Introduction. Had sex with my therapist in Georgia

I told my therapist about my feelings for him and we started cuddling in paid sessions. Another time, we had a little fondling. Then during a night session he asked me if I'd like him to be my prostitute instead of therapist. I recoiled, said no, and cried. Odd, I know, but we hugged and scheduled the next session. I came in and lay with him on the couch for a really long time. He wanted to have time for therapy and the rest too, so he scheduled again -- but then, out of the blue, he called me leaving voicemails for three days asking me to come over and spend the night. I came over, urged him to go back to his ex for heaven's sake, he said that was unlikely to happen, and we had sex. The next day, he dumped me.

A week later, he asked me to come spend the night again.

And it went like that for a really long time. A few months of back and forth. Until it ended in on his request for no contact.

And so here I am now I'm at PsychCentral forums, crazy as ever.

I live in Atlanta and thought, how do i know if it was just me or if he does this to others? Was it exploitation, or just a one-time thing. I may have my doubts, but I can get proof if I talk to another local person who has had the same experience -- if we have the same guy, then we know for sure it was exploitation.

Anyone in the area, does your therapist:
-- make sexual jokes
-- comment on your clothes
-- bring up body image, although it wasn't what you came in for
-- tell you he wants to have sex with you
-- have sex with you

I'm all ears and happy to talk or just listen. You can e-mail me, too.

I have a friend who had sex with her t, and he dumped her. It is a very long story. The t even moved out of his house, planning to have a life with my friend.

Now, he won't even return e-mails or phone calls. She is devastated.

I've been in love with my t for 6 years and could write a book at what has transpired between us; we have a personal relationship as well as a professional one. He works really hard at keeping the boundaries (never has suggested sex), but is obviously very tempted. I am "afraid" that the incidence of client/therapist sex is widespread; I have done xtensive research on the subject. Matter of fact, my friend and I are writing a book regarding that subject. My t has said:"You are in my heart and in my head." "If I weren't married I would probably go for it." 100's of comments like that; he considers me a colleage. Things got almost out of hand last year, but he stopped. Feel free to privately e-mail me here or: wacalice@aol.com

P.S. Yes, what he is doing is exploitive. It is illegal and unethical. He must know that. A good book, is "Sex in the Forbidden Zone by peter Rutter.

Occ -

I just sent you a private email to your account thru this board - please take a minute and check it when you can.

openmind

Hi
You recoiled because you felt, instinctively, that what he was suggesting was wrong. So, it's not odd at all that you said no, and cried. He was asking to change the nature of the relationship to something ethically wrong, and you reacted to that in the normal way.

Like Sharon said, you don't need to find if someone else has this experience with him to know if he's exploiting you - doing it with you is exploitative.
It's unethical/exploitative for a therapist or cardiologist or nurse (etc) with a patient.
It's unethical/exploitative for a teacher or a coach with a student.
It's unethical/exploitative for a boss with a subordinate.
It's unethical/exploitative for a minister and member of the congregation (in the denominations I'm aware of a sexual relationship outside marriage is not OK).

You can report him if you wish.
But most important is to get help for yourself, beyond the support you get here. A new therapist - a woman who offers trauma-informed treatment, help for survivors of sex assaults (even if you consented, he abused his emotional control over you from the therapy to get your consent).
It's not your fault that this happened; what he did was wrong and he knew it when he started, the first time he crossed the line.
He cannot stand himself, nor stand to see you, because of his guilt and shame.
Sorry for you and your pain

He sounds dangerous/and or psychotic, mentally ill or just whacked out to say.....if you wanted him to be a "prostitute instead of a therapist." There are crazy therapists out there, and it sounds as if you have one. I will bet you aren't the first he has said this bizarre stuff to. You can contact the board to see if he has any complaints filed against him, or had his license suspended, etc., etc.....I doubt he feels guilt or shame....why? Because he has probably done it before and will do it again, unless he is stopped.

For God''s sake...report him to the police. He most likely is doing this to someone else right now or has in the past. You can stop him. He has used his authority and position to take advantage of you when you were weak and vulnerable. What he did was abhorrent. What he did was, in effect, rape. There is no way you could have consented with a clear mind. The fact that he was your therapist prevents that. Please, please, please report him to the police.

If you want therapy, you aren't getting it. I would leave the situation and person and try to get my life back on track and find a different therapist. This man doesn't appear to be reliable in his vocation so I kind of doubt he's reliable in anything else I might have hopes for getting from him. A therapist's life with you is 100% therapy and being a therapist and this one flunked.

i had a doctor engage me in phone sex and try to get me to come back to his office and see him under the guise of being "worried about me" - 3 weeks after that phone sex episode, i couldnt stand the guilt i was feeling and i overdosed and almost died - (would have died if a friend who i had called to apologize for being a bad friend to him in the past hadnt called my parents to check on me)

i agree with every one who has posted here - it was not your fault - he was overstepping his moral and ethical bounds - i found out later when i looked up this doctor's license that he lost his license in another state and is on permanent probation here in this state - if i had had the strength to report him - like my therapist had recommended - he would probably not be able to practice anymore.

but i blamed myself - dont blame yourself, dont let that creep make anyone else hurt the way he has hurt you

Thank you so much for being brave enough to talk to us about this - now please be brave for the other women he might abuse.......................

