emails from former T.

junkDNA · Jun 15, 2017, 02:45 PM

e-mails from my former T. please note the subtle manipulation. this is what therapy abuse looks like. its not black or white. its hidden between things like promises and hope.

this is majorly triggering. read at your own risk.

Possible trigger:

Quote:

i was in the hospital at this time. these are the last few emails he sent me. i think he was worried that i would tell. well i did

2/21/2010

Baby! I am really missing you. THinking about you much of the day, every day. Wishing you'd call - I don't have the numbers to call you

I hope you are feeling better. So much better! I imagine this is so very, very hard, frustrating, lonely.... I keep thinking about you so much.

It has apparently been really cold and snowy in ((location)) this past week. Amazingly, it was in the mid 60s here today - beautiful! Got some outside work done and it was so nice to be out. THe yard is muddy though - and there is still quite a bit of snow in the shaded back yard. Seems so strange when the day is so warm.

Another full and hectic week at work lies ahead. Ugh.

Sending you many warm thoughts, well wishes and much love. Would sure love to hear from you! Miss you tons, Me

2/13/2010

Quote:

I STILL can't stop missing you and longing for you. Just to hold you and cuddle with you would be fine. All night. All day. I'd like that.

I want to take a whole day again to be with you. Whenever you feel you are able and up to it. I will wait no matter how long. I promise.

Sweet dreams my beautiful LOVE! Me

Quote:

2/13/2010

Hi Baby, Me again. Ok, so now AI can't stop thinking about you and I want so much to talk to you - just hear your voice. I'm just really really missing you. I don't mean just sexually. I mean emotionally. I want to hold you. It feels like forever since I have seen you. To be honest, I really struggle when it is so long between visits. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and YOU are who I want most to spend it with. YOU.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about your perception that all I care about sex. I can certainly understand how you might think that - at least sometimes. Honestly, you are the first and only woman I have ever had this much desire and physical and sexual attraction to and I think that is why. Seems like with past relationships, that part fades away after a few months. But with you it only gets stronger. I obviously don't hide that well. And another thing you need to know - the feelings - love, caring - those only seem to get stronger as well - even when I try to contain them. It is what I love most about this. I seem to be more and more and more... I just keep loving you - and yes, wanting you too - more and more. Not less. More. I'm a very physical, sexual, affectionate person. Always have been. And with you, it seems that that is never more true. I guess it gets on your nerves sometimes. I'm sorry about that. So often I feel like this little kid in a candy store around you - boundless excitement, arousal, passion, hunger, love, lust, all of it. So I think I understand how you would feel like all I want from you is sex. I had hoped that the last time I did see you that you felt that that wasn't true - that I care about and love you so much that I can just be there for you - holding you. Sitting quietly with you and that you would know that I love you.

I get scared trying to imagine what life would be like without you in it. I need you in mine. Always. So please know that I am here. I will always be here. Waiting for you as you always have for me. No matter how long it takes - PLEASE get well. And know I will be waiting to hold you again. Love, always, Me

Quote:

2/13/2010

Hi My Baby! Guess what? I masterurbated this morning to fantasies of you. It was wonderful! But nothing like the real thing of course! Wasn't it fun the other night to get each other so worked up over th phone - did you cum too? I hope so baby. I love that

I'm missing you. Lots. It is in teh 20s here and we got about 4" of snow last night. We were out with friends at the ((location)) Day School Auction. It was lots of fun and had the added element of adventure with the snow coming down so hard for so long. Basketball was cancelled this morning of course. I didn't drive to ((location)) for my meeting this morning. I cancelled. When we got home las tnight there were four cars in the ditch coming into our neighborhood. We're going sledding this afternoon. I think I might go to ((location)) tomorrow for the Boat Show with a friend of mine. That should be fun. I love boats! Two weeks from today I will be skiing in Utah

I can't wait!

