[Elley]

I don't know what to do. I still think about my therapist all the time even though I haven't seen him for 6 months. He referred me to someone else for a few months which was fine, but I haven't forgotten him and I never will. I just feel so lonely, I don't know how anyone will replace him. Anytime I read in the news that there's been some car accident or something I worry that it's him. I hate the idea that he most likely doesn't think about me at all. I can't get a job at the moment so I don't have anything to distract me, I just want to get on with life but I can't.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Elley

I don't know what to do. I still think about my therapist all the time even though I haven't seen him for 6 months. He referred me to someone else for a few months which was fine, but I haven't forgotten him and I never will. I just feel so lonely, I don't know how anyone will replace him. Anytime I read in the news that there's been some car accident or something I worry that it's him. I hate the idea that he most likely doesn't think about me at all. I can't get a job at the moment so I don't have anything to distract me, I just want to get on with life but I can't.

I have heard, that the old way a woman can let go of a man she has loved is to fall in love with someone else.

[Elizabeth Connor]

Originally Posted by Elley

I don't know what to do. I still think about my therapist all the time even though I haven't seen him for 6 months. He referred me to someone else for a few months which was fine, but I haven't forgotten him and I never will. I just feel so lonely, I don't know how anyone will replace him. Anytime I read in the news that there's been some car accident or something I worry that it's him. I hate the idea that he most likely doesn't think about me at all. I can't get a job at the moment so I don't have anything to distract me, I just want to get on with life but I can't.

Try to separate the missing feeling from who you are missing (take the therapist connection out of it). Put him on the same level as someone else from your past who you had to say goodbye to and then see how it goes.

[allme]

do you talk about this with your new therapist?

[Marie123]

I won't be of much help. Feelings are real; we cannot replace loving someone with loving someone else.

In love with my t for 7 years; the feelings haven't changed.

[mommyof2girls]

I can relate ..... I constantly think about my ex t all the time..... A day doesn't go by where I don't think of him.....

[Elley]

So sorry I haven't acknowledged these replies until now, I really appreciate them. It's nice to know other people feel the same. x

[Trippin2.0]

Question. Sorry if I come across as inane, but are you guys genuinly INLOVE with your T's or enamoured/infatuated? Or are you inlove with the idea of your T? I'm asking b.c I know for a fact that you cannot really be inlove with someone without knowing them on a personal level, 'love' afterall is a very strong word, so were these feelings developed outside of therapy? Sorry if my questions offend anybody, I assure you that's not my intention at all. I'm just asking for clarity in order to understand where you are coming from...

Sorry you're missing your old T tho, that must suck.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Question. Sorry if I come across as inane, but are you guys genuinly INLOVE with your T's or enamoured/infatuated? Or are you inlove with the idea of your T? I'm asking b.c I know for a fact that you cannot really be inlove with someone without knowing them on a personal level, 'love' afterall is a very strong word, so were these feelings developed outside of therapy? Sorry if my questions offend anybody, I assure you that's not my intention at all. I'm just asking for clarity in order to understand where you are coming from...

Sorry you're missing your old T tho, that must suck.

I miss my therapist. Although I am male haven't noticed another male on here in the same situation

My T has been gone for six months and I still miss her. And I would describe my feelings as being love. My T volunteered for a local charity and so I didn't have to pay her a single penny (although I offered to) and that probably helped me develop more of a connection - more of a feeling that she cared. She was the same age as me and the most beautiful woman that I've ever seen. I suffer from social anxiety and she was the perfect person for the job. I can't remember her once not saying the perfect thing and she was very softly spoken which made me feel at ease. She left because of personal problems and I wished her all the best and told her that I love her. I will never find anybody who means the same to me as she did.

[kranial kompost]

It is not unusual to fall for your T. When you think about it, your T may be one of the very few that understands your feelings and nearly always make your feel better after every session. He or she may even become your soul mate because you devulged your entire life to him or her. But remember, that is what a good T. does for many of their clients. All you need to do is get better and appreciate your Ts. work.

[Elley]

It's not really as simple as that for me, a lot of the time I hate him as well and feel furious with him. It's really messy. But I feel like after 6 months I really should get over this, I hope it happens soon.

[shipping]

I'm glad Trippin2.0 asked that question. It is good because it shows Trip wants to learn; it was not offensive, and it gives us a chance to think to ourselves: hmm...yeah...is this really "in love"? If so, why? It is a great topic for those of us in love with T's to explore.

In my case, I think I am in love. It is not from outside therapy. Love is a huge and powerful feeling, and it makes people feel good. I am not a scientist, but I am pretty sure people get endorphins from being "in love" and we need to practice experiencing good feelings. We are not used to good feelings; it is a strange thing. The more we can get used to good feelings, we will gradually be happier people. So being in love, with T or anybody, is good for us.

Also, my T is teaching me to love myself. I can see that she admires me and likes me (except when I get paranoid) and it is natural to fall in love with someone who brings us joy and shows us that we are loveable. I don't think I have explained it well, but it was a try.

[dazeofdolphins]

I truly love my therapist and have for our 10 years of work together. We talk about it very openly, even the "what if's". We both know it can't go anywhere so it makes it safe to really explore my feelings and his countertransference, which is powerful. Have you watched the first season of "In Treatment" ? I highly recommend it for you right now as it explores this very issue. At the end of the series you will understand why therapists should never reciprocate. It might help you to re-define your feelings, which are very normal and common.

[nannypat]

I have found that there is a big difference between loving your T and being in love with your T. I truly loved my T and lost him suddenly after 20 yrs. It hurt bad, and sometimes still does ( 3 yrs. later ). I have a new T who is wonderful also and has helped me through this and felt that, yes, their is a big difference and that two people who work together for so long do develop a love between them. My old T used to tell me he loved me, but it was the same kind of love I had for him, not romantic or sexual. Just love.

[SoupDragon]

Wow - reading these is a little freaky - does it mean that my T is going to be stuck in my head forever -

Originally Posted by Elley

I don't know what to do. I still think about my therapist all the time even though I haven't seen him for 6 months. He referred me to someone else for a few months which was fine, but I haven't forgotten him and I never will. I just feel so lonely, I don't know how anyone will replace him. Anytime I read in the news that there's been some car accident or something I worry that it's him. I hate the idea that he most likely doesn't think about me at all. I can't get a job at the moment so I don't have anything to distract me, I just want to get on with life but I can't.

Are you sure he didn't send you to another therapist because of this infatuation / obsession you've got with him? ... Of course, I'm not an expert or anything, but it certainly isn't healthy, and continuing to indulge in it is sabotaging not only your own healing process but anyone else who may be trying to help you as well ... At any rate ... For what it's worth ... And all that jazz ...

...

Sincerely,
BC