Since parents died. my siblings and families treat me like
a child
siblings took possesions and send mean emails
I act like a child
I have aunts who tell me how to put make up on
and get over it- nosey alcoholic uncle who smile with beer on breath
and follows you to bank -I am by myself so I tookoff-no one else there
I send cards, gifts and never hear anything back
They treat me like **** and think they can tell me
what to do etc- all of this from siblings and relatives
has resulted in hurtfulness and recovery process from
deaths cannot begin
My parents did not treat me this way- and I have to
learn to say no thanks I will call you when I am better
I am trying to meet new friends and forget family
I have never done anything wrong to them- they insult
and gossip-putting me down
I have started today -I am not a child- I am angry at them
and have tried to keep distance
grief counselors told me to stay away from family-they know family
I am a grown woman-. any comments welcomed

[Capp]

Sunshine,
To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I can say to encourage you.
I offer my condolences on the passing of your parents.

It sounds like your grief counselors are wise in suggesting you stay away from these people who are hurting you--or keep them away from you.
Many times things like this happen after there is a death...family members become angry and bossy and selfish. I don't know if this is what is happening to you, but I'm very sorry for it.

Are you able to stay away from them? Can you give yourself enough time so you can grieve and start becoming more at peace?
It may be hard for you to do it, but perhaps it's the only way you will be able to stop them.

My best wishes,
Cap

[Pomegranate]

(((Sunshine)))

I agree with what Capp said to you. And I've seen in my own family how ugly people can start to behave after the death of another family member, often out of greed or jealousy.

Keep doing what you are doing! Take care of yourself, protect yourself from them, don't let them push you around or treat you like a child. Most important, go make those new friends, and when you find very special new friends, let them become your family. As others here have posted in different forums, just because someone is blood related does not defer on them the respect of "family." And many loving, supportive and concerned friends certainly will earn the title of family by you, by caring about you as your family should be doing.

I am able to stay away - I felly guilty not sending presents and not going to
holiday parites- but I shouldn"t
I am better staying away
I have started going different places so I won't run into them and I moved across town

[Sad In TX]

I don't understand why people are so hateful during such a dark time such as death. I'm so sorry for how your family is treating you, and I agree that the best thing to do is to stay away from them. Like the saying goes, "Misery loves company" and they seem to be making every effort to guilt you into something or simply make you feel bad. I think your silence will speak volumes that you will not be treated with such disrespect.
You lost your parents - what could be worse?

I think they treat you like crap because are hurting, but you are right in dealing with your grief in your own way. Being around destructive people doesn't help anyone, and one day you may have to confront them with this fact.
There is never a need to feel guilty about not seeing people who just make you feel bad. So yeah, stay way. Like I said, your silence will speak volumes.

[Capp]

Originally Posted by sunshineinthecity

I am able to stay away - I felly guilty not sending presents and not going to
holiday parites- but I shouldn"t
I am better staying away
I have started going different places so I won't run into them and I moved across town

It does make us feel guilty at first and then we realize we feel so much better not being around them.

Sunshine, you are not only dealing with the deaths of your parents, you are now dealing with mean-spirited people.
Two tremendously painful things...be as kind to yourself as you possibly can, please.

It's good that you have moved and very good that you are not going places where they will be.
It will get easier to do the more times you stay away and make a new life for yourself.

Please know that I think you are being courageous and determined, and I commend your efforts, Sunshine.

Peace and Power,
Cap

I hear about relative news and family news through emai from sibling-i email
back thaks for letting me no
mom might want me to-I am not sure

[Malady156]

Sunshine if you really want to get the flipping toxic poison of their crap OUT of your life, do TWO things.

(1) for all things social and emotional -- to get rid of their toxic garbage -- cut all contact. Yes, ALL contact.

• don't call them
• don't let them call you
• change your phone number
• don't email them
• don't let them email you
• block their emails, set up a filter to automatically delete without reading
• change your email address
• don't visit them
• don't permit them to visit you
• if this means moving, then move
• if this means changing your name, even, and your SSN, then do it.

(2) for all things LEGAL -- get yourself a good lawyer.

• reclaim the property they have taken that they have no right to
• if they refuse to leave you alone and keep phoning & emailing, take legal action
• if they refuse to stop visiting you, get a restraining order
• if they won't leave you alone but keep harassing you in ANY way, get a restraining order

START with this. And WORK WITH your attorney and your doctors (if you currently have T and/or p-doc for psych care?) to figure out both how to do these things, to make them work, and where to go from there.

No one will be coming to rescue you, unfortunately. You HAVE to act decisively and firmly -- NOW -- and stick to it.

How right you are
my sisinlaw is emailing me and mother's siters about mom's her cousin's funeral
I feel so bad for mom- sisinlaw got all the money , now sisiinlaw is acting like always in control and mean -she was mean to ma and i am glad for your suppport

I have been trying to do it for a few years and so I guess they won't be
asking much more- I have to keep to it- it is better for all