[WrkNPrgress]

Have you ever run into your therapist or seen him/her out in public somewhere and what was your interaction like —if any?

I had a friend who ran into his therapist outside of the office and said he was really disappointed with how indifferent she was too him. She wasn't very friendly at all when he said hello to her. He was a bit upset. Later she explained that she doesn't engage with her clients outside of the office for their own sake and privacy. He didn't really buy that. He felt slighted.

My friends who work in the field talk about how it can be awkward to run into their clients sometimes, if only for the fact that they need to respect the client's privacy and keep their own boundaries as well. My friend explained that a therapist usually won't initiate any interaction with a client because what if they don't want anyone else around to know they're even in therapy? (It would put the client in an awkward position if they're happened to be there with a friend, co-worker, family member, or possibly have mutual connections, etc.) So it makes sense that a T would never approach or acknowledge a client unless the client acknowledged them first. It also makes sense that the T wants to keep their own life separate from work. They have their own lives and can't be 'on' for other people 24 hours a day.

When I saw mine at a coffee shop one day, I wasn't going to bother her—for all the above reasons—and was a bit nervous about what would happen. I had the same internal response I used to have when I saw my school teachers out in public. and thought back to my friend who had a bad experience. I didn't want to be disillusioned.

We ended up crossing paths anyway. She was very cool and asked how I was doing, and it was a nice but awkward exchange only because I felt a bit awkward. I kinda froze and couldn't really chat about much. I wish I had it a bit more together to engage in better polite conversation but I'm horrible at small talk.

I also have a bit of a crush on her, so there's that. But I was sooooo secretly thrilled to catch a glimpse of her real life, 'off the clock' persona as it were, and happy she was hanging out in my neighborhood. I thought about it all week but of course when I got into session with her, it never came up. It was no big deal really.

[Tearinyourhand]

I once saw T drunkenly hanging all over a really cute reeeeeeally young guy at Pride. It was so shocking. He was married to a woman! I'm not a prude (I'm bi/female myself) but it was so unexpected. I couldn't go back. I felt too weird.

[Soccer mom]

My T. and I see each other every once in awhile because we live in a small town. Sometimes I talk to her and sometimes I don't but I think she waits for me to initiate. We could claim to know each other through another business so I'm not too worried. I see her husband more than I see her. Sometimes it's awkward and sometimes it's not a big deal.

[WrkNPrgress]

(BTW: Mods, it occurs to me that this thread doesn't necessarily have to be limited under the "romantic feelings" category.

If you want to move it to the general Psychotherapy forum that would be swell.)

[JustShakey]

I've never met either of my Ts in real life. I think I'd be very anxious and keep my distance if I did though. I'm very sensitive to any slight from him and I just wouldn't want to place myself in that position. Plus I'd just be straight embarrassed about potentially overstepping boundaries. And whatever happened I'm pretty sure I'd wind up feeling like a fool. I guess I just really don't want to run into my T anywhere...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I haven't seen him yet but I think about it all the time when I'm out of the house. We live in quite a sparsely populated area so there's every chance we could bump into each other at some point.
I am constantly working out what I would say and how I would act. I also look out for the type of car he drives and look in to see if it's him.

[Ford Puma]

Seen her in a coffee shop while I was buying a news paper. That happened about 2 times. The first time she was a bit embarrassed so dived in to her handbag the second time I waved and she waved back. The third time!!! that's a story for another day.

[Petra5ed]

Ran into him a couple times. It always frazzles me, probably because I'm obsessed with him so it feels like I summoned him to me. He's always been friendly and normal and I've always been very awkward and mute, my normal self I guess.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by Ford Puma

...The third time!!! that's a story for another day.

Oh now I want to know.

[LindaLu]

Does anyone else WANT to be seen by their T, though?? Sometimes I feel like a dweeb in sessions and if she saw me out with my friends maybe she'd see me as socially competent. It's fairly likely in this small city to happen someday, whether wanted or not.

[doyoutrustme]

I've seen mine a few times. I have made a point of ignoring him. His policy is he won't initiate contact, but if you say hello, he will say hello.

[Ford Puma]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

I've seen mine a few times. I have made a point of ignoring him. His policy is he won't initiate contact, but if you say hello, he will say hello.

I find that policy they have a bit annoying
They can have plenty get out of jail cards but do we!

I meet my T in the street from time to time. His office is not far from where I work, and I pass by on my way to and from work in the morning and evening. I rather like seeing him; he always smiles warmly and says hello, and I smile back and say hello, just like with any other acquaintance. I suspect that he wouldn't say hello first if either one of us was walking together with someone else, though. And I would never do more than just say hi - there is no way I would stop and chat. But as I say, I like the minimally interactional meetings.

[TwoPointOh]

I used to see my old psychiatrist often because our sons went to the same elementary school. It was not a problem at all. But it would be awkward to see my current T because I have so much more transference. I told him I thought he would ignore me if we did run into each other and he seemed surprised that I would think that.