I've been writing some other couples. There is a young and attractive couple in ((location)) that would like to meet. Erick and Mandy. I wish she had breasts as large as yours, but she is still cute enough. It would be fun to play again soon. Still working on couples for March trip

I hope you are feeling better my baby. Did your mom come? Did you get your car out? Or did you get more snow? Please write back and tell me everything. Know how much I love and miss you. Always! Me

Quote:

2/11/2010

Baby! OMG!!!!! I was just looking up pics of you that you have sent me. I'm soooo hard! Your enormous breasts melt me. I love the way the hang from your chest. They are so huge baby - and so spectacular. I love them so much! I am definitely gong to masturbate again to fantasies of you tonight. Are you still doing that baby? I hope so. I can't wait for next month so we can spend another whole weekend in bed ****ing. Each other AND other couples. I can't wait baby. I loved watching you mount and ride Gabe. and I loved watching him drill you in your butt too. And the way you took both of us at once for DP - OMG!!! You are soooooooooooooooo amazing baby! I want so much more of all of that

I wish I could fill your mouth with my cum right now.

I just finished playing Wii with the boys. Now I'm off to get them in bed. I love you and I am missing you TERRIBLY. Always, Me

Nammu · Jun 15, 2017, 03:50 PM

Not much subtle about them. Glad he is an ex.

Yellowbuggy · Jun 15, 2017, 03:54 PM

This is beyond egregious. I'm infuriated for you.

And to think you started seeing him when you were 16??? I still can't believe he wasn't jailed for this.

Jun 15, 2017, 03:56 PM

Were you seeing his as a T in his office as well during the time when he wrote these? I can't imagine how that could be possible, even superficially.

junkDNA · Jun 15, 2017, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

Were you seeing his as a T in his office as well during the time when he wrote these? I can't imagine how that could be possible, even superficially.

He terminated me as a client a few months prior to these . I have over 200 emails

junkDNA · Jun 15, 2017, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Not much subtle about them. Glad he is an ex.

The subtilties were very present in the beginning. Not so much near the end.

junkDNA · Jun 15, 2017, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yellowbuggy

This is beyond egregious. I'm infuriated for you.

And to think you started seeing him when you were 16??? I still can't believe he wasn't jailed for this.

It's not illegal in my great state

atisketatasket · Jun 15, 2017, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

It's not illegal in my great state

What specifically isn't illegal? Sex with patients?

I guarantee you there is at least one law on your state's books that he broke, even if it's an outdated but not removed law on adultery or acceptable sexual positions/acts.

junkDNA · Jun 15, 2017, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

What specifically isn't illegal? Sex with patients?

I guarantee you there is at least one law on your state's books that he broke, even if it's an outdated but not removed law on adultery or acceptable sexual positions/acts.

Therapists having sex with their clients

Yellowbuggy · Jun 15, 2017, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

He terminated me as a client a few months prior to these. I have over 200 emails

Did he terminate you as a client because he knew what he was doing was wrong? How did he explain the termination?

toomanycats · Jun 15, 2017, 05:16 PM

That this exists
That this happened to you
Infuriates and enrages me
You deserved to be protected
This is disgusting
I am so sorry

southernsky · Jun 15, 2017, 08:08 PM

Ugh, the things he was saying to you are so gross and disturbing coming from someone who was supposed to be your therapist and supposed to be helping you. I am so sorry that you ended up running into someone who exploited you like this.

junkDNA · Jun 16, 2017, 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yellowbuggy

Did he terminate you as a client because he knew what he was doing was wrong? How did he explain the termination?

I don't remember how he explained it. Yes he knew it was wrong. He would talk about how he had to compartmentalize it... "what I'm doing with you"

junkDNA · Jun 16, 2017, 06:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

I don't remember how he explained it. Yes he knew it was wrong. He would talk about how he had to compartmentalize it... "what I'm doing with you"

But by that point we had Been having sex for 1.5 years as therapist/client.

We would have sessions then afterwards have sex right there in his office.

junkDNA · Jun 16, 2017, 06:40 AM

I think the worst part was when I called and told my mom

She said "I suspected it"

2 years mom. Why didn't you say something????

Hopelesspoppy · Jun 16, 2017, 10:07 AM

I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be a therapeutic/useful idea to put all of our sick and dysfunctional correspondence in one place as a warning tool to others who still have the chance to get out before it goes stealth crazy. I have hundreds of e-mails and texts as well, as I imagine many here do....

junkDNA · Jun 16, 2017, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be a therapeutic/useful idea to put all of our sick and dysfunctional correspondence in one place as a warning tool to others who still have the chance to get out before it goes stealth crazy. I have hundreds of e-mails and texts as well, as I imagine many here do....

