Don't know what to do about gma

My grandma has gone severly downhill since my grandpa died Dec 31, 2001. She moved into a nursing home because she kept getting dizzy and a couple times fell and ended up in the hospital. She turns 87 In a few days and I haven't seen her since last christmas. I live 6 hours away and every time I go to see her my uncle has her out to dinner or something.

Anyways, the last few times I've gone she hasn't even recognized me. My dad said he went to her about a week ago and she didn't even know who he was....her own son. I want to see her because I know she doesn't have much time left but it just hurts so bad to see her like that. Every time I go see her it ends in me bawling my eyes out for hours because she doesn't know who I am. And if you correct her and tell her who you are she gets terrified. She thinks it's 1950 and she becomes so scared when you tell her what's going on. Then she realizes she's not in her 30's and she doesn't know where she is or who all these people are and I can't do that to her.

I just don't know what to do. I want to see her so bad but I don't know if I can take it again. She doesn't even know who SHE is. And I don't want her to pass and me regret not going to visit but it just hurts so so so bad to see her in that condition. Does that make me a horrible person that I can't bear to see her like that even though I know she wont be around much longer?

No, you are *not* a horrible person, salukigirl.
You're frightened about something you don't understand. And that is very normal.
It sounds as if your grma has alzheimer's disease. It's a disease that attacks the brain, and it's the most common type of dementia. It's easily found on a google search, where you can learn about it. If you do decide to visit, here's a list of things to do with people who have alzheimer's:
http://www.alz.org/living_with_alzhe...activities.asp
I hope this will help make your decision easier. Understand, your grandmother has a disease. She's still in there; she still loves you. But, her mind is being destroyed. But, just like every other human being, she still needs love.
And so do you.

Peace!

((((( Salukigir l )))))))

What a loving granddaughter you are!

This is such a hard decision for you to make but only you can make it. If you do decide to go, perhaps if you make a little bit of a plan...

Do you drive or would you bus it? Either way you must make the journey for yourself there and back really enjoyable, like listening to lots of your favourite tunes, perhaps stopping along the way for a nice bite to eat or take a little picnic.

When I used to visit my relative, I always had something to do for him when I got there. For instance I liked to get him a coffee or juice and and sit out in the sun or sit with him at the lunch table or just take a little safe walk into the social area. A gift is always nice too. It takes time to open something and then finding a spot for it.

When I planned something 'to do', it always made it much easier and happier for both of us. It didn't have to be much. He liked a certain kind of chocolate bar, so I would bring him some. Even sitting with him while he ate and enjoyed it was a good time for both of us (I ate one too ). It's the little things. It needn't be a long visit. She likely tires easily.

On the journey back you can listen to some tunes in the car and make it a little trip out of it for yourself. Maybe stop again along the way back home, take a look around at the sites. Make the day special for you too, not just your Grandma.

The other night I watched the movie: The Notebook. It was kind of beautiful in a way. Someday, maybe it will help you if to watch it, if you get a chance.

IS

thanks guys. I know that I need to go and spend time with her. Last time she thought I was my cousin Sarah and I didn't have the heart to tell her who I really was because she thought that Sarah drove 15 hours from South Carolina just to see her and she hasn't seen her in forever so she was extremely happy thinking that i was her.

I think it's just that once my grandpa died she kind of gave up on life. She says all the time how she's just ready to go and she wishes God would just take her now and I just hate seeing her like that. My grandparents used to live next door to us and I would spend every afternoon after school at their house so we were really close growing up.

Thanks for everyone's support. It's almost to the point where she's suffering everyday, she doesn't know who she is and she isn't happy and she wants to pass on now so it will almost be a relief when she does because that's what she's wanted for years now and she says all the time that she wishes God would take her from the Earth.

My friend is getting married in early August so I will be back home at least a couple more times this summer and hopefully I'll get a chance to see her then.

Thank you to everyone for your support.