[precaryous]

If you have been exploited by a therapist/counselor (or know someone who has been exploited) which of these warning signs did you see?
*These are just warning signs.* Not inferring the occasional gift or all social engagement invitations are unethical, etc.

In evaluating the counseling experience, before there are any blatant inappropriate suggestions, there may be some clues to lack of professionalism or misuse of power such as:

-the counselor avoiding or refusing to give information about credentials, licensing or experience;

-the client having a feeling that something is wrong during therapy, despite attempts to clarify or discuss this with the counselor;

-the client having the feeling that therapy is giving in personally to the counselor, rather than engaging in a learning process; and

-the counselor suggesting any mutual activity that is uncomfortable.

Behavior which may feel sexual:

-telling dirty jokes;

-undressing during therapy;

-ogling (eyeing up and down); or

-discussing the therapist’s sex life.

Giving Client “special” status by:

-scheduling after hours appointments or changing fees (when different from normal office procedure);

-making out-of-the-office appointments (when not normal office procedure);

-using the client as a confidant or for personal support;

-giving or accepting major gifts;

-inviting client to social engagements;

-borrowing money or getting involved in business deals with client;

-making secrecy a part of the counseling relationship; or

-using or offering alcohol or drugs during counseling.

-other

*credit to 'It's Never Ok' *
https://www.leg.state.mn.us/docs/2007/other/070240.pdf

[precaryous]

Several posters marked "other" warning signs.

If you have been exploited or know someone who has been exploited and care to share, what other warning signs did you notice?

----
The Pdoc in my case encouraged me to relate sexual fantasies I had of him. I actually didn't have any and made something up- I'm not sure why I felt I needed to make something up.

But it was the Pdoc who brought this up in therapy and encouraged the discussion.

Is it unusual for a therapist to bring something like this up and encourage it? Now, looking back, I wonder if this was another warning sign. But even now I don't know if this is inappropriate in therapy?

[AllHeart]

My sick therapist exploited me but our relationship was not sexual or romantic. Early warning signs maybe not listed above:

- excessive, deeply personal self-disclosures and using more session time to talk about themselves than the client does
- late night phone calls to the client
- promoting dependency upon the therapist; creating a co-dependency
- outright telling the client they are special and/or unique
- over the top "charm" or "love-bombing"
- sudden, irrational shifts of energy (ie. therapist is normally warm, caring, charming, personal but suddenly turns distant, cold, silent for no reason or because client said or did something that therapist did not like. This is a test for the therapist to gauge how much s/he can get away with in the future.)

If only I had known then what I know now.

[precaryous]

Received the late night phone calls and the sudden irrational shifts of energy, definitely.

I didn't know *what* was going on- he said being intimate was part of therapy, we became intimate, then he went to this blank screen persona. He acted like we could go back to how we were before...he acted like he thought he could be the aloof psychiatrist and me, the patient again. He shut down the conversation whenever I asked, "what's happening?"

There were many reasons we could never go back to being like we were before. For example, I was afraid the intimacies stopped because I had done something wrong. Or maybe he decided I was 'too sick.' So, afterwards if I was struggling with a mental health issues...anxiety...depression...I could never bring it up because I was afraid he would think I was too 'disturbed' for him to want to have any other kind of relationship with me.

He elevated my self-esteem and made me feel special...almost like a colleague. If I admitted I was struggling with certain issues I was afraid he would reject me and I would plunge down into nothingness again...

One thing I noticed recently was that my therapist,now I could be wrong. But looking me up and down more than once. I noticed this, it made me uncomfortable because..
Well I have love transference towards him.
Im thinking don't do this or I might lose control. Not that I don't check my therapist out either. I do.

[Rpmblank]

I didn't even have a thought that he was being unethical. I thought I was special. He was just out to use me. I was no different than the others he used.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by Rpmblank

I didn't even have a thought that he was being unethical. I thought I was special. He was just out to use me. I was no different than the others he used.

I relate. I thought I was special, too. I wasn't even thinking in terms of ethical-unethical. I believed his actions must be ok. He's a doctor. He should know.

I only questioned his actions once the intimacies stopped. If it was such a good idea and part of therapy (he said) then why did it stop? Why wouldn't he discuss with me why it stopped? I played back his own words.. that I shouldn't tell anyone...that having sex with a client was "frowned upon."

