Abused by therarapist and dont know how to deal my feelings

LizzieVale · Feb 17, 2014, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

If you go on the TELL website there is a huge list of books that will help. If you contact them you will get amazing support and understanding (I did)

Thanks nicoleflynn,

Do you have the link handy? Tried Google but nothing comes up?

CrimsonBlues · Feb 17, 2014, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizzieVale

Thanks nicoleflynn,

Do you have the link handy? Tried Google but nothing comes up?

Hello LizzieVale-

I can't access the link right now to provide for you but if you type in 'therapy abuse' and 'TELL' the site should come up.
I am so sorry about the abuse that you endured. I am still trying to recover from my experiences. I think TELL is a good place for support, as is this forum. Please don't hesitate to message me if you ever want to talk about this or anything else. I wish you peace and happiness.

doyoutrustme · Feb 17, 2014, 08:37 AM

Tamec. He's actually more on the young side. I hope its a sign that psychiatrists are starting to shift back a bit. I mean, who wants to kill themselves in medical school to essentially be a pill pusher? It's sad, there is so much more to healing the mind than that.

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tametc · Feb 17, 2014, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

Tamec. He's actually more on the young side. I hope its a sign that psychiatrists are starting to shift back a bit. I mean, who wants to kill themselves in medical school to essentially be a pill pusher? It's sad, there is so much more to healing the mind than that.

Sent from my HTCEVODesign4G using Tapatalk

Thanks for this. I hope it's a positive sign, too. I know in general there is a better emphasis on patient-centered care in med school than there used to be. The pdoc I see started out as a pharmacist, then went to school to become a D.O. (osteopath). He is probably in his early to mid-40's, and he works through my county human services. He has scheduled a little extra time for me these past 6 months, because he knows I am going through a transition and grieving. I like him and I think he's a good, compassionate listener. He might make a good T, but he is limited in his availability and in his role with the county.

tametc · Feb 17, 2014, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizzieVale

What exactly is a pdoc ?

Have never heard of this term in Australia.

Pdoc is short for psychiatrist.

tametc · Feb 17, 2014, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizzieVale

In this this next statement Im trying to work out if this is that what i did? What exactly is "dissociating"?

"After any sexual contact, I usually felt spaced out and “floaty.” At the time, I simply thought I was “blissed out” on our lovemaking. It never occurred to me I might be dissociating. My out-of-body state masked any feelings of pain, discomfort, or distress so that everything looked perfectly rosy.

I could try to give you lots of info on dissociation, but I think you might find it best to google "dissociation". There are many different aspects, and not all apply to every person. It can range from mild daydreaming, to feeling disconnected from your body, things around you feeling unreal, and many other symptoms. If you read up on it, I'm sure you'll start to understand it more, and may be able to relate to some of it.

Keep posting. We're here for you.

P.S. Have you thought about telling your current therapist that you need more help from him in dealing with your emotions about this? If you aren't easily able to switch therapists, it might be productive to let this one know what you need more of.

Topiarysurvivor · Feb 17, 2014, 04:03 PM

Here you go - it took me a long time to email them, but I'm very glad I did. TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

LizzieVale · Feb 17, 2014, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Topiarysurvivor

Here you go - it took me a long time to email them, but I'm very glad I did. TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

Awww thank you for going yo so much trouble for me Topiarysurvivor hugs xx
It's comforting to know that somewhere in the world someone care and genuinely wants to help. Blessings to you xx

CrimsonBlues · Feb 18, 2014, 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrimsonBlues

Hello LizzieVale-

I can't access the link right now to provide for you but if you type in 'therapy abuse' and 'TELL' the site should come up.
I am so sorry about the abuse that you endured. I am still trying to recover from my experiences. I think TELL is a good place for support, as is this forum. Please don't hesitate to message me if you ever want to talk about this or anything else. I wish you peace and happiness.

Sorry for my post-I wish I had more useful things to say.

LizzieVale · Feb 18, 2014, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrimsonBlues

Sorry for my post-I wish I had more useful things to say.

Gosh nooooo CrimsonBlues, please dont ever apologise. You dont realise just how much you and everyone else on this forum help just by being here and understanding the feelings that im going through.
It is me that should be thanking you for allowing me post without fear nor judgement

LizzieVale · Feb 18, 2014, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tametc

Keep posting. We're here for you.

P.S. Have you thought about telling your current therapist that you need more help from him in dealing with your emotions about this? If you aren't easily able to switch therapists, it might be productive to let this one know what you need more of.