That is why I posted these. To warn others and show them what it actually can look like. And how it's not hot and naughty and romantic and glamorous.

It's pain and loneliness and depression And self hate.

It is not worth it people

precaryous · Jun 16, 2017, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

That is why I posted these. To warn others and show them what it actually can look like. And how it's not hot and naughty and romantic and glamorous.

It's pain and loneliness and depression And self hate.

It is not worth it people

Thank you for sharing these.
I hope it helps.

I don't have emails or letters but if we decide to group these together, I can repost the redacted news article of PerpDoc's arrest for exploiting this other client.

precaryous · Jun 16, 2017, 06:28 PM

This is what intimacies with the client can look like for the therapist-

southernsky · Jun 17, 2017, 11:41 AM

OMG, that article is so heartbreaking. What kind of person would look at a domestic violence victim who is trying to get help and think that instead of helping her that it's an opportunity to sexually assault her??? It really shows that therapists who act like this are predators.

precaryous · 01:17 PM

I know what you mean. Why chose clients at all? Why not have an affair with a colleague, a waitress, a neighbor?

He was my psychiatrist.

The 'alleged' assault on the woman in the article happened a year to the month after his 'alleged' intimacies (and 'alleged' assault) with me.

She was 19yo.

He knew it was a felony by the time of his arrest. I looked it up after our encounters and told him so right there in his office.

His arrest convinced me I had been exploited. Until then, I thought maybe he was a good man who made a mistake. I cared about him.

I found a therapist who knows a lot about therapist/client exploitation and I wouldn't even tell her his name. I didn't know what might happen and I didnt want him to go to jail. He has family.

I learned I was the second of seven to come forward after his arrest. That was no mistake.
I learned I didn't cause anything bad to happen to him, he did.
His actions did.

And I'm still furious.

atisketatasket · Jun 17, 2017, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by precaryous

I know what you mean. Why chose clients at all? Why not have an affair with a colleague, a waitress, a neighbor?

A feeling of power over client/patient. An inability to handle relationships with perceived equals like colleagues. A thrill sought from knowing what they are doing is wrong, and they can still do it and maybe even get away with it.

Why keep doing it? So egotistical they believe they won't be caught, because they are smarter/better/luckier than everyone else.

magicalprince · Jun 17, 2017, 05:42 PM

It sounds like this man had full-blown NPD and you were being treated like an object while being told that you weren't being treated like an object.

Hopelesspoppy · Jun 17, 2017, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by precaryous

I know what you mean. Why chose clients at all? Why not have an affair with a colleague, a waitress, a neighbor?

He was my psychiatrist.

The 'alleged' assault on the woman in the article happened a year to the month after his 'alleged' intimacies (and 'alleged' assault) with me.

She was 19yo.

He knew it was a felony by the time of his arrest. I looked it up after our encounters and told him so right there in his office.

His arrest convinced me I had been exploited. Until then, I thought maybe he was a good man who made a mistake. I cared about him.

I found a therapist who knows a lot about therapist/client exploitation and I wouldn't even tell her his name. I didn't know what might happen and I didnt want him to go to jail. He has family.

I learned I was the second of seven to come forward after his arrest. That was no mistake.
I learned I didn't cause anything bad to happen to him, he did.
His actions did.

And I'm still furious.

Right there and beside you all the way. I have not found a therapist capable of taking it on - so I am trying to make peace with the reality that this is my life. It happened. It was a 15 year chunk of my life that is lost and I will never have retribution or closure. Time does help.

junkDNA · Jun 17, 2017, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

A feeling of power over client/patient. An inability to handle relationships with perceived equals like colleagues. A thrill sought from knowing what they are doing is wrong, and they can still do it and maybe even get away with it.

Why keep doing it? So egotistical they believe they won't be caught, because they are smarter/better/luckier than everyone else.

My former T was cautious but not enough.

He made special plastic coverings for his office windows to block the light from inside showing on the outside. He refused to go into a store with me once.

However the first night we had sex... He walked in the waiting room after his last client left and kissed me so hard It honestly shocked me.he also would stay "at work" til 10 sometimes 11pm

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