[kimimila35]

Ok so ive been seeing my counselor for a couple months now. One day after a session was over, he told me I was adorable and kissed my hand. I felt awkward to say the least. It was flattering though. I just dont know what to make of it. Any suggestions? Should I ask for another therapist?

He is much older than me. Has let slip out where he lives and that he has grandkids. Has said that he has never given gifts to any of his clients but me. And he doesnt know why.

[Mike_J]

It probably is at least a bit inappropriate, the question is how do you feel about it?

What boundaries does he have as a professional and you have to ask why he singled you out as an exception to the rule? It is inappropriate to me and i wonder if he uses his job to go after vulnerable people. If you are interested in him, fine. If it makes you uncomfortable then find another one asap. (((hugs))) tc

[ilikecats]

It sounds like he might have some kind of counter transference going on. If you're uncomfortable, it might be a good idea to get a new T. Or you could talk about all of this with your T and figure stuff out.

Yes this is completely inappropriate. The fact that he has disclosed so much about himself and shared that he has never given a client a gift besides you suggests two things. He is using you to meet his own needs and he is trying to make you feel special and I suspect it's working? This is not your fault he is trying to seduce you.
He knows why this is the supposed only gift he has given a gift to his client. Do you believe this, I don't. I suspect he gives vulnerable clients gifts a lot and tells them they are the only ones. A cycle of abuse is beginning here. Please consider what he is doing and getting out of this. I bet you are feeling special but it's making him feel important and wanted, can you see what is happening. Is going to another therapist an option because I would strongly recommend it.

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[kimimila35]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Yes this is completely inappropriate. The fact that he has disclosed so much about himself and shared that he has never given a client a gift besides you suggests two things. He is using you to meet his own needs and he is trying to make you feel special and I suspect it's working? This is not your fault he is trying to seduce you.
He knows why this is the supposed only gift he has given a gift to his client. Do you believe this, I don't. I suspect he gives vulnerable clients gifts a lot and tells them they are the only ones. A cycle of abuse is beginning here. Please consider what he is doing and getting out of this. I bet you are feeling special but it's making him feel important and wanted, can you see what is happening. Is going to another therapist an option because I would strongly recommend it.

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Thank you. Your reply makes sense and my instinct says that you are most likely correct.

[kimimila35]

My heart and instincts are telling me im being set up for a world of hurt. I dont know what to do.

[kimimila35]

Thank u for your advice

[kimimila35]

I feel flattered yet I know its a power balance. An unfair one at that. I do feel an attraction to him bit it can never be. Its also a bit awkward and embarassing. I feel so easy. Gosh.

[kimimila35]

I've gotten pretty good advice so far. Now to deal with the truth and set boundaries.

[missbella]

You can write these people:
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

An informational site
Treatment Abuse Checklist ? Surviving Therapist Abuse

Originally Posted by kimimila35

My heart and instincts are telling me im being set up for a world of hurt. I dont know what to do.

Please listen to your heart and instincts because they are warning you. Your are very intuitive and I am wondering if you could trust this. It might be hard to trust yourself but it's harder to be hurt

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You're instincts are trying to tell you what to do, if you can take a breather from all the questions in your mind and hear what you're instincts are saying. Don't fight them on this occasion, they're trying to save you from a great deal of heartache and pain.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

[kimimila35]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

It probably is at least a bit inappropriate, the question is how do you feel about it?

I've been thinking about it a lot lately. This past week, my Ts secretary called and cancelled my session twice. Im extremely worried and feel let down because my weekly visits r what keep me going. I feel happy after therapy even though Iv found out that this isnt a healthy thing. im too dependant on him and i think he knows it. so now i have transferance and am fighting emotional overload . Even the other day I got jealous when he was talking to another client and thats so not rational.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by kimimila35

I've been thinking about it a lot lately. This past week, my Ts secretary called and cancelled my session twice. Im extremely worried and feel let down because my weekly visits r what keep me going. I feel happy after therapy even though Iv found out that this isnt a healthy thing. im too dependant on him and i think he knows it. so now i have transferance and am fighting emotional overload . Even the other day I got jealous when he was talking to another client and thats so not rational.

I sense that your shaming yourself for something that is a) not your fault and b) completely understandable. You are not wrong or 'unhealthy' for having feelings for your therapist. if he intends to reciprocate those feelings, that is his wrong, not yours.

I also certainly hope you're not drawing the conclusion that your T is canceling your sessions, because of something between you two? If your T is aware of the Transference (they usually are) and dependency, they it would be highly unethical for them to respond to it by canceling your sessions and not discuss the issue with you.

It sucks that you have this burden on you and you can't get in, though. I hope you can get in soon and unload some of this to get it off your chest!

[nicoleflynn]

If you are interested in what happened to me with my t (same as happened to you), I can pm you.

[Mygrandjourney]

Dear T: After our last session, I wanted to share with you my impressions. What you said and did led to a great deal of discomfort in me and I'm concerned that our professional relationship is crossing boundaries that should not be crossed. I think it is best if we terminate our work together and I will put my current energies into finding another T. I think this is what is best for both of us. I trust that you will take the appropriate steps to put this matter to rest, both for your sake and the sake of other clients you are working with.
Regards, kimimila35