[Jazz1971]

I have an obsession with my psychiatrist and feel unable to control it. I began seeing him after my husband left me about 8 years ago. After some time he encouraged me to try online dating which I did with some limited success. However, I also ended up seeing him on the same site, which led to an attraction that intensified with time, depending on my life circumstances. I am back with my husband and no longer have an account of my own, but shamefully, I do have a fake one I use to check on my doctor. I don’t contact him but check to see if he’s active or not. When he is, I feel relieved. When he isn’t or his profile is hidden, I get a pit in my stomach.

I am otherwise a decently functioning person, some of which was helped by this doctor. In the time I’ve seen him I began working again, got my masters and have learned to stand up for myself and deal with my husband in a more positive way. The place I’m lacking most is in my obsession with him. Should I talk to him about it? I’m afraid it would raise and issue of boundaries so I am reluctant to tell the whole truth. He knows I’ve been on and off the site over the years, mostly to gage what kind of luck I’d have if I ever had to date again in the future. But for about 2 years, that has not even been something I’ve done. I only check on him and think about him all the time. I suppose the logical thing would be to find a new psychiatrist, but attraction aside, I do like him as a provider. It has helped my social anxiety in that I can talk to a good looking man, something I would never, ever do in the past. I share a lot with him. Do you think I’d be terminated if I share too much about this particular issue?

Part of the problem with me as a patient, I think, is that I fake "normal" so well that he doesn't really get how obsessive I can be. I know what appropriate behavior is and know this is not. Of course knowing and acting with self control are very different things! Can anyone relate to this? I appreciate any feedback!

[Skeezyks]

Hello Jazz: I'm sorry I don't think there is much I can offer with regard to this. If you see a therapist, this might be a good thing to discuss with that person. If you do not, perhaps seeing one might be beneficial.

I don't know what the likelihood of being terminated would be if you disclosed your obsession to your psychiatrist. It is possible he might decide it would be best if you saw someone else. And perhaps, in the whole scheme of things, that's not such a bad idea.

I know you wrote that you really appreciate this psychiatrist as a provider. But, at least from my perspective, you have to look at this situation in its totality. And in sum might it not be doing more harm than good? Either way, however, I think the important thing is that you take some kind of positive action in some direction to address what is going on with you. Otherwise, I fear, events may conspire to take matters out of your hands leaving you to try to figure out what to do to pick up the pieces.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!