cared for him a great deal I know that my education and personal happiness come first - and if a guy isn't willing to be flexibile with me and allow me room to grow then he's not the guy for me.

I'm sorry to hear that he is so sensitive. A lot of times all these people need are a swift kick in the *** to kind of realzie what theyre doing to themselves and others around them. Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe if you go to him and explain what you just said here and then tell him that you need to do your own thing and have someone supportive and not someone who will drag you down, he'll realize what he's doing. And, my personal opinion, if he doesn't come to that realization, he's not worth it.

And I know that's much easier said than done and that its still hard to watch someone ruin their own lives but sometimes that's what you have to do. My father is an alcoholic and my whole life my brother, sister and I have had talks with him, pleaded, cried...you name it to try and get him to stop drinking but he never has stopped and probably never will. So even though it was the hardest thing Ive ever done I had to stop talking to him. I didn't speak with him for months. I was stressing myself out trying to fix my dad and it took me a very long time to come to terms with the fact that he will slowly drink himself to death and theres nothing I can do about it. After i finally realized that I could talk to him again but I couldn't take the stress it was causing me to continue that relationship.

I hope all goes well and please keep me updated.