Once I saw him at a restaurant just before our session. He was eating with some friends and I went the other way hoping he would not notice me. Later I didn't bring it up. I think I'm trying to keep a boundary because it would actually be easy for me to chat up his friends and tell them what a great therapist he is, but I'd be worried that it would erode the therapeutic bubble that I have with him.

[doyoutrustme]

Originally Posted by Ford Puma

I find that policy they have a bit annoying
They can have plenty get out of jail cards but do we!

I don't see a problem with it, it puts the patient in control.

[WrkNPrgress]

Ditto that. I don't think a therapist should initiate contact with a client in public. It could be very awkward for the client.

[growlycat]

I had sort of the opposite problem once. My longtime psychodynamic T used to go for a walk with me during some of our sessions. Most of the walk was in a quiet area but the first few minutes was in a busy area of town. One of his neighbors ran up to him and started yakking it up with him and he tried to gracefully get her to go away.

She finally noticed me and said "oh"… and must have put 2 and 2 together.

I invited my T to my daughters wedding because as I told him, if it weren't for him I wouldn't be there. He did come. When I saw him in the crowd, I went up gave him a kiss and hug. It was just like seeing a dear old friend. Not weird for either of us.

[WrkNPrgress]

That's a sweet story Calista+12.

[ScarletPimpernel]

If I saw my T in public, I would turn around and run away. Literally! That is a terrifying thought for me. If I saw her and she saw me, I would smile, look at the floor, and get away asap. If she saw me and came up to me, I would do small talk, say I have to go, and get away asap. lol.

And I know for sure I would do this because I have done it with every single person I know who I've seen in public. Except my mental health counselor, but only because we were both going to the same place.

[Stormy Sea]

I started going to this yoga studio that is amazing! I told my therapist about all the classes I had been attending there and she said...you might see me there sometime. She had been going to the same studio. I scan the studio for her face when I'm there, but we have yet to end up taking a class together.

My therapist when I was a teen once asked if I'd like her to show up while on my waitressing shift. She brought her small child along while I was working the lunch shift and I served them. No one there knew she was my therapist. Just after she left my boss, who was a jerk and rarely handed out compliments, commented on her saying...that is one REALLY nice, kind lady. He was completely right about her!

[geez]

I see my T at the gym. We take the same fitness class (by coincidence). At first I felt a little weird about it but I don't anymore. We talked about it in therapy and I wanted to know if it made her uncomfortable. In some ways it's comforting to see her and we exchange basic "how's the weather". It's kind of interesting to see her out of the office. I can see how what she does is a 'job' however she does care about her clients.

I just have to make sure I don't count on seeing her for my own comfort outside of the office. For me however it reinforces that she is 'there' and not going away. I do hold onto some abandonment issues.

[BudFox]

Glad I found this thread. I terminated with my ex T last October. It has been hell since and I have contacted her multiple times trying to resume or get some support or some peace and closure.

Last contact was almost 2 months ago. Then I emailed her yesterday to try and arrange a 3-way conversation with another T. She refused and was rather cold.

Then today I saw her driving down a busy road near my house. I was out for a a walk and happened to look into her car (partly becuz I know her car). Incredible coincidence, as I live in a large heavily populated metro area.

Some say everything happens for a reason, but I don't know what to do with this. The timing, the utterly improbable nature of it -- what does it mean???

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by LindaLu

Does anyone else WANT to be seen by their T, though?? Sometimes I feel like a dweeb in sessions and if she saw me out with my friends maybe she'd see me as socially competent. It's fairly likely in this small city to happen someday, whether wanted or not.

I would sort of like to see my Therapist outside of session just to see how I might react, I like to tell everyone that I would like to have a big social discussion with her if I saw her but since I have never seen a Therapist of mine out in public I really don't know how I would react.

[frackfrackfrack]

Once I was waiting for my appointment working in a cafe near the office. I work in the cafe anyway pretty often since I live in the neighborhood. Before appointments I'm really nervous and I take the hour just before in the cafe to drink something, go to the bathroom, check the mirror etc... So this time, I'm working on my laptop, and suddenly T comes in. I nearly died from anxiousness, and he looked so handsome too. I don't think he saw me, and he went to the counter to get something I guess. Then a minute later, I see him leaving and it doesn't look like he's bought anything (though it wasn't well lighted and maybe he just scarfed down a cookie?). He still hasn't shown any indication he saw me (I was off to his side) even though I am staring at him.

To this day I don't know if he avoided looking at me on purpose. Because it was strange to me that he left so quickly. I didn't bring it up in session.

Also, now he has ruined the cafe for me, because I am afraid that if I work there on other days, and he sees me, he might think I am there to see him. I thought about telling him this specifically so there is no misunderstanding. But I also don't want to bring it up and just want to act natural and like its not a big deal. It is my neighborhood after all.