That's when I started to ask other people questions. That's when I did research in a medical library (before I had a computer). I figured I would look for published academic articles about the topic and weigh those articles "in-favor" vs. articles "against" to find out. I found a few phone numbers in those articles of therapists/authors/professionals who had an opinion on the topic. I looked for contacts way far away from AbusivePDoc's sphere of influence. I didn't want to ask my family doctor. I didn't want to ask the therapist at county mental health. I didn't know how far AbusivePDoc's reach was and, by then, I was scared.

Even after I started seeing an expert in the field, I didn't want to believe she was right. "He just made a mistake," I said. I wanted to still see him. I cared about him. I found out it was a felony in that state and I still wanted to see him. I couldn't be wrong about him, he cared. It was just a mistake. He said terrible things about me. He told me he had sex with me because he felt sorry for me like he felt sorry for street people. I still protected his name. I still wanted to see him.

Then, he was arrested and my whole world blew up.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Just out of curiosity, what specifically do people mean by "intimate" and "intimacies"? I know it can be a euphemism for 'procreation', but the definition is quite broad. I would describe my T and I as sharing intimate moments (many of which have involved some sort of 'touch'), but I would never consider it untoward. Our boundaries are well defined so we can explore safely within them.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by Jessica Hazlitt

Just out of curiosity, what specifically do people mean by "intimate" and "intimacies"? I know it can be a euphemism for 'procreation', but the definition is quite broad. I would describe my T and I as sharing intimate moments (many of which have involved some sort of 'touch'), but I would never consider it untoward. Our boundaries are well defined so we can explore safely within them.

Yes, I understand. Eye contact can be intimate, for example. I was trying to be delicate.

Possible trigger:

By 'intimacies,' in my case, I mean foreplay, sexual intercourse and fellatio.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Yes, I understand. Eye contact can be intimate, for example. I was trying to be delicate.

Possible trigger:

By 'intimacies,' in my case, I mean foreplay, sexual intercourse and fellatio.

I understand. Having him turn on you like that must have been awful. I couldn't even imagine my T broaching the subject, let alone acting on it. Did it just "happen" as it were, or was it prearranged the first time? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions, feel free to tell me to mind my own business

[precaryous]

No, it didn't just happen. I think I would have raced out of there if he coldly initiated something.

Now, looking back, I can see he manipulated me with grooming behaviors- seeing me as last patient of the day, full body hugs lasting longer than they should have, sexual innuendos, unbuttoning my shirt to listen to my heart, asking me details about sexual fantasies. He would call in the evening on his own and say cryptic things, then not explain what he meant. I remember one phone call- he phoned and after some small talk he said, "I want to ask you something. I think I know the answer but,...." and he wouldn't elaborate. I asked him what he was talking about and made a few guesses... I didn't guess correctly. It bothered me for days.

We actually discussed the meeting. He scheduled it. He said it was part of therapy to help "get me out there" in the dating world. Then he told to me to come to the office at a certain time. It happened at his office. My insurance paid for it.

Over time it just didn't feel odd.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by Jessica Hazlitt

I understand. Having him turn on you like that must have been awful. I couldn't even imagine my T broaching the subject, let alone acting on it. Did it just "happen" as it were, or was it prearranged the first time? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions, feel free to tell me to mind my own business

It was terrible and confusing when he 'turned' and sexualized what I thought was normal therapy and when he 'turned' (again) against me, after the intimacies. I tried asking why the intimacies stopped (since he said they were therapeutic) and he tried making it all my fault..."You told me you could handle this. Why aren't you handling this!"....and when he told me he had sex with me because he 'felt sorry for me just like he felt sorry for street people.' He got my my driver's license suspended so I couldn't travel to LA and see my attorney or go to depositions or see my new therapist. He told his receptionist I was 'dangerous.' He lied when he testified I was a 'known prostitute.'

Yeah, it was bad.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by precaryous

It was terrible and confusing when he 'turned' and sexualized what I thought was normal therapy and when he 'turned' (again) against me, after the intimacies. I tried asking why the intimacies stopped (since he said they were therapeutic) and he tried making it all my fault..."You told me you could handle this. Why aren't you handling this!"....and when he told me he had sex with me because he 'felt sorry for me just like he felt sorry for street people.' He got my my driver's license suspended so I couldn't travel to LA and see my attorney or go to depositions or see my new therapist. He told his receptionist I was 'dangerous.' He lied when he testified I was a 'known prostitute.'

Yeah, it was bad.

Jeeze. That's dreadful. Not just abusive but calculating and thoroughly nasty.