[DodgersMom]

I realize this is a romance feelings sub red but I thought this post would fit here

I am not attached to my therapist (yet) and its my biggest fear, I have a fear of getting close to anyone...

My question is for those who have experienced this.... did you tell your T? did it change things between you? How long did you wait when you felt it before you said anything? Anyone who has never had the courage to say anything?

Just curious

[atisketatasket]

What makes you say you are not attached? I got the sense from your posts that you already are.

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

What makes you say you are not attached? I got the sense from your posts that you already are.

I'd know. I may appreciate him and like going but no. I don't look up stuff of him online, I don't email him much, and if I do, I feel awful about it. I hate annoying him. I don't call. I talk about him on here because that's the point of this forum thread but not otherwise, unless I am like "I am going to therapy today" to my mom... I know how I get when I attach to people and I am not there. At this point, I don't care if its a week or 10 days if I see him. I am not dying over it in between.

Lots of things.

[toomanycats]

Attachment doesn't have to = bad.
There is healthy attachment.
It sounds like you have a healthy attachment.
You ARE attached, but you are not OVERLY attached.
That's a good thing.
That's the goal of all human interactions/relationships (professional, friendship, etc.)

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

Attachment doesn't have to = bad.
There is healthy attachment.
It sounds like you have a healthy attachment.
You ARE attached, but you are not OVERLY attached.
That's a good thing.
That's the goal of all human interactions/relationships (professional, friendship, etc.)

i assume its a normal relationship with a therapist that you feel safe and comfortable with but honestly if it is attachment, i gotta end it. i wont allow myself to go through this attachment stuff. i need friday because of how stressed i am too but i am gonna tell him I'm not going back. i am seriously disappointed in myself.

[atisketatasket]

I don't think you need to be afraid of a healthy attachment. It should be present in every human relationship. It's not just for relationships with therapists.

If you want to form healthy relationships with others in your life, it's safe to work it through with a therapist. Kind of like practice. Or so the thinking goes.

I wonder if you are confusing healthy attachment with the strong transference or negative attachment we hear about on this site.

No man is an island etc.

[toomanycats]

A normal relationship in which you feel safe and comfortable = healthy attachment.

[DodgersMom]

i guess i have no idea what anything means then, this is a normal typical me/someone else relationship in my life.

"I wonder if you are confusing healthy attachment with the strong transference or negative attachment we hear about on this site.
"

I never used the term healthy attachment in my oringal post, but yes those are the types of attachment i mean, the bad/awful ones that make me wanna run away at the idea of them

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

i guess i have no idea what anything means then, this is a normal typical me/someone else relationship in my life.

"I wonder if you are confusing healthy attachment with the strong transference or negative attachment we hear about on this site.
"

I never used the term healthy attachment in my oringal post, but yes those are the types of attachment i mean, the bad/awful ones that make me wanna run away at the idea of them

You may not have used it, but the people responding did, to show that there is more than one kind of attachment and the entire concept doesn't have to be scary. Most therapeutic relationships do not result in that kind of attachment, it seems, or, even if a healthy attachment causes pain, it can be resolved.

It's like dating. There are relationships that will be total and complete duds and painful breakups. But experiencing them is part of finding the good relationships.

[Moment]

You can be close to someone and attached to them without being obsessed with them.
It is very normal for someone to have warm, appreciative feelings for their therapist--and that's it. Not everyone develops very strong transference feelings or romantic ones.

[BudFox]

I think it's appropriate to fear becoming attached to a stranger who needs you, generally speaking, mostly for the the bit of cash you supply (and maybe a little ego gratification). It's just not a good risk/benefit proposition in my opinion. And then there are all the problems with one-way openness and vulnerability that make it so sketchy.

I don't see how one can avoid becoming attached, as such things are usually involuntary, but I see no reason to pretend it's necessarily a good idea.

I did reveal my feelings of attachment/infatuation to one therapist, and it resulted in various humiliations and condescensions. Nothing was "worked through" and there was no point to any of it.

