You know you have erotic transference when..

When t says "You're glowing!" and you want to say DUH! I'm here with you!

You initiate sex with your spouse on a daily (or more frequently) basis so you can fantasize about having sex with T.

that is, fantasize, while having sex with said spouse, about having sex with T.

When...

1. You make sure your make up is flawless
2. You give too much eye contact
3. You stalk their facebook
4. You purposely mention sexual problems

1. Guess I wasn't in deep enough because by the time I get there at 7 pm after a full day of work (and now school ) I could not even be so bothered to think about the fright I must look like.

2. I can barely look him in the eye during session unless he's talking to me. Otherwise I'm intently focused on his copy of the DSM on his bookcase.

3. Can't find it lol.

4. This has come up.

Saw him yesterday after 2 weeks and sent him an email telling him about my crush on him. I emailed him because I felt that revealing the whole transference thing was relevant in light of that day's session and while I really wanted to get that out there for therapeutic reasons there was NO WAY IN HELL I could broach the subject while sitting there in front of him. Now HE gets to be the uncomfortable one to bring it up lol. I'm sure he'll be fine and I'll continue to learn the books on the bookshelf.

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You notice people who look like T

T tells you about a local event, in which he played an integral role, that was filmed and the film is now on YouTube. You watch it ...again ... and again ... and again ... and AGAIN...

OK. Remember when I said I don't look at him sexually?

I just woke up from a dream. Before I laid down for my nap I had checcked with him to see if I could be worked in today. I called out and thought while all of this was on my mind if he could work me in I'd go. But he couldn't. He thanked me for my "letter." I had emailed him about some stuff from last session AND my feelings of transference making sure to mention that I did not want to jump his bones. I think that's what made admitting it easier. That I could say that for all these feelings I'm not looking at you this way. Well THAT went out the window!

You know how dreams get all confusing. Weirdness that makes no sense. There was plenty of that but I'm going to go on to the stuff that DOES.

He comes to my house. Maybe checking in on me? I don't remember. I know we were sitting on my couch, in my apartment (neither of those reflecting where I actually live).

He doesn't LOOK like him at least not at first. He looks younger and Asian. Don't particularly have a thing for Asian guys so if he wasn't going to look like him I don't know why that happened.

Also I'm running around the house DOING stuff and he's talking to me, keeping up. At one point he had leaned in kind of close and said, "I feel the same way." I hadn't said anything so that HAD to be a reference to my email. But since it wasn't crystal clear and it freaked me out I figured I'd just ignore it.

One time as I got up off my couch I realized I was in my underwear. If I have no company at home there's a very good chance I'll be in my underwear and a t-shirt. Noticing it sort of freaked me out, but I didn't want to SEEM perturbed so I just stayed that way.

Later we're sitting on the couch again and he leans over and kisses me and I kiss him back. Not as perfect as I would like a kiss to be (go figure and here we are in a dream), but decent.

At some point I know I start crying. I'm crying in one way because it feels like I want it, crying in another way because I know if I go there it will mess up my relationship with a guy who is in a position to help me and crying also because he went there and would put me in this position. I honestly just didn't know what to do.

Then there's some lunacy of him hiding my couch. (It needed to be moved for emergency personnel and he put it on the back porch to get it out of the way.) Thing is when I'm looking for it, for the longest time he didn't tell me he moved it. I was trying to figure out who would STEAL my couch and why.

The closest I had done to anything is we were coming back from somewhere and I rested my head on his shoulder as we walked. There was, as there always is, a comfort being around him.

Now we're in a bedroom. Could be mine, but I have a feeling it's his. We're kissing and it's better now. That kind of kissing that when you let go for a second you're gasping for air. He's pushing up against me and now HE has no pants on. And no underwear either. I reach down and grab him. OMG! Bigger than anything I have seen in real life and I have seen MANY in my promiscuous days! He stops kissing me and looks at me with a look of surprise. One eyebrow up and he says, "Already?" I answered no, not yet and then my telephone rang in real life waking me up.

The craziness was crazy. Even his FAMILY showing up unannounced. Some cousin was recently deceased in some incident at sea - just all sorts of weirdness.

The crux of my email, which I DID happen to re-read before my nap, was about how while I LIKE the nice things he says to me, they hurt because I DON'T BELIEVE HIM and yet I want to. And by nice I mean anything from telling me I'm intelligent and interesting (I pretty much believe those and yet feel it isn't enough) to telling me "Thank you for the letter" which would imply it was somehow important to him and I don't believe that.

Just WOW! The FEELINGS were crazy. WHAT ARE WE DOING?!? What am I doing? If I do this who will be my unbiased, always on my side person to talk to?

Anyway, feel free to chime in on this one. I'm going to go and try to process this some more.

Ykyhetw

T is wearing black tights and a short skirt, and you notice Ts thighs are a leeetle bit squidgy at the top like yours. And then you think about that again. And again. And....

When you have your SECOND erotic dream about your therapist....

Nice. I would love to have an erotic dream about my T...

T casually mentions a business he has an interest in and you are indignant and jealous - "you mean there's a detail about you I don't know??? And that detail does not fit in with my carefully crafted fantasy of you??!!! How dare you!!"

You turn your mind to a sneaky little fantasy about T on the drive home from work, - and realise you're home, forty minutes later, and it's all you thought about

You saw your T wear a slightly lower cut top one time, and ever since then you hope she'll be wearing it again.

My t wore some nice pants that hugged his package really nice! Plus he started wearing colorful socks which shows his fun side! 😊

You buy some new underwear, and imagine showing it to T. And what underwear she might be wearing. And if you can have a session where you just wear underwear. And then you feel a bit hot

You return from therapy and lie in bed at home and T is in bed with you. Then you hug and kiss her and you feel happy.

at the end of your session you book your next appointment, which will not be for several weeks, and once you are safely away from his office you break down and cry because you won't be seeing him again until that appointment.

(you also find out during that session that his sobriety date is within DAYS of yours - albeit many many years earlier - once again, more evidence that you and T should be together...)

You check T's Facebook and the new profile pic 1) confirms your private suspicion that they were taking a vacation - even though T didn't volunteer this info and 2) you knew generally where it would be because you recall past convos at this time of year about previous trips and 3) and the new image just makes you melt from all the cute and happiness just in that 1" square.

But now I wish she would have said, "Yeah, I'm going on vacation" so I could wish her a good trip - like normal people do, but boundaries or whatever, okay fine.

....aaaaand then you realize this image wss uploaded months ago and you're completely reading into it.

you spend most of your day imagining what Ts sex face looks like.

or worse you sit in session imaging what Ts sex face looks like.

Been there!

How can they NOT know with that stupid weird smirk on your face.

You know you have erotic transference when...

...you read all of the spectacular posts in this thread and "naughty" thoughts about my same-sex, older t come gushing into my head. Oh my!