Thank you tametc,

I had an appointment to see my therapist today and explained exactly how i feel. I think he understands what im feeling. In hindsight I think I expected much more from him than is appropriate to expect from a therapist. I compared him to my former therapist and felt that he wasn't meeting my needs. By my needs I dont mean that i expected sex from him. Just the thought of becoming intimate with anyone now fills me with repulsion and fear.

My former therapist in many ways treated me like a child. He used to think for me, he used to solve my problems, he made me feel safe and protected from the real world. Unknowingly I became increasingly dependent upon him. If he wasn't able to see me I would panic and and stress about how i was going to cope without him. I couldn't imagine my life without him.

I was his patient for 20 years and during those 20 years emotionally I stopped growing. Emotionally I'm 20 years younger than my true biological age. I now realise that I need to take responsible for my own life and that no one else can do it for me.

Thank you for listening x

LizzieVale · Feb 18, 2014, 05:43 PM

http://http://omgrey.wordpress.com/2011/05/18/breaking-the-betrayal-bon

This seems like a fairly accurate account of what happened. However it left me feeling physically sick to the core of my being. I couldnt read it all but the little that I did read bought up intense feelings of panic and anxiety and has left a gut wrenching pain to my stomach . I felt as though i was reliving the entire sick situation. Maybe im not ready to delve deeply into what happened just yet?
Finding this all so extremely overwhelming and triggering. Is it normal to feel this way? Would reading these types of books help me to begin the healing process? I want to leave the past behind me and make a new start in my life x

LizzieVale · Feb 18, 2014, 05:47 PM

Breaking the Betrayal Bond | Caught in the Cogs

Does this link work?

LizzieVale · Feb 19, 2014, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizzieVale

Awww thank you for going yo so much trouble for me Topiarysurvivor hugs xx
It's comforting to know that somewhere in the world someone care and genuinely wants to help. Blessings to you xx

Quote:

Originally Posted by Topiarysurvivor

Here you go - it took me a long time to email them, but I'm very glad I did. TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

I've logged into the TELL website. This is the message that i see below:

All of these papers are the express property of their authors and are used with permission. We ask that you not reproduce or distribute them without first seeking and receiving permission to do so. For permissions, please contact: jan1075@gmail.com""

Do i email jan and what exactly do i write?

Thanks for any help xx

missbella · Feb 19, 2014, 01:23 PM

Lizzie, my exploitation was emotional rather than sexual, yet it was a gradual process to understand it.

I'm so happy you were able to share this with your husband and receive his understanding and support.

My biggest step was to demote my therapists (they were a team) as authority figures and see them as merely people with their own selfish needs, who graduated school and hung out a shingle claiming the power to help people in distress. Over time they began to believe their own publicity and believed anything they did, or invented, or the mere association with them was magical and healing. In other words, they were highly deluded people wore the cloak of professionals and healers. Understanding them essentially was like pulling back the curtain on the Wizard of Oz.

I also found conversations with TELL responders my best resource. some therapists can be uncomfortable with the abuse issue themselves. In addition to reading about abuse in therapy, I also read about cults and mind control, other instances were one person exerts harmful influence over another. In the case of sexual abuse, resources for those abused by clergy and other authority figures might also be relevant.

A blogger named Kristi also offers extensive resources.
Surviving Therapist Abuse - About

Another website, Lynette's Law, offers resources and lobbies to make sexual exploitation by therapist a crime in more states:
Lynette's Law for Maryland

I also had an extremely positive experience email TELL and corresponding with them. . They've been in operation for decades and their founder was herself victim to abuse. Wishing you peace and ease in getting through this.

Here are the links I have from TELL that seem to work. I think they will get you to books, stories and more scholarly papers. Others report the conflicts you talk about.
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line
Stories
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line
More scholarly papers:
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line
More book lists:
Lynette's Law reading list:
» Books Lynette's Law for Maryland
Kristi's reading list:
Books & Media for Therapist Abuse, Clergy Abuse, Professional Misconduct

LizzieVale · Feb 21, 2014, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizzieVale

Thank you for all the feedback everyone.
Today I have come to a realisation that nothing in life is mearly black and white, there are shades of grey in every situation in our lives. You just need to be able to dissect the good parts from the bad parts. Hold onto the good parts and throw the bad bits out with the garbage. I could choose to come away from this experience feeling like a victim but i choose not to. We choose to do things in life because at the time its what we need. At that point of my life it was what i needed. I needed to know if i was a normal sexually functioning woman.

