[Loco4]

Hi All,

My t knows I have romantic thoughts about her, but I've also made sure she's aware I know they are unrealistic.

Anyway I have major anxiety over what she thinks of me. I read into everything and am super insecure. Sometimes I feel like I need more warmth/connection as I never had that in the past.

I'm really worried that because she knows I have romantic thoughts, she will think I'm trying to initiate something. When I just really want to feel secure, accepted and loved.

How do I approach this?
Is it a reasonable request?
Should I ask for more warmth?
Or should I discuss my anxiety over asking and what she is thinking?

Ahhhhhhhh

Ps were doing schema therapy

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[Argonautomobile]

I think you've phrased it very well here--"I have major anxiety over what you think of me. I read into everything and am super insecure. Sometimes I think I need more warmth/connection from you as I never had that in the past. What do you think?"

I think that sounds reasonable, and that your best bet is to frame any request for more warmth in context of your anxiety. I'd be prepared, though, for a "Why does it matter what I think of you? What matters is what you think of you" kind of response. I don't know your T, or what schema therapy is, but I think often T's refrain from giving warmth/reassurance/praise in the face of insecurity because it can (re)create a dynamic where the client is dependent on external forces for approval.

I think one of the harder lessons I had to learn is that not everybody is going to like you, and even people who do start to like you less and less every time you ask them about it.

Good luck!

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Loco4

Anyway I have major anxiety over what she thinks of me. I read into everything and am super insecure. Sometimes I feel like I need more warmth/connection as I never had that in the past.

I would discuss the above. I think your insecurity won't let you get what you want so you need to work on the insecurity and not need reassurance from others so much. Warmth and connection is how we feel, not necessarily about what the other person is doing (have you ever looked at a couple and wonder what they see in each other? :-) Trying to get a certain behavior from another person is a lost cause, we can only decide our how behavior.

[Loco4]

Well it's happening tomorrow! Totally freaking out, wish me luck!

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How did it go?

[Loco4]

It was a really difficult session we talked a lot about my attraction to my t. It was pretty difficult but we got to a place where I feel cared for in a professional way. My t is amazing I am really lucky!

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