[Thinkbait]

I am a straight, married mother. I have been seeing my therapist for about five years. Originally I brought my children to see her and she met with all of them and then told me that she would like me to see her instead of my children. She was absolutely right. My children are amazing. I grew up pretty rough and I was being triggered by my children's ages because they were all the exact ages that I was when the worst things in my childhood happened. I was shocked at first and honestly it took me about two years to even start to open up. Five years in and I have recently been opening up even more about stuff that I have never said out loud before. We had a bit of unique circumstances in the beginning I guess because we saw each other often outside of my appointments during cultural events. Then she had a bunch of family stuff come up and she switched offices and didn't want to leave me hanging for 6 months while she sorted it all out so we met up outside every week for six months and she never charged me for that. Recently, like the last 2 months, she started hugging me at the end of our hour. Those hugs have triggered something so deep in me and I'm really confused. I'm not attracted to women at all but I find myself feeling so drawn to her. She loaned me a book and I couldn't stop smelling it because it smelled like her perfume. When she texts me or emails me my heart starts pounding. Last week when we had a heat wave she wore a summer dress and it rode up and exposed her thigh, I could barely concentrate. This week she stood right next to me and bent forward to pack up some books we were using and her blouse opened up, I couldn't tear my eyes away from her breasts. I keep telling her about my sex life and including every single detail, almost like I am trying to prove to her....or myself....that I like men. I find myself fantasizing about her which is really messing with my head. When I think it all the way through I would never have a physical relationship with her. I am happily married and I have never and will never be unfaithful. I also know that if things went that way my relationship with her would be ruined. But I can't get her out of my head. Am I losing my mind? What is this??

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[RedSun]

Hi Thinkbait

What you're describing sounds like erotic transference, and sounds really normal! Have a read through some of the threads on here and I think you'll notice that a lot of us have felt attracted to, even obsessed by our T's.
If the hugging has triggered something for you, maybe think about stopping that for a while? So you can sort your thoughts and feelings out a bit? It's common thinking that the sexual feelings surface because we are developing an intimacy with someone, and it all gets jumbled together.
If you possibly can, it may help to talk to your T. Lots of people on here have done that, and said it helps.
I felt similar to you about my T (and also obsessed about an accidental flash of her cleavage, honestly for weeks) but it's passed now. I I don't really talk to her about it, I just said she was in my head...I don't know, it just moved on. I still think she is very attractive but I don't want anything other than the relationship we have. It can and does pass, and it is normal.
Xx

[nicoleflynn]

It is normal.....to have feelings for someone who cares about you. Therapy can be so intense, sharing things that you never have before and it creates a powerful bond.

I had a woman t, and had a huge crush on her...she was elegant, beautiful, etc., etc and I deeply admired her....Feelings aren't right or wrong, they simply are. You might consider talking to her about them, especially if it is getting in the way of therapy.

[Thinkbait]

Thank you both so much for talking with me. This has been weighing on me so heavy. Gosh, I don't think I could ever tell her these things. I still have to see her outside of our appointments and it's already hard enough for me with all that she knows about me. I am a very shy person. This whole experience has been a test and a blessing. I hope to continue to learn about myself and someday be able to be at peace in my own presence. Hopefully these feelings will pass soon! Thank you again, so much. This is a good site!

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[Thinkbait]

Update...today I felt really good when I went in. I wasn't really feeling these feelings too badly when I first got there and then once I started talking I didn't think about them at all. I was telling her all about an incident that happened and I wanted her insight about and I was looking down at my feet while I was talking. I glanced up at her at caught her staring right at my breast. She didn't notice I had looked up and she stared for a really long time. Then all of a sudden she looked up at me and her eyes got big when she realized I was looking right at her. She seemed flustered for about ten seconds then sailed right through it. So I guess they have those moments too.