[feileacan]

I am very attached to my therapist although at the same time I am very avoidant too - I'm not even sure how these two things go together but they do.

I think even remember when did I first talk about my feelings but I suppose it happened somewhere during the first year of the treatment and since then, my feelings are no secret. Disclosing my feelings has had no adverse effects to my therapy, my T didn't get defensive, rejecting, more boundaries etc, rather he very naturally accepted my feelings. In general, it seems very natural to have these kinds of feelings as part of my therapy especially considering that as a child I wasn't attached to anyone. For me, this is the first safe attachment relationship and therefore extremely valuable.

[Erebos]

Never had attachment and when reading these forums I am eternally grateful for that.

The fact that I pay this person to listen to me, knowing fine well their interest would stop as soon as the money did is enough to prevent me going down that road.

Don't get me wrong, I like my current pdoc, it's taken me 17 attempts to find someone who has proved they 'get it' and doesn't tell me I am avoiding my feelings, or my personal favourite 'resisting the process'. (Eye roll)

I often miss appointments, don't care what he does with his day, I don't even think about him unless I am on here.

I enI totally understand the OP's desire to not get entangled in some pseudo relationship that the T may not have the capability to deal with.
If I felt for one moment that was a possibility I would be out too.
You can only do what you feel is right, and if you don't feel able to discuss it with your T then maybe it's right to get out. All the best, take care.

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by Erebos

I often miss appointments, don't care what he does with his day, I don't even think about him unless I am on here.

I enI totally understand the OP's desire to not get entangled in some pseudo relationship that the T may not have the capability to deal with.
If I felt for one moment that was a possibility I would be out too.
You can only do what you feel is right, and if you don't feel able to discuss it with your T then maybe it's right to get out. All the best, take care.

I am the same about the never think about him, don't care what he does comment. That's why I was confused about some of the replies on here

Anyway, I did go yesterday as I am going through hell right now and needed it, we did talk about my fear of attachment again for a bit. He said he has not had many of his clients go through it... but he has experienced it and is ok with, he keeps his boundaries of no interactions outside the office unless its email or calls, and I get that, but he told me to please not be afraid to tell him if anything starts to scare me about this, he will help me work through it. He promised he would not terminate me

[BlueJeans00]

Well I believe it was frist or second month I had feelings
for my T. It all started when I thought he was homosexual.
I thought oh well he is homosexual so...Im straight so there is no point in liking this man.
But I was wrong, I built up the courage to ask is he gay? Because he said I could ask anything so I said that. Well he didn't like that comment. He wasn't angry but more hurt I would assume. He said he is married. I thought yo myself "no way, a guy like him that be kind and emotional, sensitive is not gay! So not all straight men are tough and lumber jack men"?
Well I had to check there Facebook and saw they were telling the turth.
I never told him I looked at his Facebook page until much, much later on. So I shock myself that I looked at his page and that I had feelings. I try to suppressed by watching music videos or movies. But it got worse, worse eventually after 6 months I told him.
He seemed quite uncomfortable about it. Though my T is a student.
I told him It feels like I love you and then he said "You don't know me" which was really hurtful.
Yes I don't know him, and my T is suppose to be a blank screen to whatever the client projects from the past to the T.
But I had to say that to my T after he said "You don't know me" to protect myself from embrassment. I only know him what he shows in the room. So I guess iy be fait enough to say I love him who he shows to me as much as he can in the therapy room.
Since I told him the feelings of butterflies in my stomach or blushing has gone. I guess its mote fondness of him and I just want to hug him to say thank you for not giving up on my like the other T.
I acknowledge that my transference was him of my dad and my grandad and my first crush. That there is some aspects of him that reminds me of my long term finacee.

[Calilady]

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

i assume its a normal relationship with a therapist that you feel safe and comfortable with but honestly if it is attachment, i gotta end it. i wont allow myself to go through this attachment stuff. i need friday because of how stressed i am too but i am gonna tell him I'm not going back. i am seriously disappointed in myself.

It's refreshing to hear this. I am going through the same exact thing with my therapist.