This is absolutley shocking!!

Then the fact that he DUMPED you on top of it!!

No offence, but they say when a therapist wishes for a sexual relationship with a client, the client should look elsewhere.

I honestly think you should report him to the authorities as soon as possible! It seemed as if you were willing just a bit to sleep with him (my opinion) but think: there might be clients before/ after you that have/will be raped by him if he isn't turned in.

My deepist apologies that this happened.

(Webber)Erik

Occipital, I'm sorry for what your therapist did to you. I've been through it myself and it sucks. It's exploitive physically, emotionally, and financially.

Thanks. It has been traumatizing, to say the least, and I'm seeing a new T. I just hope I can heal.

Also, if anyone is in GA and had something similar happen... please get in touch

once when I was in therapy I had a p making me feel really uncomfortable. the way he would touch my back and look at me. found out many years later he lost his license because he had sex with his clients. this was in Ga

Dear Occipital,

I am so sorry that your former T exploited you and caused great harm. I hope that you will consider doing everything within your power so that this creep (that's being nice) won't ever be in a position to abuse another woman.

After a little digging, I found this link which I thought might be helpful to you. It is my hope that you never find yourself in a position where you start questioning yourself. Your T is legally and ethically bound to never cross this type of boundary. Would you ever expect your doctor to cross your bounderies? Therapists, whether they hold a Master's degree or hold a Ph.D., have a fiduciary responsibility to their patients. When the therapist-patient relationship has been violated in this manner, criminal and civil law are applicable.

http://www.therapyabuse.org/index.htm

I wish you all the best in your healing. Action is sometimes the only thing that brings us ultimate closure. Hugs, Laurie

Occipital,

A good website with a lot of people who understand what you're going through is:

http://www.advocateweb.org/index.php

Totally unethical. You are a vulnerable person and this chap used that against you. That is screwing with your mind, and it is totally unacceptable. I would report him. he could pick on someone far more vulnerable than you.

yes I thought it was very interrsting to hear this. What kind of romantic feelings werer you having . And if you were turned down what would that have done to your phsyche? I am just curious. I have asimilar situation that I posted yesterday at my . I have known a female for quite sometime who is a therapist and I have romatic feelings for her. I am a amle. She has been very professional about things but I find it hard to resist letting her know whta's up. I think she is fantasitisc and I do feel she repects me as well

There is no shortage of abusive therapists. If you did indeed have sex with your therapist, your therapist was violating a paramount rule . After reading some of these posts it is clear that few patients know what transference is and many therapists exploit the ignorance of their patients.

Hi my name is Teresa I have just been reading about you and your therapist and it got me thinking about some of the things my therapist has said to me and was hoping you can give me some advice?I have been seeing my older male therapist for nearly a year I have ocd caused by child trauma.Not anything sexual l,.I have mentioned to him how I feel more comfortable hugging my friends He said"Do you think you will ever hug me-then said "Only joking". I also told him how insecure I feel about the way I look He said "I think your gorgeous" . I never responded ,I then told him about a dream I had that I was sitting on his lap with my arms around him trying to protect him, He said its the sitting on the lap I would,nt mind".Again i told him about a dream I had that I was sitting in my underwear he said "you in your underwear thats A nice thought" this is my first time in therapy and just thought he was trying to give me a confidence boost. I would be interested on your thoughts about this,hope to hear from you soon Teresa.

Hi, Teresa. I'm sorry your therapist has been saying things that have caused you discomfort. Generally if you are feeling uncomfortable, this is something to listen to.

This is a very inappropriate comment. From what you've written he has made several comments that are inappropriate. Therapy is supposed to be a safe place for you. How are you feeling about this? I am concerned.

Occipital,

I am glad for your sake that you no longer have contact with him. What he did to you was abusive mentally, emaotionally and sexually. It goes against everything therapy is about!
You should have been able to express your feelings for him and talk about it, as many clients do with their therapists but what he did was to use this to meet his own needs.

He can and would be sacked and stricken off as a therapist if you reported this to the counselling body he is registered with - i think this is really what you should do!
In the relationship he has to be the rational one to make the right decisons - he didnt do that. He sought you out.

Its almost like a parent abusing their child, no matter what the child does the parent has to be the one to make sure the child is safe. You dont need anyone elses case to prove what happened was abuse - it was.

Even if you went into your session naked and asked him for sex - it is his ethical, moral and professional duty to say no and to make sure you are safe. There is no doubt on this

I am so sorry you had to experience this! he deserves to be reported!

OMGOOD LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is crazy! So, I'm curious as to why he was 'cuddling' in therapy? I understand the comfort, but i have never heard of that before.

I would report him! It's NOT your fault and he needs to be reported.

Yes, you should report him; it's harassment. I've researched sociopaths extensively and many of them end up in the "helping" professions to exploit vulnerable women. Move on. Maybe you developed too close an attachment need for his approval, and he exploited that...very unethical. He needs help.

please report him. he could be hurting others