My husband and I had not been intimate for so many years due to his medical problem. I had to know for my own peace of mind if i was a "normal" woman. After spending years and years of worrying and douting myself it was a massive relief to discover that yes i am normal!!!!! My husband never told tell me that due to his surgery that he would have problems with maintaining an erection. It was only by chance that i found this was the case. For all those years my husband led me to believe that the sexual disfunction in our relationship was all my fault and that there was something wrong with me! I needed to know the truth! I needed to prove to myself whether my husband was right in blaming me for the lack of sex in our relationship. To my surprise I discovered that i was perfectly normal. OMG what a huge revelation that was to me. I needed to know the truth and it does not matter who provided me with that knowledge. The way I see things is that what would be worse? Having to live the rest of my life thinking and wondering if i was to blame for our sexual problems? Or would i prefer to know that it wasnt me and that I was perfectly normal woman? I know which i prefer even though it means going through some pain and heartache now. I now look at the pain and the confusion as a trade-off for what i ultimately needed to know.

Yes, Im having to deal with the fall-out of the situation but he too has to live with the consequences of his actions. He has been de-registered as ever being able to practice again and is looking at the possibilty of spending time in prison for his actions.

To summarise....at the end of the day we both got what we wanted.
I dont regret what i did for a moment. Im sure that some of you will judge me. Everyone is entitled to there own opinion. However unless you have walked in my shoe you cannot judge me..... In my heart of hearts I now know that what i did was right for me and am now finally at peace with myself and ready to heal and move forward in my life ....

The above is a previous posting which I posted on this forum on the 10th May 2013. I wish to make it clear that i NO longer feel this way whatsoever toward my former therapist. I wish my former therapist to burn in hell for the pain and suffering he has caused to myself and to many other innocent women who trusted him.

LizzieVale · Oct 06, 2014, 09:20 PM

Just keeping everyone updated regarding my situation

I mentioned in an earlier post in February 2014 that I told my husband everything regarding my therapist's abuse. At the time he told me that he loved me and would stand by me and support me and that nothing had changed between us both.

Its now October 2014. Four weeks ago my "darling" husband of 20 years of marriage told me that he is filing for a divorce.

So much for telling the truth

Partless · Oct 06, 2014, 09:34 PM

I'm sorry to hear this. My first time coming across this thread but just looking at this page and this is awful. Hang in there...

LizzieVale · Oct 06, 2014, 09:40 PM

Thank you Partless

Lauliza · Oct 06, 2014, 10:07 PM

This is also my first time reading this thread and you've been through a lot- I'm very sorry. I hope things get better for you soon.

LizzieVale · Oct 07, 2014, 08:24 AM

Thank you and blessings to you Lauliza xx

bipolar angel · 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizzieVale

Just keeping everyone updated regarding my situation

I mentioned in an earlier post in February 2014 that I told my husband everything regarding my therapist's abuse. At the time he told me that he loved me and would stand by me and support me and that nothing had changed between us both.

Its now October 2014. Four weeks ago my "darling" husband of 20 years of marriage told me that he is filing for a divorce.

So much for telling the truth

Today was my first time finding this thread, you have been through so much, sending hugs and well wishes that you can through all of this. I do think telling truth eas best-when I read the early parts, it seemed they were investigating the therapist. I think it would have been much worse for your husband to hear it from someone else. Even though it stinks that uou now have to go through a diborce, whn you could really use support.I am not judging you in any way-maybe your husband is using this situation as excuse to divorce you??-I say that because somewhere you mentioned him letting you think the sexual problems were all your fault...whatevet the reasons, I am sorry you now also have emotional upset of divorce. Hang in there.

precaryous · Oct 07, 2014, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizzieVale

Thank you and blessings to you Lauliza xx

This is the first time ve seen this thread, too.

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I hate that this happened to you.

My Pdoc had sex with me, too. I could have written your first post on this thread.

The abuse happened back in the 90's. I filed medical board and civil complaints. Criminal charges were considered.

It appears I'm farther along in the process than you....maybe I can help or just listen to what you have to say. If you need to talk about what you are going through, please PM me.

nicoleflynn · Oct 07, 2014, 02:31 PM

So, now you have been betrayed twice. How horrible. I am so sorry.

NowhereUSA · Oct 08, 2014, 01:00 PM

This was my first time reading this thread...

i'm sorry

i'm sorry for what your t did to you. i can't imagine trusting a t that long only to have him groom and use you. i've seen my t for 5 years and there are many times i'm grateful he's ethical because i realize how vulnerable i've been with him and how he could use that against me for his own satisfaction.

i'm also sorry to hear about your husband. i don't think many people understand the strange dynamic of therapy. it's taken me a long while to realize that he really does have power over me and that's really through reading on this board and realizing the experiences people have gone through

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Abused by therarapist and dont know how to deal my feelings

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